Letters to the One I Loved

Dear so-called-Monster,

Truth is, you are not a monster. I demonized you in a way that put you out of my life because you broke my heart. At this point in life you think we would be use to heartache, almost numb to it. But that is neither here nor there, what's done is done, it is what it is.

In the short months that we knew each other, I believe we had a bond. The bond of music. We both could turn on the radio and it was ALWAYS our jam playing. We met at a bar, there I sat wearing my rust-colored leather jacket, waiting. You came up behind me said hello and gave me a hug. We sat in the back as you casually smoked your cigarette, discussing queer theories, and our passion for indie dance music. In the cool breeze of the evening you walked me to my car and we kissed. Kissing with passion, it could have been the alcohol consumed that made us do it, or the fact that we both love the band Crystal Castles and had been playing in the background. You looked at me and said, wow, I really like you. I want you to come back to my place but I really like you and don't want to ruin that. You had said the right words at the moment they needed to come out. It was perfect.

We began dating, amidst the fact that you were moving into a new place. You told me your fantasy and showed me the romantic side of you. All you wanted was a slow song to come on, a guy you like/love in the room, and a dance with him. The first night of your move, we took our guitars, a lamp, and your Macbook. We sat in the middle of your barren new apartment, armed with our musical inclinations. Earlier in the day I had made a CD. Like school kids we sat there listening to it, fidgeting with my guitar, you with your camera in hand. You asked me, so, what's the surprise? Don't worry, it's coming up, I responded. You couldn't wait any longer so I found myself skipping to the song. Truth is, I couldn't wait either. Slow, steady, the lyrics begin the chorus hits, kissing...kissing. As I am standing up from the floor, I reach over with my hand out and ask you to dance. As we slow danced in your soon to be living room, you whispered, this is boyfriend status.

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

Here I am, a year later. If we were together still...well you get the idea. Looking back I realized it's our love and passion for music that I miss. Remember the time, we both decided it should be an early Christmas? We were getting ready and you began playing Mariah Carey's, Jesus Oh What A Wonderful Child. At first I teased you and then you had me singing along with it. We would put the song on any chance we could, just so we could clap and act like fools. We loved Christmas and I am sure we separately still do.

A few days before Halloween we went on a candy spree over at the Rite-Aide across from your place. We were armed like little children in a candy store, literally. We wanted everything that had a calorie count that would give you a heart attack. Along with the apple pie you baked, from the apples we picked on one of our dates out in the mountains, we ate the candy corn and sweet apple pie. Our love for the holidays, it was a great friendship.

Remember the time I introduced you to Adele? The song you most loved was, Crazy For You. As you sang it, you sang it and looked at me. The smile on your face would always appear. The same smile you had when I watched you strum your guitar to the song, More than Words, and Blackbird. Your voice was soothing, rushing over me, giving me the same feeling I had when we first slept together...and that is Never Too Much.

Friendship can be tricky. Dating someone and then being friends afterwards is even trickier. You feel like you have to set up rules between each other. If you begin dating other people, is it alright to introduce each other? Does it matter? After all at some point, we have all slept or will sleep with each other. In a small city or even a large one, six degrees of separation dwindles down to one degree. I won't lie, I search for you when I go to the bar. Hoping to catch a glimpse of you and maybe being able to say, hello. Grab a beer together, chat about what we have been up to, how school is going for yourself, where I am at in my life. After all, we had a good friendship while we were dating, why can't our friendship continue through a small bump in the road?

People break up. Guys change their minds about what they want, and that wasn't your fault. You had the decency to communicate it. We thought we would remain friends, until I did something. I wrote about my heartache. That was a year ago, I was hurt...I didn't think I could be your friend. There were feelings still involved in my part. Looking back now, I realize it is our friendship I miss the most...How does one reach out? To make amends and become friends...once again.

the Tops and Bottoms of Dating: Part 12, Southern Edition

Todays post for, the Tops and Bottoms of Dating, comes from none other than TheManCrushblog.com! Serving up some witty and poignant Southern flair for dating advice. Read, have fun, and hun, don't tread on the all mighty Britney Spears! Deal breaker.

1. Pull out and reveal your "crazy" card on the first date. Maybe Yankees or West Coast guys are better at hiding or containing the crazy but in the South every guy, no matter how decent, hot or sane they appear to be, has a "crazy" card. We Southerners take pride in being eccentric and a bit off. I mean, hello, look at our Southern queen Britney Spears! Guys – if you're in the south or dating a Southern boy ... ask to see his "crazy" card. You don't want to go three dates in and have the guy whip it out on you and suddenly you're fearing for your life. True story: I once went out with a Marxist. I mean, really, I don't care much about your politics or political leanings but I kinda need a heads up if you're a bit crazy. It was like Moses parting the Red Sea: Him: "Oh yeah, I'm a Marxist." Me: [awkward silence] "Oh. Okay ..." Him: "Yeah, and I'm probably going to be dead within two years." Me: [frowns] "And why do you say that?" Him: "It's just the way it's gonna be." [shrugs]. Uhm, yes ... so you see, springing the crazy needs to happen during the flirting process. Give a guy some warning of how crazy you really are to be courteous. Please.

2. Let's not let that freak flag fly. Remember that episode of Desperate Housewives where Bree found out Rex was into being dominated and S&M? They had been married for years but she never knew this about him and he never told her. That was a good thing! For some reason that sort of modesty and secrecy does not exist amongst men. Oh, you'll hear all the kink and fetishes upfront and for some strange reason guys think this is a turn on. No! It isn't! I don't want to know the weird little things that gets your motors running. True story: I had a perfectly fine date once. We went to go see the movie version of Chicago. All was well up until the guy turns and asks, "Do you want to go into the mall with me? I need to buy a dress." Oh yes. He needed to buy a dress. For himself. He was a cross dresser! Letting that freak flag wave tall and proud is nice and stuff after you get to know a guy but it's usually a faux pas to let it fly prematurely in a relationship.

3. Let's not discuss your ex and other failed relationships. Sigh. You meet a really hot guy, you either get asked out or drum up the courage to ask him out and what happens? The whole date is spent talking about the ex and how that relationship fizzled. Unless your date is taking place on the set of Dr. Phil, let's not discuss exes or why your last relationship failed. I don't care about your ex. I'm trying to figure out if I care about you beyond hooking-up purposes. Let's keep the focus and conversation on us in the present, shall we?

4. Can we just avoid awkwardness and go dutch on the first date? There's always that awkward moment during that first date–who's going to pay? Him, you? What does it mean if he pays? What does it mean if you pay? We all know the answer to this question: paying establishes domination. Let him pay and you may get a free meal or coffee or whatever it is he's paying for: you'll be paying him back with a blow job or some other sexual favor. Take the pressure off and call it a truce: you pay for your ish, let him pay for his. That way no one is obligated under the gay terms of dating to do anything he doesn't want to do.

5. Give me some space, dammit! You meet a guy, you two are dating, things are going just swell. Then someone gets a bit too clingy. Give a guy some space! Sure, we're dating, we're hooking up. Or maybe I just entrusted you with my phone number or friended you on Facebook: I need space. Do not take a little green light by a guy as a sign that you're free to go absolutely crazy. Don't show up on his doorstep every night, don't expect to talk to him non-stop on the phone from the time he's off work till he's unconscious and fast asleep, don't think he's suddenly going to spend every waking hour with you: you're dating, or maybe just hooking up on a regular basis and casually have dinner or go out afterwards; I'm pretty sure he doesn't want a stalker or to feel like he's babysitting. Men like space and freedom, give it to them!

6. Pajamas will never be acceptable formal wear. I don't care if where we are going–whether it be to the grocery store at 12 in the morning, IHOP or Wal-Mart, it is not acceptable to be seen out in public in your pajamas. It's not sexy, it's not cool, don't do it, period.

7. Boys text. Real men call. If you can't call and talk like a grown up and can only text or worse, Tweet, you aren't worth my time.

8. If you ask me a question, don't get pissy over my answer. I'm all for communication and being an open book. So I'll be respectful and will keep my opinions to myself but if you ask me a question, don't hold my response against me if it doesn't match with what you were hoping to get as a response.

9. This is the South. Do not correct my English or Grammar skills. Look, I'll make every effort to speak in a manner in which you will be able to understand me but unless you're training me for a spelling bee or the G.R.E., do not expect every sentence I speak to be grammatically correct. The only time you should be correcting my oral skills is in the bedroom. Thanks!

10. I don't care how drugged up, confused, bloated and out of it she seems or appears–Britney Spears is the center of my world so shut up about how her "time is up." Listen, we're dating, going out (if even that), but that doesn't give you the right to rip the almighty, forever lip-syncing, slightly discombobulated Southern princess of pop. I'll endure your horrid taste in music, will nod along to the country music station, even stomach the un-Holy sounding gospel music. But I will not sit idly by as you rant and rave about how Britney Spears' is irrelevant, can't sing, washed up and so on and so forth. Bish is like herpes–she comes and goes but she's been around for years and isn't going anywhere anytime soon so get over. A strong dislike and continual ripping of the Cheeto and Uggs queen is grounds for breakup. Deal breaker! 

the Tops and Bottoms of Dating: Part 6

1. I said it before, I will say it again, don't ever talk about the ex on the first date.

2. Crying, screaming children, cholos, vatos, b-boys, familias...next time pick somewhere to have a date that doesn't include this clientele.

3. Cheek kisses are always welcome on a first date. It's cute. They are fun. They remind me of being a kid and when you kissed a girl on the cheek then ran away all giddy. Young Love.

4. If you pick up the guy to go on a date, always have a play list ready on your Ipod. He will more than likely ask what kind of music you like. Hit play, listen, and enjoy.

5. Lady Gaga, Katy Perry, Britney Spears, should NOT be on the playlist.

6. Use a cold rainy day to have a stay-at-home date. Light the fire, watch a movie, or listen to music, while you chat and learn about yourselves over a glass of wine.

7. Get a good bottle of wine! Google it, read up on it, that way you sound informed, smart, and damn it like you know your wine. Gay men love wine connoisseurs...and musicians.

8. Be careful of guys who read your blog/Livejournal/Tumblr/Buzznet etc, they might be dating you because they want to be a post in your blog.

9. Don't date people who are your readers/follower of your blog.

10. Wine and a movie are the new first date.

the Tops and Bottoms of Dating: Part 3

 

1. It is never alright to hit up your ex's friend on Grindr. Especially if the relationship ended badly. Have some fucking dignity and self-respect! Wait about 3 months and then go for it! My friends advise me otherwise...

2. Figure out your own bottom line/ deal breaker before you ask it to the person you are on a date with, because more than likely he will ask you too.