|photo by Alan Ilagan|
At this point we have all gone on a few first dates, good and bad. For those of you who have SURVIVED, congratulations! On to the second date. The first date might be the hardest, but how does one land the second date? Are there tell tale signs? Do you wait a couple of days before you ask, text, Facebook message him? Maybe he didn't really like you and instead faked a great first date. Here is the security deposit to the Second Date. The signs you should watch for, the text of his speech, his body language, and of course the things you shouldn't do to NOT get a second date. In order to fully understand if there is a promise of a second date we must dissect the first date.
You know mom always said, you never get a second chance to make a first impression, so make it count! If there will be a second date, you better shine on the first, and it all starts out at the beginning. Do you have fresh breathe? Always make sure to shower and apply deodorant. Be on time. It's alright to be old fashioned and dare we say it, courteous on the first date...if it isn't you, maybe you should give it a shot!
1. If you have already chatted a bit and know you two like each other, charm him. Open the car door for him, be a gentleman. Just because we are gay doesn't mean chivalry and romance go out the window. Think with your head, and not the one between your legs. Plus, this might leave a lasting impression after the first date is over and he goes and dishes with his friends...and he opened the door for me.
2. Being on time is definitely high up there. If one is buying into the whole idea of relationships being a business transaction, then one should ALWAYS be on time. Are you ever late to an interview? NO! In life, I have learned the rule of being 15 minutes early...to everything. If you are running late, be courteous and send a message to him. You don't want him thinking he is being stood up, right?
Once hellos are all in order and you managed to make it out to your destination, the real show begins. Like a meal, the middle of the date is the most important to creating the second date. What you say will have an impact, so choose your topics wisely, and don't be afraid to stray away from things you might not feel comfortable talking about just yet.
3. Allow them to join in on the conversation. Don't dominate the date. I am sure you have some interesting insights about politics, religion, lifestyle, and maybe you feel the government is watching you through Facebook. This isn't the time to discuss THAT! If so, what did you really learn about them?
4. DON'T talk about politics, religion, lifestyle...just yet. That can kill the first date (if you have opposed ideologies) and then there will be no second date. It doesn't ALWAYS have to be about your views being right, you know what they say, opposites attract.
5. Body language is one of the most important keys to figuring out if he is feeling you on the first date and give way to any inclinations for a second date. Is he attentive to what you are saying? Or, is he just glossed over looking past you?
6. Full facial contact. Wait right there, get the idea of cock in your face or full make out session out of your mind, that's not what I am talking about here. If a guy is fully engaged in the date his face will make full contact. He will be smiling, his eyes open up and react to comments or your stories, he is fully vested in what YOU are doing. If you are both doing it at the same time, then BONUS, you are both having a great first date which means you are on the way to a second date. As long ask you ask.
Ending the date
Wow, so much was said. You both were fully engaged in a face fuck of conversation. This is probably the point where you begin to second guess yourself about how EVERYTHING went during the date. STOP it! Wipe your hands, take a deep breath and let him know if YOU had a good time. This is the point where the first date can end and give way to the second date in a matter of seconds, minutes, or days. Ending the date is the same as writing a thesis, reiterate what happened and follow it up with, I had a lot of fun [insert awkward nervous laugh and pray he did too].
7. If you had a good time, say it. If he is shy or maybe insecure, you telling him will hopefully prompt him to know that you are in for a second date.
8. Ask for the second date. Some people will say that maybe you should wait a few days, a week, and give the guy and yourself some time to reflect on what happened. Maybe hang out with your friends, give them the dish of the date and get their feedback. I say, do whatever you feel is right. I have been asked out on a second date right after the first one ended. It's all about approach.
Post First Date
Is he going to call me back? Will he text me? Maybe he will send me a private Facebook/Twitter message. Wait, should I call him back and ask him out? Oh no, I said the wrong thing. I was picking at my face the whole time, my hair was bad. Post date anything, we freak out if things don't happen according to plan. Guess what? There really isn't a set plan to the after-date. If he likes you, he probably said it. If he had a great time, guess what? He also probably said it. So don't text him once every hour without a reply. Let him settle in, or if you were lucky you had already made plans for the next date during the first. Great job!
9. How persistent should someone be after the first date? Well, like I said it is about approach. If he wasn't into you during the first date then you would have known. It's been my experience that gay men, tend to tell it how it is. Either verbally or physically. If you didn't pick up on it, then send out a message after the first date. Say, hi, how have you been? DON'T do it every hour! Have some restraint. If after a couple of days nothing, then let it go. If he really wants to go on a second date and he is busy, he can contact you. Messaging works both ways. Period.
10. If during the first date, they say, I can't wait to do this again. Or, this is so refreshing to go on such a great date. You are a shoe in! Set something up, maybe you both discussed something you BOTH really wanted to do, or there is a great art exhibit you both have been dying to see. Ask him out!