Friday, June 17, 2011

Gay Bar Etiquette R.1.0.1: How not to be the creepy gay guy

Here he comes, from across the bar. You made the mistake to turn his way and smile and then look away. You set the tone, even if unintentional. These are the times where kindness and a nice smile get you the things you don't want. I see his yellow polo shirt approaching me, his martini glass settles next to mine, and my heart begins to go full throttle. I continue to watch Billy Idol's, White Wedding, on the television. He peers at me, his leering stare is engrained on the side of my face.

Without a glance, he paces away. Phew, what a relief. Minutes later, I see the yellow shirt approach once again. This time he moves in a little closer, making sure I notice him. "Hey Daniel," my friend from out of town appears through the doors. Yellow shirt man is gone. 

Yellow is the color of a coward. He should have been a man and asked me something or my name, it's that easy. If you don't want to be THAT creeper at a bar here are some things you should attempt NOT to do:

1. Sit quietly next to the guy you think is cute and not say a word....ever. 

2. Never motion with your eyes, especially in the direction of a dark corner and/or bathroom. Shifty eyes be aware.

3. Don't wink at a guy from across the bar in order to get his attention.

4. Don't finger a guy over to you.

5. Don't come over and talk to him and then call him baby/babe.

Now that you know what you should avoid doing so that you will not be labelled the creepy looking, รก la Terry Richardson hipster guy, here are a few things you should do:

1. Come up next to him, never from behind (unless you want to wear his drink), and say, "Hello, how are you." Then say something cute and funny, "I see you were forced to wear the pink shirt too because the men's were to large." Him--"No I actually picked this one."

2. Always ask for his name.

3. Offer to get him a drink, or split a round.

4. Walk him to his car if you shared a lovely evening chatting.

5. Always seal it by exchanging phone numbers or setting up a date.

Of course, more can always be added to either list. What are your experiences?

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