The Spell, The Boy, and The Man

Light the jasmine. Fill the air with smoke.
Aphrodite, Aphrodite,
Goddess of Love
and passion mighty.
Look down from above
and hear my prayer.
Grant me a love
so true and so fair.

Prick your finger. Smear the blood. Place the candle.
With blood and fire the magick begins,
Now pangs of desire burn from within.

Now Focus.
Beat for me now, o' mortal heart,
Dream of me in the moonlit night.
Come to me when the sun shines bright.
So mote it be.

...and like that I doomed my love/dating life.

Maybe the reason to why I could never find the guy I WANT is because I cast a spell when I was 15 years old, and I wasn't specific enough. I am talking, went all out á la The Craft style, gathered the herbs, the candles, the three adolescent girls who had a bad life and liked wearing black make-up so we can form a circle, go crazy, and then have no career afterwards...oh wait, that was the movie. Seriously, magick, ruined my dating life. That's my story and I am sticking to it.

I know what you are thinking...this guy is CRAZY. Yeah, you can go to a psychic get your palms read and the tarot, and find out who you will marry, how many kids you will have, and that they can clean your aura for $50 and break spells for $100. Well, it didn't happen that way.

There I was sitting in my room, conjuring up in my mind what I was looking for in a guy. He had to be taller than me, which wasn't hard, and he also had to have dark hair and light eyes. There is something about a guy who has dark brown hair or black with light colored eyes...they are mesmerizing, entrancing...fuck me eyes. I grabbed all the magazines I had at the time (the latest issue of Eres...the mexican gay guys know what I am talking about), perused through everyone of them, cutting up pictures of guys that would fit my description (all the while being careful not to pick celebrities...after all I had to be realistic.) How could this little boy in the middle of nowhere get a celebrity? Better yet, Ricky Martin wasn't even out. The only out male figures during my youth were George Michael and Elton John. And well, they just weren't my type...George Michael maybe, circa Wham!

I continued cutting pictures of men, while listening to Marilyn Manson's, Antichrist Superstar, never realizing I was fixated on the look of my guy. The images kept coming to my mind, replaying, shuffling...all the while I am caught in trance to Marilyn singing, Cryptorchid. The room was lit by candles, the incense was rising, I was spinning around. If someone was looking in, I swear it felt like a Stevie Nicks video. Minus the drugs and alcohol.

Fast forward to a couple of years later. I meet a guy. Tall, dark hair, handsome...minus the light colored eyes. Maybe I didn't concentrate on that part too much. But there he was, standing in front of me. He was older than me, as depicted in my pictures. Once again, completely forgetting that most of the men in the magazine were probably older, just looked young, thanks to Botox. Flesh and blood, a real man, what I had envisioned. Note to self: it also never occured to me, but most of the slew of guys I have dated have all been tall and dark, minus one. He was the exception to the rule. Alas, there he was, standing right in front of me. It never dawned on me that what I had put into motion would come to fruition two years later and would last for almost nine years. Yes people, this was my ltr...and as someone who was in a long term relationship, I can say that.

What a FREAK, you say. Hardly. Whether it was the spell or wasn't, it happened. The guy that came into my life to a T fit the physical descriptions I had given to the spell. We dated only for about a month before we made it official. I am talking, take down your profile from Gay.com and PlanetOut official. I mean going to pride, holding hands, making out, buying Pitcher/Catcher t-shirts, and making sure people knew we were together. Well, as he puts it, I forced him into a relationship one day before he was leaving to Texas to visit family. Go figure, a pushy relationship gay. The signs were all in place, I just never saw them.

He wasn't out. Boom!
He lived with a straight guy that he also had sex with. Wham!
He was a bottom. Pow!
He was sexually conservative. Ugh.
He could be an asshole. Sigh.
He was always right. But so am I.
Everything was an argument. Not a screaming argument...just an argumentative debate, where voices began to rise. And he was always RIGHT.
He had to prove you wrong. Always.

I spent so much time when I was younger falling in love with love. Writing about love. Outlining what my love life would be as I got older. I even magicked my lover into my life. As a youth who had barely come out, I was so fixated on the quality of beauty. What would he look like? How would he look like next to me as we entered a room? Will people talk behind our backs because we are so beautiful. Never once did it cross my mind that I had to think of his feelings, attitudes, etc. Those were second place, when they should have been first! Not once did they enter my mind or show a sign that maybe just maybe looks aren't everything. Sure, a hot body on top of me gets the job done, but beauty fades...WHAM! I was doomed.

I hear witches are back in again. Along with the 90's maybe this time I can do it right.

...sometimes I feel too much...

...sometimes something happens, and you end up feeling more than you should. I always feel too much. Truth is, I haven't felt this way in a long time...www.boymeetsboyblog.com

Romance, love, honor: The Gay Icon Classics of the World, book review

"Romantics are to gays, what Christians were to Roman's back in the day...something to feed to the lions" – Robert Joseph Greene

The Gay Icon Classics of the World brings to life a collection of stories from many different cultures and showcases the importance of the idea of romance, chivalry, and love between men. Expressing a love that transcends the physical, this collection of fables is determined to prove that gay men yearn to be something more than just lust-filled creatures., With a slight modernizing twist, and a careful selection of old tales, the author, Robert Joseph Greene accomplishes his task of giving a voice to the ancient concept of love and allowing it to speak to the modern gay man. The perfect love is in you, and love can be found in different ways. Robert Greene offers eleven different fables of love between men. Which one are you?

Greene’s choice of stories spans different times and different cultures, showing that love between men has transcended history. Though called by many names, the idea of love… true love, has always been present. In his much acclaimed story, “Bantu’s Song and the Soiled Loin Cloth,” the author recounts a story told to him from a fellow colleague about two African men out-casted for loving one another. Who knew that the song of love whistled between two lovers could be recounted so simply and yet so movingly? It’s impossible to ignore the emotion when Bantu steps forward to endure the pain of punishment that was going to be meted out to his lover in order to protect him from the scorn of the community. Bantu is a man so brave and chivalrous that it leaves the reader yearning for that same undying, romantic love.

On the other hand, in “The Three Wishes,” a story of two Mexican lovers, the idea of duty to family before love and keeping a dying woman’s promise transcends the physical sense of love. Spiritual love for one another is knowing that one’s soul mate will find his way back. Two men from different backgrounds are joined together when Santiago helps out an older woman, and is told that God has come to grant him a wish; but in order for the wish to be granted he must share it. In a world filled with imagery and culture, Greene brings to life a tale of two men destined to be with one another… in due time.

Sometimes love alone isn’t enough to quench the desire we seek most; to find a mate that understands who we are as a man, a person, and a lover. In Greene’s story, “The Journey and the Jewels,” the main character, Prince Asfar, discovers that seeking someone like him isn’t the solution to his desire. Two princes, both born of wealth and opportunity, both with the same desire for love, but very different in character, teach us, as well as the young prince, that the grass isn’t always greener on the other side. Sometimes prices must be paid and lessons learned in order to find that true love might be right in front of you.

Greene brings to light that even as classic as these tales are, the underlying note of fear for loving another man was present throughout time just as it is today. The need and search to love openly is in every story, and in every story love comes at the end of a struggle with oneself, religion, or community in a whimsical allusion that everything will be alright if one gives into love, and nothing else matters. Today, with the continued fight for gay rights and same-sex marriage, it turns out these tales are not far from the truth. These are stories of men fearing the ridicule of society for feeling how they feel for another man all the while trying to negotiate their own feelings and identity and discovering what is right for themselves.

The Gay Icon Classics of the World is a journey through a world not known to most gay men yet still remarkably relatable; a world filled with romance, chivalry, and lessons. As children we grow up reading tales, fables that show us how we should behave, what we should be, and what is right and wrong in society. It is a model for life, but who’s life? Robert Greene’s, The Gay Icon Classics of the World picks up where other fables have left off and allows a place for gay men to reorganize and reconstruct the notion of love. It is a telling of love stories that allows us to believe that love conquers all… even between two men.

To keep current with Robert Greene and Icon Empire Press follow these links...

Facebook | Icon Empire Press | Amazon 

Letters to the One I Loved

Dear so-called-Monster,

Truth is, you are not a monster. I demonized you in a way that put you out of my life because you broke my heart. At this point in life you think we would be use to heartache, almost numb to it. But that is neither here nor there, what's done is done, it is what it is.

In the short months that we knew each other, I believe we had a bond. The bond of music. We both could turn on the radio and it was ALWAYS our jam playing. We met at a bar, there I sat wearing my rust-colored leather jacket, waiting. You came up behind me said hello and gave me a hug. We sat in the back as you casually smoked your cigarette, discussing queer theories, and our passion for indie dance music. In the cool breeze of the evening you walked me to my car and we kissed. Kissing with passion, it could have been the alcohol consumed that made us do it, or the fact that we both love the band Crystal Castles and had been playing in the background. You looked at me and said, wow, I really like you. I want you to come back to my place but I really like you and don't want to ruin that. You had said the right words at the moment they needed to come out. It was perfect.

We began dating, amidst the fact that you were moving into a new place. You told me your fantasy and showed me the romantic side of you. All you wanted was a slow song to come on, a guy you like/love in the room, and a dance with him. The first night of your move, we took our guitars, a lamp, and your Macbook. We sat in the middle of your barren new apartment, armed with our musical inclinations. Earlier in the day I had made a CD. Like school kids we sat there listening to it, fidgeting with my guitar, you with your camera in hand. You asked me, so, what's the surprise? Don't worry, it's coming up, I responded. You couldn't wait any longer so I found myself skipping to the song. Truth is, I couldn't wait either. Slow, steady, the lyrics begin the chorus hits, kissing...kissing. As I am standing up from the floor, I reach over with my hand out and ask you to dance. As we slow danced in your soon to be living room, you whispered, this is boyfriend status.

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

Here I am, a year later. If we were together still...well you get the idea. Looking back I realized it's our love and passion for music that I miss. Remember the time, we both decided it should be an early Christmas? We were getting ready and you began playing Mariah Carey's, Jesus Oh What A Wonderful Child. At first I teased you and then you had me singing along with it. We would put the song on any chance we could, just so we could clap and act like fools. We loved Christmas and I am sure we separately still do.

A few days before Halloween we went on a candy spree over at the Rite-Aide across from your place. We were armed like little children in a candy store, literally. We wanted everything that had a calorie count that would give you a heart attack. Along with the apple pie you baked, from the apples we picked on one of our dates out in the mountains, we ate the candy corn and sweet apple pie. Our love for the holidays, it was a great friendship.

Remember the time I introduced you to Adele? The song you most loved was, Crazy For You. As you sang it, you sang it and looked at me. The smile on your face would always appear. The same smile you had when I watched you strum your guitar to the song, More than Words, and Blackbird. Your voice was soothing, rushing over me, giving me the same feeling I had when we first slept together...and that is Never Too Much.

Friendship can be tricky. Dating someone and then being friends afterwards is even trickier. You feel like you have to set up rules between each other. If you begin dating other people, is it alright to introduce each other? Does it matter? After all at some point, we have all slept or will sleep with each other. In a small city or even a large one, six degrees of separation dwindles down to one degree. I won't lie, I search for you when I go to the bar. Hoping to catch a glimpse of you and maybe being able to say, hello. Grab a beer together, chat about what we have been up to, how school is going for yourself, where I am at in my life. After all, we had a good friendship while we were dating, why can't our friendship continue through a small bump in the road?

People break up. Guys change their minds about what they want, and that wasn't your fault. You had the decency to communicate it. We thought we would remain friends, until I did something. I wrote about my heartache. That was a year ago, I was hurt...I didn't think I could be your friend. There were feelings still involved in my part. Looking back now, I realize it is our friendship I miss the most...How does one reach out? To make amends and become friends...once again.

The Truth about Honesty: Lights, Camera, Desist

Is honesty always the best policy? Especially if it involves hurting someone else and your relationship? My friend and I were chatting back and forth when he informed me about a discussion he heard on the radio. One of the callers had been cheating on her husband for the past 7 years. She could never bring herself to tell her husband of her infidelity, especially because her husband was dying. On his death bed, she held her strength and never whispered a word of her cheating on him, after all is it really right to tell someone who is dying, hey for the past 7 years I was unfaithful. She didn't want to hurt him in the last breaths of his life, no one would at that moment. Should she have said something earlier on in the relationship? If you have one indiscretion within the course of a relationship, should you fess up and tell the truth, or tell yourself it WILL never happen again and spare your partner's feelings from getting hurt?

The first case is obviously an extreme of what has happened when someone was cheating. We ALL expect the person we are with to be honest and tell the truth. We also hope they know us well enough to realize the repercussions of their actions. But how well do WE really know the people we are with? Are they being completely honest? It has been my experience that everyone has their own fine lines of what is wrong and right. As a social group of thinking human beings, we would hope that we, as a community, have reached a consensus of such ideas. The reality of it though, is that everyone will still ascribe to ideals that are correct for THEM. Isn't it survival of the fittest anyways?

As I was first coming out, I had come across a guy who was great. He was funny, witty, interesting, and loved photography and film. There was no real preparation for what was yet to come. We had hung out a few times. In my mind we were dating, becoming serious. Mr. Daryl shared his deepest thoughts and feelings with me. There was no topic left untouched. He was a recovering alcoholic who fell for the wrong guys at the wrong time. He lost his job and life from his previous breakup. But, there we were, sitting in his room, all of the sad stories aside, he began to kiss me. Before I knew it my clothes were off, and his 10" cock was coming at me. Rewind. Before this I have never seen another naked guy nor had sex with one. 

He knew that my sexual experience was null and void, so he said he would bottom. The Advocate did not tell me about what was to come. There was no article to clue me in to what was a top and what was a bottom. Gay.com was in the beginning stages, where was a young gay guy to turn?

After my first experience, he asked me to be his boyfriend. I said, YES! The first few weeks were my introduction to what it meant to be in a GAY relationship. We had sex almost every other day, and then went to In n' Out afterwards...and then it started. He ALWAYS wanted to go out and I couldn't. Why don't you want to go? I know you are cheating on me. I was sitting in class working on a project, drawing and lettering my hands away. YES I am cheating.

I didn't know better. He was calling me a cheater all the time. Frankly, the thought never crossed my mind until he pushed me to do it. It? Yes, after much provocation, I figured if he was going to accuse me then I might as well cheat. Yeah the guy was hot, the sex was amazing. But...it killed me to know that I had brought myself to do that. Honesty was and is always important to me.

It was Halloween night. We were all suppose to go out to Hollywood for the parade with a few friends. The limo was set. As his phone rang I could feel the honesty come up. It was intense. Hello, are you almost ready to head out, he asked. I answered, there is something we need to talk about before we go out. It came out, without a stutter or moment of hesitation, I cheated on you. Click.

When being honest someone always gets hurt, even if you don't say anything. The person you are hurting is yourself. Think it over, make a list, what are you going to lose from being honest? Is it all worth it? Was it worth it to do it in the begining? Will you do it again? Only YOU know that answer, because only you know yourself and your behavior. 

I never heard from him again. A week later I received a phone call from a mutual friend. I heard what happened to you and Mr. Daryl. I just wanted to let you know that he accused you of cheating the whole time you two were together, but the truth is he was the one cheating. What did you expect? That's what happens when you date a porn producer.

Breaking Up V4.0 ; The Impasse to Indifference

There we were, our skin touched by the soft incandescent light that came from the bedside lamp. As we laid there wrapped in each other's embrace, our bodies touching from head to toe, we were quietly lost in thought. And then..."What do you think about us? I feel like we are at an impasse in our relationship."

THUMP. We were at an impasse, and a decision had to be made.

We had been here before, the discussion of what is to come in the relationship. The first time was when he was leaving to visit family and we discussed the fact that there are a few things we both want and don't want in a long term relationship. After all, that was the goal of dating and having a relationship with the both of us. We both, at one time discussed family and the whole white picket fence scenario. Scary, I know. Growing up I knew that at some point I would want to settle down and have just that, a family. A family I could call my own. On the other hand, he never saw this in his future. We both knew it from the get go. Instead of just parting ways then and there, we both figured we were having fun with each other. We enjoyed spending time with each other; going on dates, hanging out at his house in the evenings. At the same time, we had both decided to take off the boyfriend status. Sadly, it only lasted a couple of weeks. At the time he asked, we both felt it was right, we were both caught in the moment.

We were both sitting down in his kitchen, gazing into each other's eyes. As he looked over to me, with his hazel eyes, he skirted around the question. Building it with the anticipation and me trying to draw out of him...do you want to be boyfriends?

But there we were, right before him going to see his family. Locked in his bedroom while his out of town guest was in the other room. We paced around, discussing the feelinga we both had after our own trip to Los Olivos, and right before becoming boyfriends. The idea of wanting a family and building something that one of us didn't want.

What was happening? We were prolonging the inevitable parting of ways.

Bottomline: I don't want it to just be TWO for the rest of my life.

We continued on after he came back from his trip. But things had changed. Things were said. A few days ago as I was prepping for some work and trying to get events organized. I went out to meet him and his friends. I figured we were going on a double date to dinner and a movie. This wasn't the case. There I was strolling down Main Street in Huntington Beach, dressed up, since I had gone right after work; Khakis and a striped shirt, dress shoes in tow. He signaled to me, "Well, we already started drinking, so you need to get on board." As for me, I wasn't looking to drink, I just wanted to relax, have a good meal, and watch a movie, as we had planned. As we began our ascent to one of the bars, I noticed there was another person there...it was now five of us. Automatically I felt my night had ended, and I was the 5th wheel. Plus, it didn't help that I was living in my head, struggling about issues going on at work.

Eating shabu shabu, I decided that I would just take off after dinner. My honesty vomit came up and said it, of course he was saddened. They began to round up their bikes and I began to say goodbye. He leaned in, gave me a strong hug, said, "I love you." We let go...I looked at him and said goodbye.

The impasse had become palpable, to the point where it was becoming visible to others...

We both had felt it coming, that day brought us to the realization that it just wasn't going to happen.

There I stood, sullen at the impasse to my indifference. I have known this feeling all too much.

BoymeetsBoyblog.com Project 1.0

Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards. --Søren Kierkegaard

Lately I have been on a kick of convincing you to find yourself and being who you are, be it if you are single, married, partnered, in an LTR, 3some, or you name it. If you want to lose weight, do it. If you want to overcome fears, tackle it. If you want to build the next Donald Trump empire, work it. We come to a point where we learn from our past and shed the proverbial former us. Remember what I said, stop living in the shadows of who you were! With that said, I have some homework I want all of YOU to do. Don't worry there will be no pop quiz at the end, no need to work for that "A," and nothing to really hand in.

I want you to make a wish board. Or better yet a SUCCESS board. Wishing entails that it might never come true, we want to visualize it WILL come true. Now there are two ways one can go about this. Let's start the old-fashioned way.

Items you will need:
-poster board (small, medium, large...you decide)
-old magazines
-scissors
-glue

Start out by skimming magazines, old newspapers, anything and everything. Look for pictures, words, sayings, signs, anything you want to bring into your life and future. It can be money, success, love, relationships, boyfriend, friends, etc. Don't think of the things you don't want or like, see the things you do want and like. You can fashion words using different letters á la creepy stalker from The Bodyguard. Remember think positive, don't use words that negate, it will do nothing for you.

When you feel that you have added everything you wanted and see yourself attaining, place the board in a place you will always see it. The best place is right by the front door. That way you are reminded of it every time you walk by the poster. You see it, you say it, you do it! Feel free to add more items as you go throughout the weeks, days, and hours. There is no stopping you.

So that is the old-fashioned way of doing it...I know what you are thinking. What's the new way? Duh, cut and paste on a computer. Today with technology readily available to all of us, after all you are reading my blog on a computer, you can add pictures simply by copying/pasting and cropping. You can use Word or if you have them, Photoshop and Illustrator. The fun part is you can create your images yourself and still visualize the same process.

What's even better about doing it on your computer is that you can save the image as your desktop wallpaper! We are constantly logged on to our computers, phones, and tablets. So why not take advantage of it!

Now you see, it wasn't too hard. It's an easy project that enables you to find YOU and to help in your success. After all true happiness begins with us, or I should say YOU. So take some time, put on your feel good music, and have fun!

**please note that the Vision Board is an old idea made popular by The Secret. The idea comes from old teachings from ancient civilizations who use to act out and paint their  hunts, wars, etc and see themselves winning their fights or events. They acted out their desired results for success.

Oh My Queer Stars; Sex, Love, and Horoscopes

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The ONE and lONeLY; Myth vs. Truth

The One. Soulmate. Kindred Spirit. Other Half. Twin Flame. Amicus Animae.

Can you imagine spending the rest of your life with the person you are with? Really, think about it. The age old question if we believe in the ONE. There is no right or wrong answer, the only answer there is, is the one you believe to be true. So answer honestly.

Throughout life some of us realize that we are fine and sometimes better off alone. Case in point my ex-partner. This was the constant part of our arguing. I could never understand how someone could or would want to be alone and be fine if they never found someone. Too much importance placed on a significant other, possibly? He would often tell me that if we split up he would be fine without me, and that he would continue his life as normal, even after 9 years. This might be where my own personal craziness comes in, but I could never understand how he could easily write me out of his life.

Simply put he has lived alone and without need of a significant other, so to him it was easy to pick up and continue life. I on the other hand would metaphorically die if I never found the ONE. Call me delusional, but I like to view it as traditional. Growing up, I always knew I would fall in love with someone, boy or girl (but mostly a boy), have a family, and spend the rest of my life with this one person and the life we had created together. Together as one. In it to win it. For better or worse.

One year ago, crash and burn. Our relationship ended.

Exactly where does this idea of the ONE come from? One story sticks out the most for me and it is the Ancient Greek tale of the creation of humans. Zeus had created men and women to have two of everything, two sets of arms, two sets of legs, and their heads had two faces. These bodies were strong and could conquer anything together. They would move around by circling around and using their hands. Together these beings decided to scale Mount Olympus and take over the Gods. The same Gods that had created them. Zeus could not understand why these people he created wanted to fight them, so in order to control them he decided, with the help of Apollo, that he would split them and create two separate people out of their bodies. For Zeus knew that joined together these beings were unstoppable. They were strong and capable of conquering everything.

Once split, these bodies were running around searching for their other halves. If they were able to find them they would embrace and try to fuse together again. Unfortunately, they were not able to do so. Instead, they would live in despair and begin to starve to death in sorrow.

Union as we can see has always been an important concept to human beings. We find it in many forms; through close friendships and kinships made with other people. As I mentioned before as gay men/individuals we are allotted the chance to create family as we see fit. We can reformulate the idea of partner. If this wasn't so, we wouldn't write so much about love. There wouldn't be gods and goddesses, myth stories, love poets, etc., devoted to the idea of union, and one love. To deny it would be ridiculous. To believe the myth and bring it to fruition is another story.

The truth of the matter is, you can forget everything I just said and hash it out as myth, because the only thing that ever really matters is what you FEEL. Whether it be the one for now, the one forever, or the one for later...it's about your TRUTH.

The Annualized Acroamatic Narcissistic Recriminations...of a Gay Boy

Happy Birthday to me! I just want to say thank you to all my friends, family, and loved ones for their love and support. Also, to my readers and fellow bloggers, vloggers, and podcasters...together we will run the gay blog-osphere! Thank you all for your continued support. Keep doing what you are doing.

Remember, STOP living in the shadows of who you were. Be who you are TODAY and let it guide you into the future.

Men in the Kitchen: The Recipe for a Relationship, and Making it Work

Men, it's time to hit the kitchen! Gear up, grab your spatulas, measuring cups, whisks, and get ready to whip those eggs. Dating might be hard, but what about creating a relationship and making it work?

Ingredients necessary:
3 cups of dating
2 hearts in love
1 cup of honesty
3/4 cups of trust (add as necessary)
2 cups of open communication
a dash of sexual chemistry

**this recipe serves two people.

Preheat that dating oven to 400°F and get ready to mix.

1. Prepare the relationship by adding 3 cups of dating. Dating is very important because it allows the two people to get to know each other. They can share their mutual interests and get to know each other's bottom lines. You can add more or less of this ingredient as you may need. There is no set rule letting you know how much is necessary to make the perfect relationship, only YOU know that. Don't let others govern how you choose to do it.

2. Next, add a dash of sexual chemistry. Give it that spice you need! Lets face it, you have to be sexually attracted to the person or else all you really have is a platonic friendship. Spend some time having wild passionate sex, or have some sexy rendezvous. Sexual chemistry comes in different ways, such as, erotic massages, dirty talk, skype-sexing, use that imagination! Either way, if he doesn't make your blood flow then sexual chemistry isn't there.

3. After having endless nights of passionate sex, conversation over wine, and meeting his family and friends, it is time to add 1 cup of honesty and 3/4 cups of trust. By this time you two have really come to know each other. You both have developed trust and honesty for each other and what you want.  Trust is one of those rare ingredients to obtain. It isn't available at your local Trader Joes. If you really want it then you should be honest to yourself and him. Don't hide something that you know will rear it's ugly head later on in the relationship. Deal with it NOW. If you are able to find trust and honesty your relationship is on it's way to rising.

4. Once trust and honesty have been added it is time to add 2 cups of open communication. Add slowly and listen. Listening is a must. There are too many times that all we do is hear, but really pay attention and listen to what the other person has to say. You both have established that you like each other and that you are mutually interested in each other. Both of you have learned that you can talk to each other about anything.

5. Let the relationship rise and set in. You have talked, listened, gone on dates that have allowed you two to become closer than ever and trust each other. By this time you two have a lot on your mind.

6. Once the relationship has risen, you two can now add the 2 hearts in love. Love, is that other word used after like. After trust, love is the next hard ingredient to obtain. We say it to our family members, but to give it to someone else, who isn't blood related, is something that develops. It comes from the two people allowing themselves to open up the idea that this is REAL. There is a connection that reaches beyond friendship.

7. Now that you have established love, it is time to bake your relationship for 30 minutes. Make sure to check on it as necessary. Keep it alive, make it fun, be spontaneous and adventurous.

Bing! It is done! Take that relationship out of the oven and enjoy! Relationship is always best served warm.

An Official "Proper" Date: The Date, the Wine, the Best Friend

Post hook-up, semi-quasi first date, and two weeks later, there we are sitting in his car, listening to Depeche Mode filling up for gas. Little did he know my musical taste goes past the Britney Spears and Lady Gaga facade I put on. Note to self: Singing in the car is always fun, so have fun, it might make him smile and think you are some what normal.

We decided that we would go on an official "proper" date. He asked me out and said he would plan it. Yes people it is quite that easy! If you like a guy, ask him out, plan a day, a good ol' fashioned date. We drove down the winding PCH road leading from Huntington Beach over to Laguna Beach. Sorry, LC was not available for a shameless plug, oh wait her show is no longer on, along with her clothing line. I digress. We drove into the main part of Laguna Beach. The weather was beautiful, the sun was out, and Laguna Canyon Winery was closed. He had planned to do wine tasting, but unbeknownst to him the place we were looking for wasn't there, or so we thought. We drove down a bit more to the other location right across from the Laguna Beach Playhouse. There we found out that we just didn't look hard enough. We are men, gay men, we don't ask for directions. We have gaydar, we know EVERYTHING!

We did a wine tasting, chatted some more, asked the important questions. Do you like seafood? My answer, "I don't like any type of fish in my mouth." He learned that I love to read Jim Morrison's poetry, while sitting in the bath tub smoking a cigar. I learned he is family oriented, loves Burberry, and his favorite musical is Les Miserables. The date was going perfect. He is sincere, honest, and fun. After some wine tasting we headed over to get some food at a nice little restaurant with a picket white fence called The Cottage. It all seemed surreal, the last time I was treated out to such a day was with my ex. Most guys I have dated previously thought staying in to see a movie and fucking afterward was a first date. Of course, I also hooked up with the guy I am dating previously...nothing follows a plan.

Honestly the day could have been spent out at the beach all day with him and it would have been fine. Then the phone call...his friend, best friend, is out and about and wants to know if we all want to get together. My date asks me if I want to...before I know it YES is coming out of my mouth.

Ok, to some, meeting friends is not a big deal. To me, it is. Especially meeting the best friend. That alone means a lot. The best friend can make or break you. Meeting the friend after the first official date, on the same night, MAJOR! I once introduced a guy, I thought I was seeing seriously, to my friends right after my ltr not realizing the Facebook repercussions. I was taking it slow this time. But, he was comfortable with me meeting his best friend.

Off we went to meet him at one of the local bars in Orange County, Tin Lizzie Saloon. It is funny, because I am not shy. I talk a lot. I talk for a living. Well, I also lie for one, but that's a whole other story. As soon, as I met the friend I clammed up. For the sake of not sounding stupid I figured to keep my answers minimal but still filled with my character so he didn't think I was bland. Thank goodness the music was up a bit and Britney Spears was drowning me out...along with the Stella I was having. We all decided at some point to head out to Long Beach that night. I needed more drinks to loosen up, STAT.

Bar hopping we went and then to a sex shop. Isn't that how your dates go? Sitting at one of the bars, the best friend excuses himself, my date turns around, and says he likes you.

Relief. I explained to him that I felt I was being rude and that normally I am not shy. He understood how much importance I put on meeting the best friend. Thank goodness. I thought I was just a crazy gay man on his own, like always.

Best friends mean a lot. Especially to gay men. Best friends, or the circle of friends we make, become a family. I am not talking about the friend who leaves you in the middle of the club to randomly hook up and leave you without a ride. The friends I am talking about are the ones who are there for you when a family member passes away (even a canine family member), when you lose your job, when your relationship is coming to an end, when the guy you allowed to come into your life rips your heart out and leaves you helpless/hopeless without a way to love again.

No wonder I place so much importance on best friends and what they think.  They are looking after our best interests.

This is to all the best friends out there, most importantly my best friend Bryan. The sweetest gentle lion. My Eeyore.

Round 1: The Men vs. the boys

Ageism. One word, one community consumed with youth and beauty. Who you like to date is obviously a preference; but how much of it is formulated by our own community and group of friends? I like to date older guys, of course that can mean many things. The oldest I have gone was 14 years older than me, and that was the previous 9-year relationship. Contrary to everyone's beliefs and assumed assumptions of why younger guys date older men, this was not a sugar daddy relationship. I repeat, this was NOT a sugar daddy relationship.

We met online, fell in love, moved in together. His personality is what drove me to him. Some people might say that I haven't dated enough guys my own age or younger to see the potential in them. Wrong. Ok, don't get me wrong, maybe he is out there, if he is, well I haven't met him. If he is reading this, you know how to reach me! This is where we begin to separate the men from the boys. People ask if there is a difference between dating Men and just guys/lower-case men/boys. Yes!

Men don't hide their true feelings. If they like you, they say it. They don't change their mind months down the road and then leave you. They don't say I love you if they don't mean it. Currently, I am dating someone who is 40 years old. A few days ago he told me that he enjoys spending time with me and that he really likes me. He shows it. He says it. There is no pretense. After he said that, I told him, it is refreshing and nice to hear someone say that.

The boys well say yeah I like you. They make you work for it. To them it is something that has to be proven, earned, and then tried on for size. Hun, this isn't Nordstroms, where you can return my used love/like/fuck. They tell it to you, but you hear from them very randomly. A text comes through, hi how are you? Nothing else. One worded, short, leaving you confused and wondering if they meant it.

Men don't pressure you or give you a hard time because you don't want to have sex/fuck. There you are after dinner and drinks, beautiful conversation, likes and dislikes, and he takes you home. Sitting on the couch having a glass of wine talking some more, his hands glide over your Burberry polo, down your Diesel jeans. Sure, you get a rise, but you know you don't want to have sex. You say not right now. He says, "That's fine, besides I can stay here all night cuddling and talking and getting to know you." Perfect!

Boys meet you at a bar, get you a little tipsy like a Ke$ha video, and say come back to my place. Ok, yes I can say no. And I do, then they say, don't worry we don't have to have sex. We can watch a movie, unwind, talk more, and cuddle. Perfect. Wrong...one minute in and his hand is moving down your Ginch Gonch barely there underwear, and he whispers let me fuck you. You say no (well I do, sometimes, circumstantially) and he continues to tell you that you will love it. When a guy says no, he means no.

Men will call you. They want to converse.

Boys will text you. They want to choose when to answer you back.

Like the seasons, people can change, grow, or sometimes become immature. The verdict is still out to figure out who will win...we shall see. The Men vs. the boys, Round 1 is up.

Facebook, Myspace, Bed-Space; Finding the nook in his bed

After dating someone for a few weeks or in some cases a couple of days, he asks you to stay the night. It's perfect! You have had some great dates, thought provoking conversations, and some hot make-out sessions. The natural next step would be spending the night, right? I know what some of you are thinking; but you slept with him already. True, that doesn't mean having sex happens at night, only, or that I or you stay the night after having sex. My natural inclination is to not stay the night after having sex (breakfast the next day makes it too bf like). This has nothing to do with treating it like a hook-up, but his and my sleeping habits.

You can find anyone on Facebook and Myspace, but the hardest thing to find is that nook, that space where you are allowed to sleep in his bed. Not even Google Maps can tell you where to find that! He is use to tossing and turning, snoring, and sleeping with a Jets football shirt and matching bottoms on because he sweats during the night. Lets face it people, when you are asleep, your body DOES whatever it wants. YOU have no control of it. Some people sweat, others need pillows in between their knees, while others don't want to be touched at all.

One of my biggest reasons to not spending the night is finding the nook. Everyone has a spot in the bed they sleep on. Some people sleep on the left, others on the right, some people need the whole bed. If I do stay the night at someone's house I always ask where they sleep and what they like and don't like. Yes, I overanalyze everything! I just want to make sure that I am not being too cuddly, spooning the incorrect way, or me sleeping naked makes him feel uncomfortable. The first stay over should be perfect. I don't snore, I don't move...yeah sometimes I just don't sleep. The 4AM alarm goes off, as Ke$ha fills the dark silence, for him to get ready. I pop out of bed, look for my clothes, find my underwear on the other side, and make my way home for 2 whole hours of sleep.

What I have learned is to allow them, if it is their place, to control the situation. If he pulls you in closer to cuddle then go ahead. Put your arm around his chest, snuggle up right under his neck. When he decides to pull away, it's alright, maybe he is too hot. Or you are creating a pool of sweat on his side, and he thinks you are gross. That's usually when I turn around myself and sleep in fetal position. Of course, with in an hour I wake up to him humping my back side and my underwear missing. But, I digress.

Him: "So do you want to spend the night?" Me: "Sure! I love first dates!"

The First Date is Never Just a Walk in the Park

Warm Spring days and first dates, those are a few of my favorite things. The flowers are blooming in and around downtown; you can hear the birds chirping their songs to the lovers sitting in the park. Men round up! This is your chance to provide your girlfriend or boyfriend the best date ever.

Park’s are the best first date! You have to plan everything, from what to wear, which park to go to, and to what to eat. The Inland Empire has a lot of places to choose from, it just requires YOU, yes you, providing a little bit of the leg work in research. There is no need to worry. Here are a few ideas for you!

Casual Cool to Flirty and Fun: What to wear?

Men, here is your chance to amp up your style by using very little. There are a few items all men should have in their wardrobe, especially for a sunny, Spring day in the Inland Empire. A v-neck goes a long way, from playful hues of blue to your basic black and white. Pick these up anywhere you can, I recommend Urban Outfitters or American Apparel. They always have some great deals, especially when you buy in bulk.

Next up, is a fitted blazer. The great thing about owning this item is that you can wear it casually or as a formal piece. Roll up the sleeves, add a watch and you are set for that walk in the park. I always tell men they should at least have a blue and black blazer in their wardrobe. For Spring, mix it up, get a cool khaki or light grey.

For a sunny day in the IE, the best way to go with bottoms is a pair of shorts. Men, put away the cargos, those aren’t the shorts I am talking about. Find a nice pair of navy mid shorts, or to the knee. Go to your local H&M or Forever 21, take your best friend that is a girl or your bgf (best gay friend) and let them give you their honest opinion. Once you find the right pair of shorts, get a belt to go with it. Go for something casual and vintage, try a braided belt!

With all that walking and prancing around in the park, you need to make sure to have comfortable shoes. Boat shoes are great! Also try, moccasins. Both options provide different colors. It’s Spring, be bold, be daring! Remember to always go sockless with these types of shoes! A touch of baby powder in the sole will keep moisture out and your feet in great condition.

The place to park: Finding a good park

Finding a park can be more difficult than finding a parking spot in downtown Los Angeles. One, you don’t want there to be vagrants, as you are trying to woo your potential loved one. Two, you want to make sure there are a few other things to do, such as a walk around a lake, a small hike, a refreshing flower garden, or music wafting through the air as you lay on the grass eating sandwiches and drinking wine.

White Park: Located off of Magnolia Avenue, in Riverside is a great little park, with pathways, and a beautiful aromatic rose garden.

UCR Botanical Gardens: Beauty abounds with all the different local and exotic plants. Take a stroll through the beautiful foliage or take a seat and enjoy a nice chat with coffee in hand.

Fairmont Park: Located in downtown Riverside, enjoy a nice stroll by the pond or on certain days enjoy a live band over food and wine.

Ford Park: With two ponds and beautiful grassy hills, take a day in Redlands, and enjoy a nice lunch.

Sylvan Park: Across from the University of Redlands, you will find a beautiful spacious park. Filled with eating areas and gazebos for live music. Bring a guitar, have fun, and make it memorable.

Food for thought:

After your soon-to-be-loved one gushes over the thought you placed into every detail of this amazing date, you bring out the main course, food and wine! You don’t want to bring anything that may spoil, or not keep its delectable taste. Keep it simple, and make it fun! Here are few places you can pick up some tasty tidbits for you and your date.

Casey’s Cupcakes: Sweets for your sweetie. Stop here to get some amazing cupcakes! Found in the Mission Inn Center, Riverside.

Simple Simons: Also located in the Mission Inn Center, Riverside, stop here to get some delicious sandwiches, pastas, and salads. Perfect for a day in the park!

BevMo: Not Inland Empire specific, but a great wine selection. Get something crisp and refreshing. Ask if you’re not sure. They love talking about wines!

Now that you have everything covered from what to wear, to where to go, you just have to pick the date. Surprise them! Take the day off and pick them up. Better yet get on a bike, and hopefully they have one, and ride to the nearest park! Don’t forget the picnic basket, and enjoy the day in the sunny Inland Empire!

--boymeetsboyblog.com for Social Culture IE Magazine

The Calculus of Love: Giving Up Your Heart Is Never Easy

There wasn't a love note written, no pigeon to carry this message, no mix-tape to prepare me. What was about to happen was unwritten and I was left to copy and paste what I had in my mind and place it in my mouth.

If there is one thing learned from my past relationships it is that when I love, I love with every ounce of my being. It is intense, emotional; I get wound up in the person in a tizzy. The every day world that revolves around me seizes. This time around, that was the case for him, but not for me. The difficult thing for me at the moment, is that I feel nothing. Instead the feelings are stuck in my head, trying to come out, trying to be felt and heard by my body. There is this inherent feeling that I am the asshole, the señor of all douche-ry. Ex-boyfriend monster (which you are not), who was confused and I was left broken-hearted, I now understand.

I made a decision to stop seeing someone recently. Never to tread lightly on any answer, everything must be methodically thought out. Every thing planned and timed. The right words have to be used and a mutual respect for both people in the party must be present. In the end, after everything was said and done, the hurt crept in. I tried to make myself feel what I had said, because I meant it. But it seemed as if there was just more confusion, inside of myself. The emotions weren't stirring. They simply just weren't there.

He is a funny guy, has an optimistic view on life. Everyday to him is a fun day. It was through him that my flaws were pointed out. My pessimistic view was left laying there in front of me, a platter served up cold, that I didn't even want to eat. I sucked the fun out of the mundane. What was coming out of him, to describe me, was the person I never wanted to become.

Every move that was made in that relationship was calculated by me. The calculus of love. The thing we had, together, was not allowed to grow naturally. Lesson learned, maybe. Emotionally retarded, yes I am.

In dating someone we should always be honest. Honest to them, but most importantly honest to ourselves. At the same time we should allow ourselves to open up to new ideas, new possibilities of seeing the world and a relationship. Learn to love Disneyland. It's alright to be light-hearted. Stop being cynical, have fun! In the end, you might find the real you.

Love 1.0.3: The Aftershock of a Break-Up

They say that breaking up is hard to do

Now I know, I know that it's true

Don't say that this is the end

Instead of breaking up I wish that we were making up again--Neil Sedaka

Bubblegum pop, love notes, and rainbows, the good ol' days of love and relationships. But, what about the aftershock from the break up? That ripple effect that extends beyond you and your ex. Breaking up touches many people around you, especially if it was a long relationship, such as family, friends, and in some cases the dry cleaner.

Speaking as a man who was in a long term relationship of 9 years, I knew that breaking up with my partner would affect many people in both our lives. First, there are our mutual friends. Everyone involved wanted to be fair to both of us. They all spoke about not choosing sides. We never asked them to either. The awkwardness was obvious though, especially when I had met someone. There are no rules, there is no right or wrong. The only answer to how to treat this situation was with mutual respect. So we all did. 

It took almost 2 months to let my family know that my partner and I had split up. It was a hard and difficult decision because my family loves my ex. To this date, he is still a part of the family. When I finally decided to tell my mom, she was heart broken and told me to think it over. Ever the optimist that my mom is, everything IS fixable. After much coaxing and reassuring her that I would be fine, she accepted it. Not willingly, of course. She made sure for me to tell him, that he MUST attend every family activity, because he is one of us. You have to love Mexican families, they adopt people left and right. I think to this date my mom has ulterior motives.

I knew that he, my ex, would still be a part of the family. I couldn't deny that to my family members, the young ones especially, who grew up calling him uncle. The one day, he didn't come to an event, everyone was surprised and to be honest, devastated. My nephews were calling out for their uncle. My mom was sad that he didn't show and bring food or wine, as was his custom. They were all affected. The only thought that ran through my head was if someone did come into my life, and at the time there was, how would I bring him in? My family had already decided that my ex was a part of the family, how could an outsider compete? Often, that was the question.

Months later, after the break up and when the air had cleared and settled, my ex was back to attending family birthdays, weddings, quinceañeras, you name it, he was there. I was back to picking up his dry cleaning, because after all I am a good friend. As I hand over the check to the nice asian lady, whose bangs are always misplaced on her forehead because of the warm environment, she states "I no see you in a long time." Me: "Oh hun, where do I begin?"

Boymeetsboyblog.com: MixTape Edition, Post-Valentine's Day

With rainy days around the corner for this week all I want to do is curl up, stay warm, and watch some ol' sappy movies. Contrary to belief, I am a BIG romantic. I love everything sappy. If only everything did happen as they do in the movies. There I am wearing a huge southern dress made from my curtains, and there he is wearing a tailored suit, with his dark black hair slicked back, rushing towards me. OK! Maybe that is too dramatic, and I would never wear a dress! But you get the picture. I feel that everyone should have a playlist for these type of days. So I created one using some of my favorite songs and I want to share them with you! What do you like to do on rainy days?




Create a playlist at MixPod.com

the Tops and Bottoms of Dating: Part 8, Valentine's Day Edition

1. Find something cute to do for Valentine's Day. Maybe you two can pick a place and plan the day out. This way you both have fun and you learn a little bit more about each other.

2. You aren't obligated to say I love you on Valentine's Day. There are many card options out there! Get them an, I like you, card. Remember yellow roses are nice too, they mean friendship. Also try pink roses!

3. If it is early in the dating process, you don't HAVE to buy them a gift. Do it because you WANT to.

4. You don't have to spend Valentine's Day together, especially if your miles away from each other, make it a time when both of you have the day off together and can spend quality time together.

5. Surprises are ALWAYS good. If you figure out beforehand what the surprise is, then pretend to be surprised. Surprise!

6. Mixtapes are always a great gift. Especially if you sneak in a slow song. Plan it correctly, play it over dinner (that you cooked), and when it comes on, take his/her hand and slow dance in the living room.

7. It's alright if you aren't dating someone or have a significant other in your life on Valentine's Day. Make it a friends night. Love comes in different forms!

8. Don't buy a gift for him/her, but in reality it is for you. For example, lingerie, sex toys, etc. It shows no real thought to who the person is, it also shows that you shopped last minute. Put some effort into it!

9. If you want something for Valentine's Day and you are hinting, STOP! This isn't your birthday. Let them find something they think you will love. Plus, everytime you see it, it will remind you of them.

10. Everyday is Valentine's Day! You don't need a Hallmark made holiday to say I love you. Take every day to appreciate those in your life.

I Do or I Don't: The Same-Sex Marriage Debate

There we were, standing in the middle of a crowd at night, but it felt like it was just the two of us. He held me close from behind as we watched the fireworks sparkle across the sky...I held my breath, anticipating the big boom. As the show came to its height, when all the fireworks climax, released to show their splendor, there he takes my hand, and slides a silver band with four diamonds. Breath released.

He didn't get on one knee, he didn't have to. He didn't ask will you marry me. He didn't need to. With our eyes, we both mutually agreed that we wanted to be together...partnered...married.

Since then, marriage has been one of the most heated debate in news, everyday lives, and the U.S. Should two people of the same sex be allowed to marry? Allowed...what a bunch of bull shit! We are human, last time I checked marriage is between two people who care about themselves and are trying to protect what they have together. Allowed...when did I ask permission?

Now I understand my blog is about dating, and some people may think that I am a lost individual in need of some desperate help. That is neither here nor there. I still believe if two people want to be married they should.

What I question is the reason to why I want to do it. To me, marriage is a spiritual bonding along with the piece of paper that says my partner and I are entitled to the very same rights my heterosexual counterparts have. Spiritual, yes!

I am not saying that the Church/Doctrine/Pope/religion has to sanctify what I have, to me it is much more than that. It is a ceremony to me...I remind you I grew up Catholic. In these days that can also mean nothing. I grew up in a very liberal Catholic home where I was raised by two lesbian "aunts" for a good portion of my prepubescent life. But, I still hold to the idea that a marriage is a spiritual tie and bonding and sometimes you want to share that with your family, friends, loved ones, and if you believe in so...a higher power.

But then again, the fight for marriage isn't about that, it's about rights. The right to see my partner in the hospital if something was to happen. The right to 50/50 separation of the assets. The right to the same tax breaks. The legitimate right to file as a couple. (Don't worry, I am not running away from the couple or boyfriend idea).

With my ex-boyfriend/partner I always felt we had those rights. Or, so I thought. I never once had to deal with negativity or backlash for our relationship. I remember once he had to be admitted because he was dehydrated and a week had passed, and he almost collapsed. I rushed him to the ER and the nurse took him to the back to situate him, then came out and said for me to come to the back to be with him.

Filing taxes together was also never an option, not because we couldn't, because we could, but it would affect my status as a school student. He apparently made too much money.

To me a marriage always fell into the spiritual side, only slightly buttered with the legislative/judicial rulings of rights. Conflict arises within me because of this conundrum. In one point, I feel like I am betraying my community (word used loosely) and what it is fighting for, while on the other hand I feel like I should continue to design what I believe is right for myself. I know that no matter what, marriage to me will never be simply a piece of paper legitimizing what I have with someone; what I want is on a different level, that doesn't have to be legislated.