The Process of Getting Hurt

The process of getting hurt...
You don't want to beleive it at first.
It's as if everything is standing still.
His mouth is moving.
Sound is escaping.

A flashback.
A memory.
Caught in your mind,
Is a time...

The sound finally catches up to the movement of his mouth as he turns around.
A blow to your stomach, and then your heart.
It stops.

You strummed the guitar.
We sang out loud.
On cold chilly nights we held each other.
The whisper of an I love you
Leaves yousr listless mouth.

The apple falls from the tree.
Day turns to night, and night turns to day.
Sitting there eating our candy corn.
The minute it became too real.
Too real, it lead to this point.

He turns back around.
You catch his gaze.
See the fire reflecting back.
Everything slowly rewinds.
You hear it again.
Hand reaches out for you.
Asking you if you are alright.
He sees you ignore him.
You open your mouth, but nothing comes out.
He keeps talking.
The words keep coming.
Why won't he stop?
Like the day after a night of partying.
Vision is hazy.
Stomach is hurting.
He keeps on talking.
Why won't he stop?
My eyes begin to fill.
That satisfaction won't be given.
Fighting back.
Voice caught in my throat.
It hurts.

Cold. Dead. Weighted body.
Then like clockwork, your heart starts back up again.

The process of getting hurt...
Reminds me I'm alive, and you...
You missed out on the best thing you could have ever had.

...sometimes I feel too much...

...sometimes something happens, and you end up feeling more than you should. I always feel too much. Truth is, I haven't felt this way in a long time...www.boymeetsboyblog.com

So Your Best Friend's Boyfriend Doesn't Like You: 10 ways to not be a bitch about it

The typical conversation between two gay men who are meeting for the first time always ends up discussing [gay] drama and how they avoid being a part of it. It has always been my experience that the people who say that constantly are usually the ones creating it or vying for the drama to come their way so they can add their two cents to the conversation at hand. After all, we all know, as gay men, we come with a manual on "how to throw your 2 cents into a conversation while adding a back handed comment in a bitchy high pitched voice... with two finger snaps." Here goes, I don't do drama, especially gay circle drama. We often hear about six degrees of separation; in the gay community that degree is far less if not null and nonexistent. Somehow in a round about way, you slept with your best friend's ex ex boyfriend who was also sleeping with your ex boyfriend who is somehow connected through another gay guy living in Florida who both of you slept with at one time and not together or while dating each other. Lost yet? Yeah it's kind of like that.

Recently, through conjecture, I have figured that the boyfriend of a friend of mine, does not like me. Could it be the fact that he back handedly insulted me in front of his current boyfriend and my good friend. Maybe, or is it that I stood there and said nothing while the insult was being dished and was good hearted and genuinely wanted to get to know him. That's when I thought to myself, omg I am in gay drama. How does one deal with this certain situation, especially if you see each other casually, and you don't want to be a bitch? Because genuinely, you don't know why he doesn't like you. Better yet, why does it matter? It doesn't... but seeing that he is the boyfriend of a friend, I want to be the better person and continue my niceness. Here are 10 ways to not be a bitch:

1. At first meeting always apologize if you did anything rude or you felt you might have offended him. Let's get the past out of the way and start fresh. It's not your fault you don't wave to strangers while strolling through the mall...note to self: wave to everyone.

2. Invite said friend and boyfriend over for dinner with other friends. A peace treaty and proper introduction. Always have a buffer, especially if you have a volatile personality and are prone to yell out and say mean things. This isn't a Real Wives of New Jersey Reunion.

3. If attending an event/affair/hang-out and said person will be there, make sure to not be mean or say anything that would make you LOOK like the bitch. Be genuine, be nice, try and get to know him...even if he decides to do otherwise... or call you a slut.

4. At the end of anything, always offer a hug, be nice and civil...after all you never thought poorly of the person or said anything. Don't worry if he offers his hand for a shake instead...maybe he doesn't do hugs and kisses... like some gay men [me].

5. You are all connected via Facebook, Twitter, tumblr, Mobli, or Google+ and all comments are shared.  Things will be said... never comment back, throwing in your two cents; after all it doesn't matter. People will say mean and negative things, you aren't for everyone's pleasure. Instead say the proper thanks to other people and gloss over the said negative comment... after all his boyfriend and your friend are also mutual friends.

6. Instead of bitching in a public forum or posting anything, talk to your friends. Let them know and get their insight. Before you know it, they are the ones posting the bitchy comments for you...that way you don't have to. Snaps.

7. The logical thing would be to talk to your friend, after all he is your friend. If he hasn't noticed the behavior, he is probably busy or shuts off when the boyfriend is being a bitch, or better yet, your friend has manners. Rather than going to him about his boyfriend's issues with you, I say leave it alone, and don't bother. Continue your friendship with your friend, and choose not to bring up his boyfriend.

8. Continue your pact of kindness to yourself at all times because you never know when you might see each other again... maybe at a fashion show for another dear friend. This time, take caution and extend your hand to give a shake, since that is his modus operandi, for fear of upsetting the god of gay etiquette. And smite he will, with a bad hair day and nothing cute to wear.

9. In all matter, never feed fuel to the flame... didn't your mom teach you better? If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all. Instead, if need be, delete their profile, that way you no longer can see their comments. Life is that easy...until they decide to make an account with a fake name.

10. You have been nice, you have been civil, and you refuse to say anything negative... good for you! If all else fails, and the Mean Girls attitude continues and you are looking over your shoulder every visit making sure daggers aren't being thrown or a drink won't be flung at you, or that you will be thrown into a pool while wearing your brand new Dolce and Gabbana shirt, take a note from the gay man's manual...and be the bitch...blog it!

Failed Attempts & Outfits Missed

It's Friday night, another day, one more evening, a reoccurring failed attempt of going out. Exactly how many times should one try and meet up with someone? It shouldn't be too hard right? You make a date, you anticipate the day, making sure you have the right outfit that says you didn't try too hard (this is something I casually throw on), and then one or the other picks each other up. Done deal, right? Before you know it, you are getting a text, never a phone call because that makes it more awkward and you have to deal with the situation at hand right then and there, he lets you know that he has to cancel. Something unexpectedly came up. Its always unexpected.  You chalk this failed attempt to another flaky moment in courtesy of another gay guy brought not to you by Frosted Flakes.

We met at a night club one evening where we were introduced by a mutual friend. He was outside, having a drink (later to be learned that it was water and he doesn't drink anymore), waiting to go on as the DJ. Standing in front of the double doors, we spoke about music and how the landscape of it has changed over the past few years. I let him in on my guilty pleasure, that I love old skool music, and Art Laboe. Gangster at heart (I can, I wear plaid). He was taken aback that I would be interested in music that was older than me and that he had grown up with...he is 43. It was a great evening, we exchanged numbers and decided we would meet up outside the club where we could hear ourselves talk a little bit better over some food and water/drinks. 

A few days went by when we both committed to a day that would work best with our conflicting schedules. He works Monday through Friday, while my schedule is pretty much everywhere depending on what is going on. Before I knew it, the day had crawled unnoticed into my week and I was finding myself looking for what to wear and getting ready last minute, when, a couple of hours before he extended the time and asked, can we meet later in the evening? Of course, I said. If you warn me ahead of time, that is great. Gives me more time to finalize what I am wearing, brush my teeth for the hundreth time, and make sure I haven't applied too much chapstick. Neurotic, just a tad bit. The evening drew closer, my anticipation was killing me that I had to grab a snack. I eat when I get nervous, which leads to my stomach hurting and me checking my teeth for stains every minute. I turn the Apple TV on, play some music, mellow out, and instead I find my mind wandering, already waiting for the text of, hey can we reschedule. Or worse yet, the dreaded he isn't even going to text and leave me hanging here, all prettied up in the best outfit I have ever worn. What is this, Pretty in Pink? Wake up, where is my Duckie?

He never text back. Or called.

Definitely not wanting to be the bitch to text back and sound desperate, the best was to assume something came up. He maybe had family come by and he isn't out so he had to stay home rather than lie and say he was going out with a woman or something. Or, maybe he forgot he had something scheduled that evening, a cuter guy, another date, washing his hair and relacing his shoes. Because all of those CAN happen.

Later I find out, through yet another text, that he felt really tired after work and ended up falling asleep. Oh, ok. Maybe that's my problem, I am a sucker, gullible, willing to believe any excuse other than listen to my own head. I remember the guy saying he works right down the street from where I live...so he was tired? We could have easily met up right after he was off, rather than drive back home, get ready, and then go back out. We could have made it a short night. 

After that week, I decided I would head out and get a drink with a few friends. There he was the DJ again. Yeah, I knew he would be there, but I wasn't going to get all stalkarazzi on him. I simply wanted to go out, see a few old friends, and have a drink. He walks down from the DJ area and leaves his friend spinning, and walks right over to me. He apologized in person and asked if we could meet up again. I am a nice person, sometimes, so I said yes. Figuring this time he would feel bad so he wouldn't flake or fall asleep when he got home from work.

This time I was going to be prepared and have my outfit picked out and not get ready until he confirmed that evening. I wasn't going to be the fool...plus maybe I could save the outfit for another day if he did flake. The night slowly passed, and I continued to watch reruns of Queer As Folk, my brand new old obsession. On a side note, never watch QAF before a date, especially a first date, all the sex scenes just make you horny and then you have wild circuit party music running through your head in the evening. We had set to go out again at 7, the magical hour. He wasn't going to call again, at least that is what was running through my head. This time he was going to give me some lame excuse that something was wrong with his car and that he couldn't leave the house, regardless of the fact that I drive, and have a car, and can also pick him up. So instead I would go out with my friends to the bar to get a drink, and bitch about that fact that I was stood up yet again...only to see him there at the bar with some other guy. I would have my lines prepared and my dagger eyes sharpened, able to cut through steel and flaky guys.

Worked up in a rage of already making up his excuses in my own head, knowing that he would flake, I was ready and prepared. You don'y just make a date and cancel...two times. Who does that? If you want to see someone then you make the effort, especially if you say you want to get to know the person better.

I hear my phone beep, announcing the inevitable text message. It said, I can't make it tonight, my dad is going into surgery...damn I feel like a bitch.

Letters to the One I Loved, Post Script

Dear you,

That all too familiar embrace and the smell of your cologne...against my body, sent me back to a place I had put away completely. You said, it was nice seeing you, but I am actually taking off and I wanted to say hello.

Earlier that day my friend and I were talking about going to the bar. So I sat around until he sent me his text message of, I am here. That was my cue to go and get ready for a night of drinking and drag queens. A night you loved going to when we were together, but the past year I never saw you. Off I went to get ready, throwing my chukka boots, skinny jeans, and a cute blocked t-shirt. I was set. My friend texted me, ok, I read your blog, it may come to fruition. At least letting you know so you can be mentally prepared for the possible encounter. I had no idea what he was talking about, shit I have written so much within the past year. Things I am sure you have read over the course of time...after all you did message me to not post certain things about our relationship, after the fact that I did.

There I am at the bar, making my way through the dimly lit corridor, trying to find a familiar face. All that is staring back at me are distant faces, smiling, giving me nods...probably wondering if this is the one for tonight. As I finally reach the back, my friends hands are in the air waving me down. Introductions are in place because there is a new boyfriend. And then, my friend pulls me to the side asking if I got his text message. I said, yeah I got it, but I don't know what you are talking about. He turned me around...and there YOU were. Sitting having a beer with a few other mutual friends. Now the text message made sense. This moment...this place...this time, I had written about. I froze.

Time had stood still until I was able to shake off the fact that we were in the same vicinity. Like an ass, I waved to the mutual friends from afar, fearing going up and being rejected. We are adults, right? I couldn't bring myself to go up there and to even say a courtesy hello...a hello to open the doors between communication. Instantly my friend knew that I wasn't going to be fine. Mentally I thought I was prepared for all of this...fuck, I was wrong. All I could think about was what people would say, mostly what you would say. Where you gonna be an adult and let it be? Where you gonna play the bitchy gay guy who needs to tell all his friends that his ex is here? Making sure to finger and point and have everyone look, that way you notice you are being noticed. My mind was everywhere but where it should be. So I took another drink.

As the night progressed, we glanced at each other but never a nod, not even a slight finger wave. We pretended to look away. My friends and I decided to go watch the drag show. I dwelled on the idea of what would happen, what would be said. Was I the asshole for not being the adult and going up to him? Afterall, wasn't it I that wanted to cement a new friendship or renew the one we had?

After getting bored from watching the ever so predictable drag show, Raven was performing along with her friends and Morgan McMichaels, we walked to the back so my friend could have a smoke. Casually we walked to the very back and there we stood. You were right next to me with your back turned. Truth is at this point I was fine, I was ready for the hello. We both slowly turned and caught each other's attention but neither one of us said a word. Instead our friends turned us around...I think we both could die.

What was keeping us from saying anything? Where you feeling the same way or did you want to punch my guts out for what I had written about? Why wasn't I mad? Truth is the mad I felt a long time ago went away. I had moved away from being mad, depressed, pensive of everything that had happened. I knew letting go and trying to be friends would be the best...for me. Despite what all my friends were telling me, I needed it. I needed to hear it. Whatever it was or wasn't.

The night was coming to an end and my friends wanted to go. So we gathered in a corner to say our goodbyes. Then my heart stopped. Your face was right there in front of me. This time we both couldn't pretend we didn't see each other. You pulled me aside. What was I waiting for? Trying to listen to your soft voice over the loud music, you said, it was nice seeing you, but I am actually taking off and I wanted to say hello, but I pretended and acted coy as if I couldn't hear you.

Truth is I heard you say it the first time, I just wanted to hear your voice for what might have been the last time we crossed paths and for the finalization of my mental process. Our night was over and so was the party...and I learned it's gonna be alright. We are alright.

the Tops and Bottoms of Dating: Part 13, The Second Date

photo by Alan Ilagan

At this point we have all gone on a few first dates, good and bad. For those of you who have SURVIVED, congratulations! On to the second date. The first date might be the hardest, but how does one land the second date? Are there tell tale signs? Do you wait a couple of days before you ask, text, Facebook message him? Maybe he didn't really like you and instead faked a great first date. Here is the security deposit to the Second Date. The signs you should watch for, the text of his speech, his body language, and of course the things you shouldn't do to NOT get a second date. In order to fully understand if there is a promise of a second date we must dissect the first date.

Initial Contact
You know mom always said, you never get a second chance to make a first impression, so make it count! If there will be a second date, you better shine on the first, and it all starts out at the beginning. Do you have fresh breathe? Always make sure to shower and apply deodorant. Be on time. It's alright to be old fashioned and dare we say it, courteous on the first date...if it isn't you, maybe you should give it a shot!

1. If you have already chatted a bit and know you two like each other, charm him. Open the car door for him, be a gentleman. Just because we are gay doesn't mean chivalry and romance go out the window. Think with your head, and not the one between your legs. Plus, this might leave a lasting impression after the first date is over and he goes and dishes with his friends...and he opened the door for me.

2. Being on time is definitely high up there. If one is buying into the whole idea of relationships being a business transaction, then one should ALWAYS be on time. Are you ever late to an interview? NO! In life, I have learned the rule of being 15 minutes early...to everything. If you are running late, be courteous and send a message to him. You don't want him thinking he is being stood up, right?

The Maincourse
Once hellos are all in order and you managed to make it out to your destination, the real show begins. Like a meal, the middle of the date is the most important to creating the second date. What you say will have an impact, so choose your topics wisely, and don't be afraid to stray away from things you might not feel comfortable talking about just yet.

3. Allow them to join in on the conversation. Don't dominate the date. I am sure you have some interesting insights about politics, religion, lifestyle, and maybe you feel the government is watching you through Facebook. This isn't the time to discuss THAT! If so, what did you really learn about them?

4. DON'T talk about politics, religion, lifestyle...just yet. That can kill the first date (if you have opposed ideologies)  and then there will be no second date. It doesn't ALWAYS have to be about your views being right, you know what they say, opposites attract.

5. Body language is one of the most important keys to figuring out if he is feeling you on the first date and give way to any inclinations for a second date. Is he attentive to what you are saying? Or, is he just glossed over looking past you?

6. Full facial contact. Wait right there, get the idea of cock in your face or full make out session out of your mind, that's not what I am talking about here. If a guy is fully engaged in the date his face will make full contact. He will be smiling, his eyes open up and react to comments or your stories, he is fully vested in what YOU are doing. If you are both doing it at the same time, then BONUS, you are both having a great first date which means you are on the way to a second date. As long ask you ask.

Ending the date
Wow, so much was said. You both were fully engaged in a face fuck of conversation. This is probably the point where you begin to second guess yourself about how EVERYTHING went during the date. STOP it! Wipe your hands, take a deep breath and let him know if YOU had a good time. This is the point where the first date can end and give way to the second date in a matter of seconds, minutes, or days. Ending the date is the same as writing a thesis, reiterate what happened and follow it up with, I had a lot of fun [insert awkward nervous laugh and pray he did too].

7. If you had a good time, say it. If he is shy or maybe insecure, you telling him will hopefully prompt him to know that you are in for a second date.

8. Ask for the second date. Some people will say that maybe you should wait a few days, a week, and give the guy and yourself some time to reflect on what happened. Maybe hang out with your friends, give them the dish of the date and get their feedback. I say, do whatever you feel is right. I have been asked out on a second date right after the first one ended. It's all about approach.

Post First Date
Is he going to call me back? Will he text me? Maybe he will send me a private Facebook/Twitter message. Wait, should I call him back and ask him out? Oh no, I said the wrong thing. I was picking at my face the whole time, my hair was bad. Post date anything, we freak out if things don't happen according to plan. Guess what? There really isn't a set plan to the after-date. If he likes you, he probably said it. If he had a great time, guess what? He also probably said it. So don't text him once every hour without a reply. Let him settle in, or if you were lucky you had already made plans for the next date during the first. Great job!

9. How persistent should someone be after the first date? Well, like I said it is about approach. If he wasn't into you during the first date then you would have known. It's been my experience that gay men, tend to tell it how it is. Either verbally or physically. If you didn't pick up on it, then send out a message after the first date. Say, hi, how have you been? DON'T do it every hour! Have some restraint. If after a couple of days nothing, then let it go. If he really wants to go on a second date and he is busy, he can contact you. Messaging works both ways. Period.

10. If during the first date, they say, I can't wait to do this again. Or, this is so refreshing to go on such a great date. You are a shoe in! Set something up, maybe you both discussed something you BOTH really wanted to do, or there is a great art exhibit you both have been dying to see. Ask him out!

The Text of Sex: Naughty texts and dirty pics

Is it easier to text about sex and send naughty pictures than to actually go through with it? Why are more guys doing this, but not following through with their dirty text messages. If you are putting yourself out there in that way, then do it, or you are just a cock tease. They do say the chase is part of the game...well I better get my prize at the end!

Now, I know what you are thinking, it is always easier to be forward on a phone or online. There isn't a "real-person" attached to it...yet. Then again, what happens when you do meet in person and they don't even bring up the fact that they sent you a cock picture or told you that they want to lick your body from head to toe and make your toes curl from the best orgasm you will ever have? Isn't it more embarassing to be sitting there knowing that you said that, then sending it...or worse yet, that the person across from you assumes you are all talk and no action.

Lately I had two friends tell me the same story.

My friend, Hudson, is typically a shy guy when he meets someone new. Most of the time he doesn't know someone is hitting on him. That's when I have to point out the fact that the guy next to him has been trying to catch his attention with small talk. Lately, Hudson has been going online and meeting guys. We can be sitting at our favorite restaurant getting tacos and beer, when all of a sudden the beep to his blackberry goes off and he opens his message, thinking he is discrete. He slyly tries to open his message, making sure no one can see it is a picture, when all of a sudden he goes quiet and his eyes grow large. Come to find out later, if I saw 9" my eyes would grow large too.

'Hey, Hudson, who's the new guy you are texting?" I ask. This is usually followed by him saying, "You know, I am not always texting some guy." Interrupted with my, "uhummmm, sure." My friend is the culprit of the picture exchange. He proceeded to tell me this guy has been sending him pictures of himself naked. What's new, right? Well it has been an ongoing thing for almost 2 weeks. My next question to him was of course, "Have you met up with him? And how was it?" To my surprise, they haven't met. He says the guy just randomly sends him pictures. Cock tease.

Is the guy too shy to try anything or is he afraid to have any REAL contact with someone? Maybe he is lying about himself and his pictures? I always suspect the latter.

So, I proposed a challenge to my friend, to get the guy to meet up with him. Put his money where his mouth is...or in this case, to show him the money...shot! Luckily, my friend is a pushover, and he did. They went out one night, finally after much sex/naked picture texting.

The guy, well it was him...but it was all talk. They had a great time, nice chat, and maybe created a connection. The guy never brought up the fact that he sent over the cock shots or texts telling my friend how he wanted to get him naked, kiss him, touch his body, and give him pleasure in ways he could never imagine. Then again, my friend never reciprocated the fact that he sent pictures too. I felt like a modern day Cyrano De Bergerac, texting my friend different ways to bring up the fact that all this had occured. "Ask him about all the books behind him in one of his pictures," I told him. That way you aren't being crude in a public place and discussing sex pictures and acts. That can be followed up later in the car. You have to put it out there.

My friend later told me that he didn't think they would talk again, which they didn't, but that the guy was also not sure if he was gay. Double wham! To this day, my friend still receives pictures of him...maybe he is still wondering if he is gay.

Single and Fabulous: single gay men doing it on their own

Name: Nicco Martinez
Sign: Sagittarius
Age: 23
Occupation: Bar Owner
Status: Single
Type: Young, twink, Latino boys
Words of Wisdom: "Have ambition, have drive, and self-confidence"




The bar, Ibiza, lies in the corner of a shopping plaza in Huntington Beach, blink once and you might miss it. I sat at the bar having a Stella Artois (my favorite) while I waited for Nicco to rap up a phone call. Out he comes wearing plaid shorts, and a V-neck, casual comfortable cool for the OC. He shoots over to the bar and greets me and then back on the phone, keys in hand..."Hey do you want to go with me to pick up my car from being serviced? I can use you for the carpool." From the get go I knew this would be the best interview!

We hop into his loaner BMW and off we speed.

The Man Behind the Bar
Nicco is not your average run of the mill guy who opened a bar to just run a bar. He lives for it, he feels it, he has a vision and a dream. Running a bar, a gay one at that, in a conservative town means a lot of press, upheaval, and well, haters! Like most, Nicco started off as a bartender at one of the local Long Beach clubs. But it wasn't long before he knew that he could run the best bar/club in town. Shortly after working at MetroQ, one of the few local gay clubs in the area, Nicco decided it was time...time to show what he had.

Nicco retained Ibiza Bar through a previous bar owner. His goal for this club is to be a place where the locals go and hang out, a regular gay ol' Cheers!

Nicco's Rules to Dating
Driving down the 405S we discussed matters of dating. As he perused the radio stations he finally settled on some latin dance music, his favorite. Well aware of my posts, the Tops and Bottoms of Dating, I had asked Nicco what were his standard rules, if any.

1. Biggest pet peeve, flakes. If you say you are going to meet or do anything, whether in dating or business, be on time and don't flake out. Sometimes a common occurrence with gay men.

2. Don't ask what the other person will buy you or where he will take you out.

3. Be yourself on a date and let your guard down. Be calm, be mellow, be you!

4. Don't talk about what you hate in a guy. It makes you sound negative. Instead talk about what you want in a guy or what you want to do in your life. Focus on the positive!

5. Never date your customers/patrons.

6. The most important rule is have ambition, have drive, and over all self-confidence. Everything else will fall into place.

Family, Love, and Relationships
Working in the bar industry you would think that it is impossible to have a semblance of a normal life; one which includes dating, having a relationship, or even keeping up with family. You would also leap to the idea that a bar owner is hopping around having sex with all his patrons. WRONG!

As we are inching down the freeway during rush hour Nicco halts those ideas as quickly as he stomps on the BMW's brakes. Nicco says he has seen it all. Many patrons of the bar cheat on their bfs/gfs/partners and he has held the secrets. After all, no drama, no muss. He is the Gretchen Weiners, big hair, a lot of secrets. Truthfully speaking his primary rule is, "Never date your customers." Doing so creates drama; following the rule keeps it away from YOU and your business.

But hearing and seeing it all definitely has not jaded young Nicco. He lives for his family. He lives for HIMSELF. Something that must never be forgotten and is often stressed to others by him. You have to see what you want and do it. At the moment Nicco is busy growing his business, but if a chance to date does come along he takes it. He believes that there is a one for the moment. This doesn't mean a one night stand, countless sex encounters, or random hook-ups, but that some people come into your life at one point for a certain reason. If you remain together for a long time, even better! Marriage, maybe. Nicco definitely believes in marriage with ALL the rights.

Family is important to Nicco, and one of the important things to him is being able to speak Spanish. He would love to meet someone he could sit down with and share stories all the while speaking Spanish, but even more so as a means to communicate with family. I found myself, intrigued by this thought because I am the same way. My family loves it when they meet someone I am dating and know they speak Spanish. You can relate on a whole other level.

But what is important to Nicco when it comes to love and relationships, even if he isn't dating? We all have bottom lines and deal breakers. According to Nicco, communication is the key for everything. "Talking is a must, and keeping my attention" He is always on the go, so keeping up with him is a must. Two people should support each other and be there for each other at any given moment. You have to push each other to greatness and want more out of each other, both individually and as a unit.

Sushi and Homework
After picking up his car, we ended our interview at Ra-Sushi in Huntington beach overlooking the ocean and amazing sunset. There I got to see the slowed-down version of Nicco. Now the interview was turned around on me. He delved into what I wanted.

There I was telling him about how my blog started and where I see it going in the near future. As we finished eating he asked me if I have seen the movie, The Secret. I have often seen the book, but never thought of buying it. Correction, I wanted to buy it, but I wasn't ready. His homework to me and to EVERYONE: "Watch the movie, it will change YOUR life." Rightly so, I look at Nicco and what he has accomplished and what he is aiming for, and realize everything is possible! Single, cute, sexy, intellectual, Nicco is the rare breed, but not alone in the gay community.

Single gay men doing it on their own....

IBIZA Nightclub | IBIZA Facebook

ASK:REPLY by Boymeetsboyblog.com; The Top 10 First Date Rules

This is the 1st in a series of ASK:REPLY videos. In this episode Boymeetsboyblog.com (BMBB.com) takes on the top 10 first date rules. Many have been wanting to know exactly what is alright to do on a first date, and what should one not do. I compiled a list of my own rules along with a few rules my friends and readers have came up with. Remember, always be YOURSELF, and in all matters of sex, always be safe!

Do you have any questions, or want to know more about dating, sex, lifestyle, relationships, or just want to say hi? Then send me an email over at boymeetsboy.blog@gmail.com or better yet send me a video!

the Tops and Bottoms of Dating: Part 12, Southern Edition

Todays post for, the Tops and Bottoms of Dating, comes from none other than TheManCrushblog.com! Serving up some witty and poignant Southern flair for dating advice. Read, have fun, and hun, don't tread on the all mighty Britney Spears! Deal breaker.

1. Pull out and reveal your "crazy" card on the first date. Maybe Yankees or West Coast guys are better at hiding or containing the crazy but in the South every guy, no matter how decent, hot or sane they appear to be, has a "crazy" card. We Southerners take pride in being eccentric and a bit off. I mean, hello, look at our Southern queen Britney Spears! Guys – if you're in the south or dating a Southern boy ... ask to see his "crazy" card. You don't want to go three dates in and have the guy whip it out on you and suddenly you're fearing for your life. True story: I once went out with a Marxist. I mean, really, I don't care much about your politics or political leanings but I kinda need a heads up if you're a bit crazy. It was like Moses parting the Red Sea: Him: "Oh yeah, I'm a Marxist." Me: [awkward silence] "Oh. Okay ..." Him: "Yeah, and I'm probably going to be dead within two years." Me: [frowns] "And why do you say that?" Him: "It's just the way it's gonna be." [shrugs]. Uhm, yes ... so you see, springing the crazy needs to happen during the flirting process. Give a guy some warning of how crazy you really are to be courteous. Please.

2. Let's not let that freak flag fly. Remember that episode of Desperate Housewives where Bree found out Rex was into being dominated and S&M? They had been married for years but she never knew this about him and he never told her. That was a good thing! For some reason that sort of modesty and secrecy does not exist amongst men. Oh, you'll hear all the kink and fetishes upfront and for some strange reason guys think this is a turn on. No! It isn't! I don't want to know the weird little things that gets your motors running. True story: I had a perfectly fine date once. We went to go see the movie version of Chicago. All was well up until the guy turns and asks, "Do you want to go into the mall with me? I need to buy a dress." Oh yes. He needed to buy a dress. For himself. He was a cross dresser! Letting that freak flag wave tall and proud is nice and stuff after you get to know a guy but it's usually a faux pas to let it fly prematurely in a relationship.

3. Let's not discuss your ex and other failed relationships. Sigh. You meet a really hot guy, you either get asked out or drum up the courage to ask him out and what happens? The whole date is spent talking about the ex and how that relationship fizzled. Unless your date is taking place on the set of Dr. Phil, let's not discuss exes or why your last relationship failed. I don't care about your ex. I'm trying to figure out if I care about you beyond hooking-up purposes. Let's keep the focus and conversation on us in the present, shall we?

4. Can we just avoid awkwardness and go dutch on the first date? There's always that awkward moment during that first date–who's going to pay? Him, you? What does it mean if he pays? What does it mean if you pay? We all know the answer to this question: paying establishes domination. Let him pay and you may get a free meal or coffee or whatever it is he's paying for: you'll be paying him back with a blow job or some other sexual favor. Take the pressure off and call it a truce: you pay for your ish, let him pay for his. That way no one is obligated under the gay terms of dating to do anything he doesn't want to do.

5. Give me some space, dammit! You meet a guy, you two are dating, things are going just swell. Then someone gets a bit too clingy. Give a guy some space! Sure, we're dating, we're hooking up. Or maybe I just entrusted you with my phone number or friended you on Facebook: I need space. Do not take a little green light by a guy as a sign that you're free to go absolutely crazy. Don't show up on his doorstep every night, don't expect to talk to him non-stop on the phone from the time he's off work till he's unconscious and fast asleep, don't think he's suddenly going to spend every waking hour with you: you're dating, or maybe just hooking up on a regular basis and casually have dinner or go out afterwards; I'm pretty sure he doesn't want a stalker or to feel like he's babysitting. Men like space and freedom, give it to them!

6. Pajamas will never be acceptable formal wear. I don't care if where we are going–whether it be to the grocery store at 12 in the morning, IHOP or Wal-Mart, it is not acceptable to be seen out in public in your pajamas. It's not sexy, it's not cool, don't do it, period.

7. Boys text. Real men call. If you can't call and talk like a grown up and can only text or worse, Tweet, you aren't worth my time.

8. If you ask me a question, don't get pissy over my answer. I'm all for communication and being an open book. So I'll be respectful and will keep my opinions to myself but if you ask me a question, don't hold my response against me if it doesn't match with what you were hoping to get as a response.

9. This is the South. Do not correct my English or Grammar skills. Look, I'll make every effort to speak in a manner in which you will be able to understand me but unless you're training me for a spelling bee or the G.R.E., do not expect every sentence I speak to be grammatically correct. The only time you should be correcting my oral skills is in the bedroom. Thanks!

10. I don't care how drugged up, confused, bloated and out of it she seems or appears–Britney Spears is the center of my world so shut up about how her "time is up." Listen, we're dating, going out (if even that), but that doesn't give you the right to rip the almighty, forever lip-syncing, slightly discombobulated Southern princess of pop. I'll endure your horrid taste in music, will nod along to the country music station, even stomach the un-Holy sounding gospel music. But I will not sit idly by as you rant and rave about how Britney Spears' is irrelevant, can't sing, washed up and so on and so forth. Bish is like herpes–she comes and goes but she's been around for years and isn't going anywhere anytime soon so get over. A strong dislike and continual ripping of the Cheeto and Uggs queen is grounds for breakup. Deal breaker! 

Gay Bar Etiquette R.1.0.1: How not to be the creepy gay guy

Here he comes, from across the bar. You made the mistake to turn his way and smile and then look away. You set the tone, even if unintentional. These are the times where kindness and a nice smile get you the things you don't want. I see his yellow polo shirt approaching me, his martini glass settles next to mine, and my heart begins to go full throttle. I continue to watch Billy Idol's, White Wedding, on the television. He peers at me, his leering stare is engrained on the side of my face.

Without a glance, he paces away. Phew, what a relief. Minutes later, I see the yellow shirt approach once again. This time he moves in a little closer, making sure I notice him. "Hey Daniel," my friend from out of town appears through the doors. Yellow shirt man is gone. 

Yellow is the color of a coward. He should have been a man and asked me something or my name, it's that easy. If you don't want to be THAT creeper at a bar here are some things you should attempt NOT to do:

1. Sit quietly next to the guy you think is cute and not say a word....ever. 

2. Never motion with your eyes, especially in the direction of a dark corner and/or bathroom. Shifty eyes be aware.

3. Don't wink at a guy from across the bar in order to get his attention.

4. Don't finger a guy over to you.

5. Don't come over and talk to him and then call him baby/babe.

Now that you know what you should avoid doing so that you will not be labelled the creepy looking, á la Terry Richardson hipster guy, here are a few things you should do:

1. Come up next to him, never from behind (unless you want to wear his drink), and say, "Hello, how are you." Then say something cute and funny, "I see you were forced to wear the pink shirt too because the men's were to large." Him--"No I actually picked this one."

2. Always ask for his name.

3. Offer to get him a drink, or split a round.

4. Walk him to his car if you shared a lovely evening chatting.

5. Always seal it by exchanging phone numbers or setting up a date.

Of course, more can always be added to either list. What are your experiences?

Breaking Up V4.0 ; The Impasse to Indifference

There we were, our skin touched by the soft incandescent light that came from the bedside lamp. As we laid there wrapped in each other's embrace, our bodies touching from head to toe, we were quietly lost in thought. And then..."What do you think about us? I feel like we are at an impasse in our relationship."

THUMP. We were at an impasse, and a decision had to be made.

We had been here before, the discussion of what is to come in the relationship. The first time was when he was leaving to visit family and we discussed the fact that there are a few things we both want and don't want in a long term relationship. After all, that was the goal of dating and having a relationship with the both of us. We both, at one time discussed family and the whole white picket fence scenario. Scary, I know. Growing up I knew that at some point I would want to settle down and have just that, a family. A family I could call my own. On the other hand, he never saw this in his future. We both knew it from the get go. Instead of just parting ways then and there, we both figured we were having fun with each other. We enjoyed spending time with each other; going on dates, hanging out at his house in the evenings. At the same time, we had both decided to take off the boyfriend status. Sadly, it only lasted a couple of weeks. At the time he asked, we both felt it was right, we were both caught in the moment.

We were both sitting down in his kitchen, gazing into each other's eyes. As he looked over to me, with his hazel eyes, he skirted around the question. Building it with the anticipation and me trying to draw out of him...do you want to be boyfriends?

But there we were, right before him going to see his family. Locked in his bedroom while his out of town guest was in the other room. We paced around, discussing the feelinga we both had after our own trip to Los Olivos, and right before becoming boyfriends. The idea of wanting a family and building something that one of us didn't want.

What was happening? We were prolonging the inevitable parting of ways.

Bottomline: I don't want it to just be TWO for the rest of my life.

We continued on after he came back from his trip. But things had changed. Things were said. A few days ago as I was prepping for some work and trying to get events organized. I went out to meet him and his friends. I figured we were going on a double date to dinner and a movie. This wasn't the case. There I was strolling down Main Street in Huntington Beach, dressed up, since I had gone right after work; Khakis and a striped shirt, dress shoes in tow. He signaled to me, "Well, we already started drinking, so you need to get on board." As for me, I wasn't looking to drink, I just wanted to relax, have a good meal, and watch a movie, as we had planned. As we began our ascent to one of the bars, I noticed there was another person there...it was now five of us. Automatically I felt my night had ended, and I was the 5th wheel. Plus, it didn't help that I was living in my head, struggling about issues going on at work.

Eating shabu shabu, I decided that I would just take off after dinner. My honesty vomit came up and said it, of course he was saddened. They began to round up their bikes and I began to say goodbye. He leaned in, gave me a strong hug, said, "I love you." We let go...I looked at him and said goodbye.

The impasse had become palpable, to the point where it was becoming visible to others...

We both had felt it coming, that day brought us to the realization that it just wasn't going to happen.

There I stood, sullen at the impasse to my indifference. I have known this feeling all too much.

Listen NOW to Boymeetsboyblog.com and BabbleOnPodcast

As you all know, I spent the evening with the gals at BabbleOnPodcast! Click the link to hear all the craziness that went down. Everything from trips to Mexico, cute McFly boys, and my dating dilemmas over at Boymeetsboyblog.com!

Make sure to download previous podcasts over at Itunes. If you haven't yet, and why haven't you, follow BabbleOn over at Twitter!

@BabbleOnPodcast | BabbleOnPodcast Facebook

the Tops and Bottoms of Dating: Part 11

1. Fresh breath is ALWAYS important! We are adults, use a toothbrush, a water pick, some floss, and mouth wash. Oh, and don't forget the dentist!

2. If you are going to tell someone what they can/can't do, then you must be sure to do the same. You can't set up rules and then not follow them, unless somehow you both mutually agree that it is stricken from the record and you can proceed as normal. The Court of Gay Love according to Judge Judy.

3. Me: "Hey there, how are you today?" Him: "Just hanging out, bored really." Me: "It's too nice of a day to be bored." Him: "Well, I'm actually horny." -- Bored=Horny.

4. Some guys use the selection of friends or looking for a relationship on profiles to get hit on more, instead of saying they are looking for a sex buddy. False advertisement, be honest about what you want. If people don't want to hit you up when you place looking for a sex bud it's probably for other reasons than you think.

5. If someone asks you in person what do you like to do, they mean exactly that, what do you like to do. Hobbies, life, friends, etc. When someone online asks you what do you like to do or into, they mean something else entirely...sex. What do you like to do sexually? So, why don't they just ask it that way?

6. When asked about how you feel about a certain situation, for example plans changing and three friends joining you making you feel like the 5th wheel because one friend is in love with the guy you are dating and needs his attention, speak up. Let him know how you feel, and it is always alright to excuse yourself from the situation and say, "Hey, I think I am just going to head home."

7. No matter how in love, don't forget to say you are sorry if you were wrong about something.

8. It's alright if you don't see the person you are dating every day. Sometimes you need your alone time to reacquaint yourself with YOU and the things you love to do. Secret single behavior.

9. Advice from a friend: "More than half the shit you think is important...isn't."

10. Make sure when you are dating someone, that their best friend (of the opposite sex) isn't in love with them. Awkward.

Oh My Queer Stars; Sex, Love, and Horoscopes

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The ONE and lONeLY; Myth vs. Truth

The One. Soulmate. Kindred Spirit. Other Half. Twin Flame. Amicus Animae.

Can you imagine spending the rest of your life with the person you are with? Really, think about it. The age old question if we believe in the ONE. There is no right or wrong answer, the only answer there is, is the one you believe to be true. So answer honestly.

Throughout life some of us realize that we are fine and sometimes better off alone. Case in point my ex-partner. This was the constant part of our arguing. I could never understand how someone could or would want to be alone and be fine if they never found someone. Too much importance placed on a significant other, possibly? He would often tell me that if we split up he would be fine without me, and that he would continue his life as normal, even after 9 years. This might be where my own personal craziness comes in, but I could never understand how he could easily write me out of his life.

Simply put he has lived alone and without need of a significant other, so to him it was easy to pick up and continue life. I on the other hand would metaphorically die if I never found the ONE. Call me delusional, but I like to view it as traditional. Growing up, I always knew I would fall in love with someone, boy or girl (but mostly a boy), have a family, and spend the rest of my life with this one person and the life we had created together. Together as one. In it to win it. For better or worse.

One year ago, crash and burn. Our relationship ended.

Exactly where does this idea of the ONE come from? One story sticks out the most for me and it is the Ancient Greek tale of the creation of humans. Zeus had created men and women to have two of everything, two sets of arms, two sets of legs, and their heads had two faces. These bodies were strong and could conquer anything together. They would move around by circling around and using their hands. Together these beings decided to scale Mount Olympus and take over the Gods. The same Gods that had created them. Zeus could not understand why these people he created wanted to fight them, so in order to control them he decided, with the help of Apollo, that he would split them and create two separate people out of their bodies. For Zeus knew that joined together these beings were unstoppable. They were strong and capable of conquering everything.

Once split, these bodies were running around searching for their other halves. If they were able to find them they would embrace and try to fuse together again. Unfortunately, they were not able to do so. Instead, they would live in despair and begin to starve to death in sorrow.

Union as we can see has always been an important concept to human beings. We find it in many forms; through close friendships and kinships made with other people. As I mentioned before as gay men/individuals we are allotted the chance to create family as we see fit. We can reformulate the idea of partner. If this wasn't so, we wouldn't write so much about love. There wouldn't be gods and goddesses, myth stories, love poets, etc., devoted to the idea of union, and one love. To deny it would be ridiculous. To believe the myth and bring it to fruition is another story.

The truth of the matter is, you can forget everything I just said and hash it out as myth, because the only thing that ever really matters is what you FEEL. Whether it be the one for now, the one forever, or the one for later...it's about your TRUTH.

the Tops and Bottoms of Dating, Video Edition: How to Meet a Guy Offline

I wanted to do another Tops an Bottoms of Dating, but in video form. This is one of many to come! Hope you enjoy! Also here are a few links to the shout outs I gave. Support the bloggers, podcasters, vloggers, and well everyone! Enjoy. xo

HaventHart.com | @HavenHart

theManCrushBlog.com | @Man_crush

@TheVelvetSpark

BabbleOnPodcast | @BabbleOnPodcast

Jizzona Straynger | @Jizzona

the Tops and Bottoms of Dating: Part 10

1. Find out what you do that annoys him and try not to do it anymore. Try. If you can't change it just let him know, "Hey! I was born this way." And then break out in song and dance.

2. Let him surprise you once in awhile, you might like it.

3. Get away together for a weekend. It's good practice just in case you ever decide to move in together. Plus, you can see if he does anything that annoys you.

4. Some times your musical tastes might not be aligned with each other and it's alright. Just add your own lyrics when he is listening to JLo, correction Jennifer Lopez now, and say she is amazing!

5. Don't double book yourself with your friend and him. Those are decisions that can not be solved with a coin toss.

6. If you are dating someone in another city, share the driving responsibilities. Plus it gives you an excuse to leave things at his place. A few articles of clothing, toothbrush, razor, a hair dryer with all of it's attachments, and a love fern. Hopefully he won't kill it!

7. Share in the decision making process. Every one has an opinion, especially gay men, so open your mouth and voice it! Not everyone wants to have a blue bathroom.

8. Don't tell a guy that you can get tired of being around some people, especially if you see them often. What you should say is that at times you need your ALONE/going with friends to the movie/getting drinks time. You can have separate lives and be together.

9. When going out to dinner with his parents, be presentable, but still be you. Just remember this rule of thumb, remove one piece of jewelry before you walk out the door (according to Coco Chanel).

10. It's a good thing if you wake up together and the first thing you can do is make him smile or laugh. Even if it is because you get crazy hair in the morning.

Men in the Kitchen: The Recipe for a Relationship, and Making it Work

Men, it's time to hit the kitchen! Gear up, grab your spatulas, measuring cups, whisks, and get ready to whip those eggs. Dating might be hard, but what about creating a relationship and making it work?

Ingredients necessary:
3 cups of dating
2 hearts in love
1 cup of honesty
3/4 cups of trust (add as necessary)
2 cups of open communication
a dash of sexual chemistry

**this recipe serves two people.

Preheat that dating oven to 400°F and get ready to mix.

1. Prepare the relationship by adding 3 cups of dating. Dating is very important because it allows the two people to get to know each other. They can share their mutual interests and get to know each other's bottom lines. You can add more or less of this ingredient as you may need. There is no set rule letting you know how much is necessary to make the perfect relationship, only YOU know that. Don't let others govern how you choose to do it.

2. Next, add a dash of sexual chemistry. Give it that spice you need! Lets face it, you have to be sexually attracted to the person or else all you really have is a platonic friendship. Spend some time having wild passionate sex, or have some sexy rendezvous. Sexual chemistry comes in different ways, such as, erotic massages, dirty talk, skype-sexing, use that imagination! Either way, if he doesn't make your blood flow then sexual chemistry isn't there.

3. After having endless nights of passionate sex, conversation over wine, and meeting his family and friends, it is time to add 1 cup of honesty and 3/4 cups of trust. By this time you two have really come to know each other. You both have developed trust and honesty for each other and what you want.  Trust is one of those rare ingredients to obtain. It isn't available at your local Trader Joes. If you really want it then you should be honest to yourself and him. Don't hide something that you know will rear it's ugly head later on in the relationship. Deal with it NOW. If you are able to find trust and honesty your relationship is on it's way to rising.

4. Once trust and honesty have been added it is time to add 2 cups of open communication. Add slowly and listen. Listening is a must. There are too many times that all we do is hear, but really pay attention and listen to what the other person has to say. You both have established that you like each other and that you are mutually interested in each other. Both of you have learned that you can talk to each other about anything.

5. Let the relationship rise and set in. You have talked, listened, gone on dates that have allowed you two to become closer than ever and trust each other. By this time you two have a lot on your mind.

6. Once the relationship has risen, you two can now add the 2 hearts in love. Love, is that other word used after like. After trust, love is the next hard ingredient to obtain. We say it to our family members, but to give it to someone else, who isn't blood related, is something that develops. It comes from the two people allowing themselves to open up the idea that this is REAL. There is a connection that reaches beyond friendship.

7. Now that you have established love, it is time to bake your relationship for 30 minutes. Make sure to check on it as necessary. Keep it alive, make it fun, be spontaneous and adventurous.

Bing! It is done! Take that relationship out of the oven and enjoy! Relationship is always best served warm.

The Top of the Matter: Why the Top has yet to top

Unicorns, those mythical creatures that gallop in evergreen forests where rainbows and leprechauns are always present. Amidst them is a rare and elusive breed of man, the Top who has never topped. How can this happen, you may ask. How does he know he is a top? Is he lying? A virgin...at the age of 40? I can hear it now, Daniel, don't be so gullible. Men will say anything in order to get into your pants (sometimes words aren't necessary).

There are many reasons to why a man may have never topped another guy. Sure, he is still gay! Being gay goes beyond the sexual act. Maybe, yes, he had sex with women, but that is not the same as topping a man. Is it? According to my friends, it isn't. There is a different skill set, different moves, another penis is involved. In my lifetime I have met two men, who have both not topped a guy and are both gay (and then they met me). Both were formerly with women. In order to fully understand why a man has never topped I went straight to the source. Here are a few reasons to why the Top never topped.

1. Too scared or nervous to do it. Especially if it is the first time...too cute!

2. Never had the opportunity. Having sex with straight men never allowed the opportunity other than to be a bottom...or oral.

3. Didn't realize there was a difference between a top and bottom. Some believe that being gay is a packaged deal, that one is both a top and a bottom. To quote my ex-boyfriend, "As you people call it now, versatile."

4. Not knowing how or what to do, performance anxiety. It comes back to wanting to please the other partner, after all sex is about mutual gratification. You want to make sure it is fun for both parties involved, and sometimes the feeling of possibly disappointing the other person sets in. Damn those power bottoms!

5. Overwhelmed with the concept that you/he is with someone like himself for the first time, ie. gay. Maybe he was married to a woman or dated girls previously. Give the poor guy a break!

6. Having sex for some is a big investment. He doesn't want to do it than have the person not be in his life. Some people are actually not looking for a hook-up.

8. He can't get over the fact that his penis will be inside of someone's butt. He is scared that it is dirty and doesn't know if he is ready to deal with that aspect of anal sex. FYI, it's call douching, men! If you haven't, you should.

Having sex with anyone is awkward the first time. Like I mentioned before, it is hard getting to know someone's body. You have to understand the rise and fall of their body. Don't make it hard if he has never topped, take your time, build your own relationship. You never know, it might be the hottest sex you will ever have!