So Your Best Friend's Boyfriend Doesn't Like You: 10 ways to not be a bitch about it

The typical conversation between two gay men who are meeting for the first time always ends up discussing [gay] drama and how they avoid being a part of it. It has always been my experience that the people who say that constantly are usually the ones creating it or vying for the drama to come their way so they can add their two cents to the conversation at hand. After all, we all know, as gay men, we come with a manual on "how to throw your 2 cents into a conversation while adding a back handed comment in a bitchy high pitched voice... with two finger snaps." Here goes, I don't do drama, especially gay circle drama. We often hear about six degrees of separation; in the gay community that degree is far less if not null and nonexistent. Somehow in a round about way, you slept with your best friend's ex ex boyfriend who was also sleeping with your ex boyfriend who is somehow connected through another gay guy living in Florida who both of you slept with at one time and not together or while dating each other. Lost yet? Yeah it's kind of like that.

Recently, through conjecture, I have figured that the boyfriend of a friend of mine, does not like me. Could it be the fact that he back handedly insulted me in front of his current boyfriend and my good friend. Maybe, or is it that I stood there and said nothing while the insult was being dished and was good hearted and genuinely wanted to get to know him. That's when I thought to myself, omg I am in gay drama. How does one deal with this certain situation, especially if you see each other casually, and you don't want to be a bitch? Because genuinely, you don't know why he doesn't like you. Better yet, why does it matter? It doesn't... but seeing that he is the boyfriend of a friend, I want to be the better person and continue my niceness. Here are 10 ways to not be a bitch:

1. At first meeting always apologize if you did anything rude or you felt you might have offended him. Let's get the past out of the way and start fresh. It's not your fault you don't wave to strangers while strolling through the mall...note to self: wave to everyone.

2. Invite said friend and boyfriend over for dinner with other friends. A peace treaty and proper introduction. Always have a buffer, especially if you have a volatile personality and are prone to yell out and say mean things. This isn't a Real Wives of New Jersey Reunion.

3. If attending an event/affair/hang-out and said person will be there, make sure to not be mean or say anything that would make you LOOK like the bitch. Be genuine, be nice, try and get to know him...even if he decides to do otherwise... or call you a slut.

4. At the end of anything, always offer a hug, be nice and civil...after all you never thought poorly of the person or said anything. Don't worry if he offers his hand for a shake instead...maybe he doesn't do hugs and kisses... like some gay men [me].

5. You are all connected via Facebook, Twitter, tumblr, Mobli, or Google+ and all comments are shared.  Things will be said... never comment back, throwing in your two cents; after all it doesn't matter. People will say mean and negative things, you aren't for everyone's pleasure. Instead say the proper thanks to other people and gloss over the said negative comment... after all his boyfriend and your friend are also mutual friends.

6. Instead of bitching in a public forum or posting anything, talk to your friends. Let them know and get their insight. Before you know it, they are the ones posting the bitchy comments for you...that way you don't have to. Snaps.

7. The logical thing would be to talk to your friend, after all he is your friend. If he hasn't noticed the behavior, he is probably busy or shuts off when the boyfriend is being a bitch, or better yet, your friend has manners. Rather than going to him about his boyfriend's issues with you, I say leave it alone, and don't bother. Continue your friendship with your friend, and choose not to bring up his boyfriend.

8. Continue your pact of kindness to yourself at all times because you never know when you might see each other again... maybe at a fashion show for another dear friend. This time, take caution and extend your hand to give a shake, since that is his modus operandi, for fear of upsetting the god of gay etiquette. And smite he will, with a bad hair day and nothing cute to wear.

9. In all matter, never feed fuel to the flame... didn't your mom teach you better? If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all. Instead, if need be, delete their profile, that way you no longer can see their comments. Life is that easy...until they decide to make an account with a fake name.

10. You have been nice, you have been civil, and you refuse to say anything negative... good for you! If all else fails, and the Mean Girls attitude continues and you are looking over your shoulder every visit making sure daggers aren't being thrown or a drink won't be flung at you, or that you will be thrown into a pool while wearing your brand new Dolce and Gabbana shirt, take a note from the gay man's manual...and be the bitch...blog it!

The Art of Breaking Up: Remnants of a technologically challenged heart

Emotionally, breaking-up is hard to do, but with today's technology it has become fast and efficient. It is as easy as going to the super market and checking yourself out; only you and a machine, no one else to help you out and no one to look you in the eye. People, more and more are ascribing to the idea of a relationship as a business transaction. No more feelings involved, void of any real contact. Is this healthy? Better yet, doesn't the other person warrant a little more respect, don't you?

What happened to the days when people would meet up, discuss their relationship, and figure it isn't working out? You would sit around, discuss the pros and cons of your life together, however long it was, and come to a mutual decision. Face to face, in living color.

One of my good friends was at work one day, trekking along as usual, looking for the best model to photograph. He is an up and coming designer in the LA area, great guy, self-proclaimed Gaysian, with the most adorable fiance. They would text back and forth throughout the day, due to their busy schedules, when one day a notice on Facebook popped-up. The dreaded little bing that would cause more drama than Charlie Sheen picking up another cracked-out hooker and landing on TMZ. The post read, I don't want to do this anymore. Not to mention, along with the post came the dreaded status change from in a relationship with to single. It's like they say if it isn't on Facebook, it isn't official. Without skipping a beat, as soon as it hit the Facebook walls of all his friends (mutual friends can be good and bad) the comment thread began.

Note to self: having separate friends can be a great thing. Mutual friends can become hard when a break up ensues. 

Is this new method of awkward social media breaking-up becoming the norm? Have people really decided as a collective that Facebook is real life and the same as communicating in person? Besides Facebook, you also have Twitter, a communication space that allows you to say anything at 140 characters or less. Short, concise, and to the point. Imagine, a status update being tweeted to thousands of your Twitter followers, stating he no longer wants to go out with you. Break-ups have moved from becoming private to public. Going back to the idea, can a break-up ever occur peacefully, or does there always have to be a drama-filled environment to cause the situation to transpire? Pushing it out to a public forum does make it non-retractable, unnegotiable, unresonable to ever get back together.

Breaking-up can now be shared with thousands of people. You can find sympathy from all parts of the world. A, hey you are going to be alright, from Africa, or, don't worry there are better men out there and you deserve much more, from Canada.

These new forums for breaking-up have created a new type of a guy: the technologically savvy heart-breaker. Along with that, they want to over-communicate everything you two do together and there is a picture for everything, a status update for Facebook, and a Twitter message of the things you say. Social media has normalized his behavior, making him unaware of his awkward breaking-up strategy when it has to be done face-to-face.

There we were, laying in each others arms after I cummed inside his mouth. When he says that maybe this relationship will not go anywhere else, and, he feels like the other guy. Previously we had other issues (which were written about in an earlier post) but nothing prepared me for this. I responded with, there was no need to get me naked to break up with me, why did you do this? I wanted to get a last taste, was the response.

At this point, a Twitter or Facebook status post would have been better than hearing that.