Born What Way: Where was my Lady Gaga for the 80s and 90s?

-Express Yourself, don't repress yourself.

-Free Your Mind, and the rest will follow.

-Hear the younger generation ask, why do I feel this way, promise of a new day.

-A generation full of courage, come forth with me, are we looking for a better way of life.

If you haven't figured out where each of these lyrics have come from, then you are not a true child of pop culture, or the 80's and 90's. For those who are left in the dark, the answers respectively are Madonna, En Vogue, Paula Abdul, and Janet Jackson. These women opened a dialogue that transcended gender but ones that enveloped race along with it. Now we can argue left and right about who is more of a minority, I am women hear me roar, I am gay and proud, I am black and beautiful, call it what you want, we are all in one struggle. The struggle of equality!

At a very young age I was called a fag. It came from the least likely place one would suspect... family. My cousin felt it was necessary to point out at all times that I was different, that I acted like a girl, that I was more effeminate than masculine. Little did he know, calling me a fag meant nothing. Frankly put, I didn't know what it meant. I just knew it was bad.

Age 11, there I was watching television with my best friend. He spent the night on the weekends, we would play Nintendo, ride our bikes, and play with the local kids. The glowing of the television filled the room and then as we were chatting, the word GAY permeated the room. Newsflash, a priest had molested a child. That part I didn't think twice about. The part that infiltrated my brain was the word gay. Turning to my friend, I asked, "What does gay mean?" Was I prepared to take in this knowledge? Does he even know what I am talking about? His answer was simple, "It is when a guy likes a guy." Honest, simple, that easy... when a guy likes a guy. He proceeded to tell me that what my cousin calls me, fag, it is the same thing, but meaner. Yes, meaner.

Shame set in. Learning the definition of what I had been called for so many years, caused shame and disgust of myself to set in. The next few years kept me fascinated by the word gay. Even though I thought it was bad, I delved into the idea. I knew I was gay, but I dated girls.

Fast forward 2011, "I'm beautiful in my way, 'cause God makes no mistakes, I'm on the right track baby, I was born this way. Don't hide yourself in regret, Just love yourself, and you're set, I'm on the right track baby, I was born this way." Age 11, I didn't have Lady Gaga or any gay male role model to tell me don't have any shame in being who you are. If there were people, I wasn't exposed to them. Yeah, we had the songs aforementioned earlier, but they were geared towards women liberating their sexuality. I am not a woman. I had to forge my own path. Fight the struggles on my own, learn that being me is more than just fine.

Lets face it, this generation of youth has it easy. They have these role models, whether a commoditized pop figure or song, they have them. And, with all  the social media outlets, people can form a community of support. The 80's and 90's might have been a time of race relations and gender identities, but I believe that now, right now, we are at a culmination of events. We, as a community, have everything at our disposal, and we must use it to showcase ourselves as who we are. Normal human beings seeking equality for all. Maybe you and I didn't have a song to tell us all of this, but the point is that it is here, NOW. What will we do with it?

The First Date is Never Just a Walk in the Park

Warm Spring days and first dates, those are a few of my favorite things. The flowers are blooming in and around downtown; you can hear the birds chirping their songs to the lovers sitting in the park. Men round up! This is your chance to provide your girlfriend or boyfriend the best date ever.

Park’s are the best first date! You have to plan everything, from what to wear, which park to go to, and to what to eat. The Inland Empire has a lot of places to choose from, it just requires YOU, yes you, providing a little bit of the leg work in research. There is no need to worry. Here are a few ideas for you!

Casual Cool to Flirty and Fun: What to wear?

Men, here is your chance to amp up your style by using very little. There are a few items all men should have in their wardrobe, especially for a sunny, Spring day in the Inland Empire. A v-neck goes a long way, from playful hues of blue to your basic black and white. Pick these up anywhere you can, I recommend Urban Outfitters or American Apparel. They always have some great deals, especially when you buy in bulk.

Next up, is a fitted blazer. The great thing about owning this item is that you can wear it casually or as a formal piece. Roll up the sleeves, add a watch and you are set for that walk in the park. I always tell men they should at least have a blue and black blazer in their wardrobe. For Spring, mix it up, get a cool khaki or light grey.

For a sunny day in the IE, the best way to go with bottoms is a pair of shorts. Men, put away the cargos, those aren’t the shorts I am talking about. Find a nice pair of navy mid shorts, or to the knee. Go to your local H&M or Forever 21, take your best friend that is a girl or your bgf (best gay friend) and let them give you their honest opinion. Once you find the right pair of shorts, get a belt to go with it. Go for something casual and vintage, try a braided belt!

With all that walking and prancing around in the park, you need to make sure to have comfortable shoes. Boat shoes are great! Also try, moccasins. Both options provide different colors. It’s Spring, be bold, be daring! Remember to always go sockless with these types of shoes! A touch of baby powder in the sole will keep moisture out and your feet in great condition.

The place to park: Finding a good park

Finding a park can be more difficult than finding a parking spot in downtown Los Angeles. One, you don’t want there to be vagrants, as you are trying to woo your potential loved one. Two, you want to make sure there are a few other things to do, such as a walk around a lake, a small hike, a refreshing flower garden, or music wafting through the air as you lay on the grass eating sandwiches and drinking wine.

White Park: Located off of Magnolia Avenue, in Riverside is a great little park, with pathways, and a beautiful aromatic rose garden.

UCR Botanical Gardens: Beauty abounds with all the different local and exotic plants. Take a stroll through the beautiful foliage or take a seat and enjoy a nice chat with coffee in hand.

Fairmont Park: Located in downtown Riverside, enjoy a nice stroll by the pond or on certain days enjoy a live band over food and wine.

Ford Park: With two ponds and beautiful grassy hills, take a day in Redlands, and enjoy a nice lunch.

Sylvan Park: Across from the University of Redlands, you will find a beautiful spacious park. Filled with eating areas and gazebos for live music. Bring a guitar, have fun, and make it memorable.

Food for thought:

After your soon-to-be-loved one gushes over the thought you placed into every detail of this amazing date, you bring out the main course, food and wine! You don’t want to bring anything that may spoil, or not keep its delectable taste. Keep it simple, and make it fun! Here are few places you can pick up some tasty tidbits for you and your date.

Casey’s Cupcakes: Sweets for your sweetie. Stop here to get some amazing cupcakes! Found in the Mission Inn Center, Riverside.

Simple Simons: Also located in the Mission Inn Center, Riverside, stop here to get some delicious sandwiches, pastas, and salads. Perfect for a day in the park!

BevMo: Not Inland Empire specific, but a great wine selection. Get something crisp and refreshing. Ask if you’re not sure. They love talking about wines!

Now that you have everything covered from what to wear, to where to go, you just have to pick the date. Surprise them! Take the day off and pick them up. Better yet get on a bike, and hopefully they have one, and ride to the nearest park! Don’t forget the picnic basket, and enjoy the day in the sunny Inland Empire!

--boymeetsboyblog.com for Social Culture IE Magazine

the Tops and Bottoms of Dating: Part 8, Valentine's Day Edition

1. Find something cute to do for Valentine's Day. Maybe you two can pick a place and plan the day out. This way you both have fun and you learn a little bit more about each other.

2. You aren't obligated to say I love you on Valentine's Day. There are many card options out there! Get them an, I like you, card. Remember yellow roses are nice too, they mean friendship. Also try pink roses!

3. If it is early in the dating process, you don't HAVE to buy them a gift. Do it because you WANT to.

4. You don't have to spend Valentine's Day together, especially if your miles away from each other, make it a time when both of you have the day off together and can spend quality time together.

5. Surprises are ALWAYS good. If you figure out beforehand what the surprise is, then pretend to be surprised. Surprise!

6. Mixtapes are always a great gift. Especially if you sneak in a slow song. Plan it correctly, play it over dinner (that you cooked), and when it comes on, take his/her hand and slow dance in the living room.

7. It's alright if you aren't dating someone or have a significant other in your life on Valentine's Day. Make it a friends night. Love comes in different forms!

8. Don't buy a gift for him/her, but in reality it is for you. For example, lingerie, sex toys, etc. It shows no real thought to who the person is, it also shows that you shopped last minute. Put some effort into it!

9. If you want something for Valentine's Day and you are hinting, STOP! This isn't your birthday. Let them find something they think you will love. Plus, everytime you see it, it will remind you of them.

10. Everyday is Valentine's Day! You don't need a Hallmark made holiday to say I love you. Take every day to appreciate those in your life.

The Socialization of a Young Impressionable Gay Boy

This might not sound PC or even be in line with gender/queer theory today. Frankly, it doesn't matter. I was raised/socialized as a girl. Yeah, I said it. Now I don't mean I was born inter-sexed or my penis was chopped off in an accident while being monstrously circumcised (fyi, I'm not). Simply put, I was raised in what would be typified as women gender roles, from the 1950's, or just maybe within a Mexican cultural context.

Growing up, I was raised with the idea that I should fall in love, find a wife/husband (turned out to be the latter), have kids, and be happy. Be happy. Now there is a concept that is gender-fucked from the beginning in this story. My mom taught me that it is important to fall in love and find someone that would complete me. She wanted me to have the same type of relationship she and my father have...to this date. They have been married for almost 40 years. She taught me that through all the ups and downs, we have to make the best of it. We have to be strong and that everything can and will be worked out, in the name of love. Surprisingly, my mom never spent much time telling this to my older sister. It was always directed towards me. Maybe subconsciously I was being prepped for playing the girl part in the relationship. Unfortunately, there is no better way to describe it, and I don't mean it in a derogatory way towards women. Most of my role models in life are women. In a traditional Mexican cultural ideology, these would be deemed women's role in love, life, and family.

I remember most of my childhood clearly. I didn't fret over toys, especially cars, transformers, and video games. Most of my time was spent helping my mom. Momma's boy? Maybe. On weekends, I would wake up extra early so that I could start doing my chores. My chores were simple; I had to clean the house. That included dusting the tables and my mom's knick-knacks, vacuuming, and cleaning the bathrooms. I don't understand how my mom didn't realize I was different than most little boys. I thought it was normal to clean the house while listening to Mariah Carey's, Emotions, while pretending the Pledge can was my microphone. All in all I was in charge of doing mostly house chores, and my mom prized her home on the fact that her little boy kept it clean. Once again, most parents, especially in Mexican households, would force the men/boys to do yard work. Good thing I had a different family. A progressive one at that! I am not going to lie, my dad sometimes showed a hint of disturb in his eyes when he saw me dancing around cleaning. But he always let me be.

Families are microcosms where we learn the big rules and ideas of life, love, and family. Yes, that is a reoccurring theme for me. The way I was brought up to think of relationships greatly affected on what I seek in my present/future. In the early stages of my 9-year relationship I sought emotional security. Most people thought I was with my partner for financial stability and that he was my sugar daddy. That point is far from the truth. From my socialization through my family, I was seeking someone to nurture me and provide me with security.

Everything I had learned I was trying to put into practice in all my past relationships. I forgot who I was and what I wanted. Truth is, I never formulated those ideas for myself.

Now here I am, trying to tie-up loose ends in my dating life and relationships. I have learned a lot from my past and have grown to know that what I want is to be an equal in my relationship. Until then, I want to explore myself and who I am. My possibilities. I want to be able to provide for someone else...emotionally. That is why I say, have fun, enjoy life, live and learn! But always, always be SAFE!

Protect your penis...and protect your heart.