Monday, October 31, 2011

So Your Best Friend's Boyfriend Doesn't Like You: 10 ways to not be a bitch about it

The typical conversation between two gay men who are meeting for the first time always ends up discussing [gay] drama and how they avoid being a part of it. It has always been my experience that the people who say that constantly are usually the ones creating it or vying for the drama to come their way so they can add their two cents to the conversation at hand. After all, we all know, as gay men, we come with a manual on "how to throw your 2 cents into a conversation while adding a back handed comment in a bitchy high pitched voice... with two finger snaps." Here goes, I don't do drama, especially gay circle drama. We often hear about six degrees of separation; in the gay community that degree is far less if not null and nonexistent. Somehow in a round about way, you slept with your best friend's ex ex boyfriend who was also sleeping with your ex boyfriend who is somehow connected through another gay guy living in Florida who both of you slept with at one time and not together or while dating each other. Lost yet? Yeah it's kind of like that.

Recently, through conjecture, I have figured that the boyfriend of a friend of mine, does not like me. Could it be the fact that he back handedly insulted me in front of his current boyfriend and my good friend. Maybe, or is it that I stood there and said nothing while the insult was being dished and was good hearted and genuinely wanted to get to know him. That's when I thought to myself, omg I am in gay drama. How does one deal with this certain situation, especially if you see each other casually, and you don't want to be a bitch? Because genuinely, you don't know why he doesn't like you. Better yet, why does it matter? It doesn't... but seeing that he is the boyfriend of a friend, I want to be the better person and continue my niceness. Here are 10 ways to not be a bitch:

1. At first meeting always apologize if you did anything rude or you felt you might have offended him. Let's get the past out of the way and start fresh. It's not your fault you don't wave to strangers while strolling through the mall...note to self: wave to everyone.

2. Invite said friend and boyfriend over for dinner with other friends. A peace treaty and proper introduction. Always have a buffer, especially if you have a volatile personality and are prone to yell out and say mean things. This isn't a Real Wives of New Jersey Reunion.

3. If attending an event/affair/hang-out and said person will be there, make sure to not be mean or say anything that would make you LOOK like the bitch. Be genuine, be nice, try and get to know him...even if he decides to do otherwise... or call you a slut.

4. At the end of anything, always offer a hug, be nice and civil...after all you never thought poorly of the person or said anything. Don't worry if he offers his hand for a shake instead...maybe he doesn't do hugs and kisses... like some gay men [me].

5. You are all connected via Facebook, Twitter, tumblr, Mobli, or Google+ and all comments are shared.  Things will be said... never comment back, throwing in your two cents; after all it doesn't matter. People will say mean and negative things, you aren't for everyone's pleasure. Instead say the proper thanks to other people and gloss over the said negative comment... after all his boyfriend and your friend are also mutual friends.

6. Instead of bitching in a public forum or posting anything, talk to your friends. Let them know and get their insight. Before you know it, they are the ones posting the bitchy comments for you...that way you don't have to. Snaps.

7. The logical thing would be to talk to your friend, after all he is your friend. If he hasn't noticed the behavior, he is probably busy or shuts off when the boyfriend is being a bitch, or better yet, your friend has manners. Rather than going to him about his boyfriend's issues with you, I say leave it alone, and don't bother. Continue your friendship with your friend, and choose not to bring up his boyfriend.

8. Continue your pact of kindness to yourself at all times because you never know when you might see each other again... maybe at a fashion show for another dear friend. This time, take caution and extend your hand to give a shake, since that is his modus operandi, for fear of upsetting the god of gay etiquette. And smite he will, with a bad hair day and nothing cute to wear.

9. In all matter, never feed fuel to the flame... didn't your mom teach you better? If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all. Instead, if need be, delete their profile, that way you no longer can see their comments. Life is that easy...until they decide to make an account with a fake name.

10. You have been nice, you have been civil, and you refuse to say anything negative... good for you! If all else fails, and the Mean Girls attitude continues and you are looking over your shoulder every visit making sure daggers aren't being thrown or a drink won't be flung at you, or that you will be thrown into a pool while wearing your brand new Dolce and Gabbana shirt, take a note from the gay man's manual...and be the it!

1 comment:

  1. Hey wait, I thought I was your best friend! And I'm single! Just remember, bros before hoes! hahaha!