Monday, May 2, 2011

The Top of the Matter: Why the Top has yet to top

Unicorns, those mythical creatures that gallop in evergreen forests where rainbows and leprechauns are always present. Amidst them is a rare and elusive breed of man, the Top who has never topped. How can this happen, you may ask. How does he know he is a top? Is he lying? A the age of 40? I can hear it now, Daniel, don't be so gullible. Men will say anything in order to get into your pants (sometimes words aren't necessary).

There are many reasons to why a man may have never topped another guy. Sure, he is still gay! Being gay goes beyond the sexual act. Maybe, yes, he had sex with women, but that is not the same as topping a man. Is it? According to my friends, it isn't. There is a different skill set, different moves, another penis is involved. In my lifetime I have met two men, who have both not topped a guy and are both gay (and then they met me). Both were formerly with women. In order to fully understand why a man has never topped I went straight to the source. Here are a few reasons to why the Top never topped.

1. Too scared or nervous to do it. Especially if it is the first time...too cute!

2. Never had the opportunity. Having sex with straight men never allowed the opportunity other than to be a bottom...or oral.

3. Didn't realize there was a difference between a top and bottom. Some believe that being gay is a packaged deal, that one is both a top and a bottom. To quote my ex-boyfriend, "As you people call it now, versatile."

4. Not knowing how or what to do, performance anxiety. It comes back to wanting to please the other partner, after all sex is about mutual gratification. You want to make sure it is fun for both parties involved, and sometimes the feeling of possibly disappointing the other person sets in. Damn those power bottoms!

5. Overwhelmed with the concept that you/he is with someone like himself for the first time, ie. gay. Maybe he was married to a woman or dated girls previously. Give the poor guy a break!

6. Having sex for some is a big investment. He doesn't want to do it than have the person not be in his life. Some people are actually not looking for a hook-up.

8. He can't get over the fact that his penis will be inside of someone's butt. He is scared that it is dirty and doesn't know if he is ready to deal with that aspect of anal sex. FYI, it's call douching, men! If you haven't, you should.

Having sex with anyone is awkward the first time. Like I mentioned before, it is hard getting to know someone's body. You have to understand the rise and fall of their body. Don't make it hard if he has never topped, take your time, build your own relationship. You never know, it might be the hottest sex you will ever have!

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