diary of a gay boy: the [im]perfect gentleman

...because sometimes things aren't perfect and neither is he. Dating is a bitch, but you don't have to date one.

...sometimes I feel too much...

...sometimes something happens, and you end up feeling more than you should. I always feel too much. Truth is, I haven't felt this way in a long time...www.boymeetsboyblog.com

Failed Attempts & Outfits Missed

It's Friday night, another day, one more evening, a reoccurring failed attempt of going out. Exactly how many times should one try and meet up with someone? It shouldn't be too hard right? You make a date, you anticipate the day, making sure you have the right outfit that says you didn't try too hard (this is something I casually throw on), and then one or the other picks each other up. Done deal, right? Before you know it, you are getting a text, never a phone call because that makes it more awkward and you have to deal with the situation at hand right then and there, he lets you know that he has to cancel. Something unexpectedly came up. Its always unexpected.  You chalk this failed attempt to another flaky moment in courtesy of another gay guy brought not to you by Frosted Flakes.

We met at a night club one evening where we were introduced by a mutual friend. He was outside, having a drink (later to be learned that it was water and he doesn't drink anymore), waiting to go on as the DJ. Standing in front of the double doors, we spoke about music and how the landscape of it has changed over the past few years. I let him in on my guilty pleasure, that I love old skool music, and Art Laboe. Gangster at heart (I can, I wear plaid). He was taken aback that I would be interested in music that was older than me and that he had grown up with...he is 43. It was a great evening, we exchanged numbers and decided we would meet up outside the club where we could hear ourselves talk a little bit better over some food and water/drinks. 

A few days went by when we both committed to a day that would work best with our conflicting schedules. He works Monday through Friday, while my schedule is pretty much everywhere depending on what is going on. Before I knew it, the day had crawled unnoticed into my week and I was finding myself looking for what to wear and getting ready last minute, when, a couple of hours before he extended the time and asked, can we meet later in the evening? Of course, I said. If you warn me ahead of time, that is great. Gives me more time to finalize what I am wearing, brush my teeth for the hundreth time, and make sure I haven't applied too much chapstick. Neurotic, just a tad bit. The evening drew closer, my anticipation was killing me that I had to grab a snack. I eat when I get nervous, which leads to my stomach hurting and me checking my teeth for stains every minute. I turn the Apple TV on, play some music, mellow out, and instead I find my mind wandering, already waiting for the text of, hey can we reschedule. Or worse yet, the dreaded he isn't even going to text and leave me hanging here, all prettied up in the best outfit I have ever worn. What is this, Pretty in Pink? Wake up, where is my Duckie?

He never text back. Or called.

Definitely not wanting to be the bitch to text back and sound desperate, the best was to assume something came up. He maybe had family come by and he isn't out so he had to stay home rather than lie and say he was going out with a woman or something. Or, maybe he forgot he had something scheduled that evening, a cuter guy, another date, washing his hair and relacing his shoes. Because all of those CAN happen.

Later I find out, through yet another text, that he felt really tired after work and ended up falling asleep. Oh, ok. Maybe that's my problem, I am a sucker, gullible, willing to believe any excuse other than listen to my own head. I remember the guy saying he works right down the street from where I live...so he was tired? We could have easily met up right after he was off, rather than drive back home, get ready, and then go back out. We could have made it a short night. 

After that week, I decided I would head out and get a drink with a few friends. There he was the DJ again. Yeah, I knew he would be there, but I wasn't going to get all stalkarazzi on him. I simply wanted to go out, see a few old friends, and have a drink. He walks down from the DJ area and leaves his friend spinning, and walks right over to me. He apologized in person and asked if we could meet up again. I am a nice person, sometimes, so I said yes. Figuring this time he would feel bad so he wouldn't flake or fall asleep when he got home from work.

This time I was going to be prepared and have my outfit picked out and not get ready until he confirmed that evening. I wasn't going to be the fool...plus maybe I could save the outfit for another day if he did flake. The night slowly passed, and I continued to watch reruns of Queer As Folk, my brand new old obsession. On a side note, never watch QAF before a date, especially a first date, all the sex scenes just make you horny and then you have wild circuit party music running through your head in the evening. We had set to go out again at 7, the magical hour. He wasn't going to call again, at least that is what was running through my head. This time he was going to give me some lame excuse that something was wrong with his car and that he couldn't leave the house, regardless of the fact that I drive, and have a car, and can also pick him up. So instead I would go out with my friends to the bar to get a drink, and bitch about that fact that I was stood up yet again...only to see him there at the bar with some other guy. I would have my lines prepared and my dagger eyes sharpened, able to cut through steel and flaky guys.

Worked up in a rage of already making up his excuses in my own head, knowing that he would flake, I was ready and prepared. You don'y just make a date and cancel...two times. Who does that? If you want to see someone then you make the effort, especially if you say you want to get to know the person better.

I hear my phone beep, announcing the inevitable text message. It said, I can't make it tonight, my dad is going into surgery...damn I feel like a bitch.

ASK:REPLY by Boymeetsboyblog.com; The Top 10 First Date Rules

This is the 1st in a series of ASK:REPLY videos. In this episode Boymeetsboyblog.com (BMBB.com) takes on the top 10 first date rules. Many have been wanting to know exactly what is alright to do on a first date, and what should one not do. I compiled a list of my own rules along with a few rules my friends and readers have came up with. Remember, always be YOURSELF, and in all matters of sex, always be safe!

Do you have any questions, or want to know more about dating, sex, lifestyle, relationships, or just want to say hi? Then send me an email over at boymeetsboy.blog@gmail.com or better yet send me a video!

An Official "Proper" Date: The Date, the Wine, the Best Friend

Post hook-up, semi-quasi first date, and two weeks later, there we are sitting in his car, listening to Depeche Mode filling up for gas. Little did he know my musical taste goes past the Britney Spears and Lady Gaga facade I put on. Note to self: Singing in the car is always fun, so have fun, it might make him smile and think you are some what normal.

We decided that we would go on an official "proper" date. He asked me out and said he would plan it. Yes people it is quite that easy! If you like a guy, ask him out, plan a day, a good ol' fashioned date. We drove down the winding PCH road leading from Huntington Beach over to Laguna Beach. Sorry, LC was not available for a shameless plug, oh wait her show is no longer on, along with her clothing line. I digress. We drove into the main part of Laguna Beach. The weather was beautiful, the sun was out, and Laguna Canyon Winery was closed. He had planned to do wine tasting, but unbeknownst to him the place we were looking for wasn't there, or so we thought. We drove down a bit more to the other location right across from the Laguna Beach Playhouse. There we found out that we just didn't look hard enough. We are men, gay men, we don't ask for directions. We have gaydar, we know EVERYTHING!

We did a wine tasting, chatted some more, asked the important questions. Do you like seafood? My answer, "I don't like any type of fish in my mouth." He learned that I love to read Jim Morrison's poetry, while sitting in the bath tub smoking a cigar. I learned he is family oriented, loves Burberry, and his favorite musical is Les Miserables. The date was going perfect. He is sincere, honest, and fun. After some wine tasting we headed over to get some food at a nice little restaurant with a picket white fence called The Cottage. It all seemed surreal, the last time I was treated out to such a day was with my ex. Most guys I have dated previously thought staying in to see a movie and fucking afterward was a first date. Of course, I also hooked up with the guy I am dating previously...nothing follows a plan.

Honestly the day could have been spent out at the beach all day with him and it would have been fine. Then the phone call...his friend, best friend, is out and about and wants to know if we all want to get together. My date asks me if I want to...before I know it YES is coming out of my mouth.

Ok, to some, meeting friends is not a big deal. To me, it is. Especially meeting the best friend. That alone means a lot. The best friend can make or break you. Meeting the friend after the first official date, on the same night, MAJOR! I once introduced a guy, I thought I was seeing seriously, to my friends right after my ltr not realizing the Facebook repercussions. I was taking it slow this time. But, he was comfortable with me meeting his best friend.

Off we went to meet him at one of the local bars in Orange County, Tin Lizzie Saloon. It is funny, because I am not shy. I talk a lot. I talk for a living. Well, I also lie for one, but that's a whole other story. As soon, as I met the friend I clammed up. For the sake of not sounding stupid I figured to keep my answers minimal but still filled with my character so he didn't think I was bland. Thank goodness the music was up a bit and Britney Spears was drowning me out...along with the Stella I was having. We all decided at some point to head out to Long Beach that night. I needed more drinks to loosen up, STAT.

Bar hopping we went and then to a sex shop. Isn't that how your dates go? Sitting at one of the bars, the best friend excuses himself, my date turns around, and says he likes you.

Relief. I explained to him that I felt I was being rude and that normally I am not shy. He understood how much importance I put on meeting the best friend. Thank goodness. I thought I was just a crazy gay man on his own, like always.

Best friends mean a lot. Especially to gay men. Best friends, or the circle of friends we make, become a family. I am not talking about the friend who leaves you in the middle of the club to randomly hook up and leave you without a ride. The friends I am talking about are the ones who are there for you when a family member passes away (even a canine family member), when you lose your job, when your relationship is coming to an end, when the guy you allowed to come into your life rips your heart out and leaves you helpless/hopeless without a way to love again.

No wonder I place so much importance on best friends and what they think.  They are looking after our best interests.

This is to all the best friends out there, most importantly my best friend Bryan. The sweetest gentle lion. My Eeyore.

Facebook, Myspace, Bed-Space; Finding the nook in his bed

After dating someone for a few weeks or in some cases a couple of days, he asks you to stay the night. It's perfect! You have had some great dates, thought provoking conversations, and some hot make-out sessions. The natural next step would be spending the night, right? I know what some of you are thinking; but you slept with him already. True, that doesn't mean having sex happens at night, only, or that I or you stay the night after having sex. My natural inclination is to not stay the night after having sex (breakfast the next day makes it too bf like). This has nothing to do with treating it like a hook-up, but his and my sleeping habits.

You can find anyone on Facebook and Myspace, but the hardest thing to find is that nook, that space where you are allowed to sleep in his bed. Not even Google Maps can tell you where to find that! He is use to tossing and turning, snoring, and sleeping with a Jets football shirt and matching bottoms on because he sweats during the night. Lets face it people, when you are asleep, your body DOES whatever it wants. YOU have no control of it. Some people sweat, others need pillows in between their knees, while others don't want to be touched at all.

One of my biggest reasons to not spending the night is finding the nook. Everyone has a spot in the bed they sleep on. Some people sleep on the left, others on the right, some people need the whole bed. If I do stay the night at someone's house I always ask where they sleep and what they like and don't like. Yes, I overanalyze everything! I just want to make sure that I am not being too cuddly, spooning the incorrect way, or me sleeping naked makes him feel uncomfortable. The first stay over should be perfect. I don't snore, I don't move...yeah sometimes I just don't sleep. The 4AM alarm goes off, as Ke$ha fills the dark silence, for him to get ready. I pop out of bed, look for my clothes, find my underwear on the other side, and make my way home for 2 whole hours of sleep.

What I have learned is to allow them, if it is their place, to control the situation. If he pulls you in closer to cuddle then go ahead. Put your arm around his chest, snuggle up right under his neck. When he decides to pull away, it's alright, maybe he is too hot. Or you are creating a pool of sweat on his side, and he thinks you are gross. That's usually when I turn around myself and sleep in fetal position. Of course, with in an hour I wake up to him humping my back side and my underwear missing. But, I digress.

Him: "So do you want to spend the night?" Me: "Sure! I love first dates!"

The First Date is Never Just a Walk in the Park

Warm Spring days and first dates, those are a few of my favorite things. The flowers are blooming in and around downtown; you can hear the birds chirping their songs to the lovers sitting in the park. Men round up! This is your chance to provide your girlfriend or boyfriend the best date ever.

Park’s are the best first date! You have to plan everything, from what to wear, which park to go to, and to what to eat. The Inland Empire has a lot of places to choose from, it just requires YOU, yes you, providing a little bit of the leg work in research. There is no need to worry. Here are a few ideas for you!

Casual Cool to Flirty and Fun: What to wear?

Men, here is your chance to amp up your style by using very little. There are a few items all men should have in their wardrobe, especially for a sunny, Spring day in the Inland Empire. A v-neck goes a long way, from playful hues of blue to your basic black and white. Pick these up anywhere you can, I recommend Urban Outfitters or American Apparel. They always have some great deals, especially when you buy in bulk.

Next up, is a fitted blazer. The great thing about owning this item is that you can wear it casually or as a formal piece. Roll up the sleeves, add a watch and you are set for that walk in the park. I always tell men they should at least have a blue and black blazer in their wardrobe. For Spring, mix it up, get a cool khaki or light grey.

For a sunny day in the IE, the best way to go with bottoms is a pair of shorts. Men, put away the cargos, those aren’t the shorts I am talking about. Find a nice pair of navy mid shorts, or to the knee. Go to your local H&M or Forever 21, take your best friend that is a girl or your bgf (best gay friend) and let them give you their honest opinion. Once you find the right pair of shorts, get a belt to go with it. Go for something casual and vintage, try a braided belt!

With all that walking and prancing around in the park, you need to make sure to have comfortable shoes. Boat shoes are great! Also try, moccasins. Both options provide different colors. It’s Spring, be bold, be daring! Remember to always go sockless with these types of shoes! A touch of baby powder in the sole will keep moisture out and your feet in great condition.

The place to park: Finding a good park

Finding a park can be more difficult than finding a parking spot in downtown Los Angeles. One, you don’t want there to be vagrants, as you are trying to woo your potential loved one. Two, you want to make sure there are a few other things to do, such as a walk around a lake, a small hike, a refreshing flower garden, or music wafting through the air as you lay on the grass eating sandwiches and drinking wine.

White Park: Located off of Magnolia Avenue, in Riverside is a great little park, with pathways, and a beautiful aromatic rose garden.

UCR Botanical Gardens: Beauty abounds with all the different local and exotic plants. Take a stroll through the beautiful foliage or take a seat and enjoy a nice chat with coffee in hand.

Fairmont Park: Located in downtown Riverside, enjoy a nice stroll by the pond or on certain days enjoy a live band over food and wine.

Ford Park: With two ponds and beautiful grassy hills, take a day in Redlands, and enjoy a nice lunch.

Sylvan Park: Across from the University of Redlands, you will find a beautiful spacious park. Filled with eating areas and gazebos for live music. Bring a guitar, have fun, and make it memorable.

Food for thought:

After your soon-to-be-loved one gushes over the thought you placed into every detail of this amazing date, you bring out the main course, food and wine! You don’t want to bring anything that may spoil, or not keep its delectable taste. Keep it simple, and make it fun! Here are few places you can pick up some tasty tidbits for you and your date.

Casey’s Cupcakes: Sweets for your sweetie. Stop here to get some amazing cupcakes! Found in the Mission Inn Center, Riverside.

Simple Simons: Also located in the Mission Inn Center, Riverside, stop here to get some delicious sandwiches, pastas, and salads. Perfect for a day in the park!

BevMo: Not Inland Empire specific, but a great wine selection. Get something crisp and refreshing. Ask if you’re not sure. They love talking about wines!

Now that you have everything covered from what to wear, to where to go, you just have to pick the date. Surprise them! Take the day off and pick them up. Better yet get on a bike, and hopefully they have one, and ride to the nearest park! Don’t forget the picnic basket, and enjoy the day in the sunny Inland Empire!

--boymeetsboyblog.com for Social Culture IE Magazine