...sometimes I feel too much...

...sometimes something happens, and you end up feeling more than you should. I always feel too much. Truth is, I haven't felt this way in a long time...www.boymeetsboyblog.com

I Kant with the Mexican

Wait! Stop! Before you call me a racist, I am Mexican. OK, let us proceed. After a few weeks of chatting online with this guy, we decided lets meet up over at the local Starbucks, because lets face it, in these technologically advanced days anyone [gay guys] can doctor up a picture and profile. After all, don't you know ALL gay men have taken the Photoshop course on how to look flawless in 3 easy steps: blend tool, green filter, crop...oh and save. Starbucks seemed the logical choice, it's in public with other guys perusing Grindr, and we all believe in having something in our hands to keep them busy and not look awkward, insert your own Freudian theory here.

I keep it simple, no frills when it comes to my drink; passion iced tea lemonade, as it is, the calories in one is more than I need. As the barista asks my name, I wave over to the guy I met up with, and asked what he wanted. He refused to order. There we were in front of the barista waving back and forth, come on just order, I got it. He kept on refusing...great already fighting in front of my local barista. Fine, you can buy your own. Stepping up to the counter he orders his drink, Capn' Crunch...and I give a face. Not on purpose, it just came over as I thought, the calories, the sugar content, how much gay boy fitness I would have to put in to just have a sip. The marriage/one night stand I had built up in my mind was OVER.

As we walked around for a bit, the feeling to dig deeper to why he wouldn't let me buy him a $4 drink, came over me...so I asked.

Turns out the reason was simple, he doesn't like people buying him anything. He likes to be the one buying the things for the other person. Understandable, but at some point people have to let go of that idea and allow themselves the opportunity or idea that someone else might pick up the tab. People often say the person who invites should pay...I don't believe in that...too much. Unless he invites you to a very expensive restaurant, knowing that you probably can't afford it, but he wants to take you out, then it's all on him. Of course, I probably would have brought up a different restaurant where maybe I would be comfortable picking up my own tab. I think if someone wants to split the meal, then by all means do so.

Wait. Stop. Then I am no different than the guy that didn't want me to buy his drink.

That's what I thought at first, and then the Mexican stereotype dropped. I think I do it because it's the Mexican in me, to provide and take care of someone. Oh, that guy. Wait, there is more...I don't want to feel like I owe someone something or that they owe me.

This isn't the first time I have encountered this, both times from Mexican guys. Have we reached a point in the world or is there some unwritten code in the universe [or holy book of Gay], that I am not aware of, that buying someone something means you owe them something in return? I can't imagine all gay men think that if another man extends his hand out to help or buy him something he wants something back in return, and preferably in a sexual favor. Or is trying to tell the other person, look you can't do it on your own, and it's alright, that's why I [daddy] am here to help. Hold on to your seats because we are about to get philosophical and visit the world of Kant [insert slight giggle here].

Immanuel Kant described the Practical Imperative as an act to treat humanity, whether yourself or another, as an end-in-itself, and never as a means (please read with pinky out and nose tilted up). In other words one should never do something for another person as to attain some pleasure or means out of it. Either way I write it, I am sure you are reading this with sexual explicits. Let us continue. The Practical Imperative states don't use people in order to obtain your goals or seek an edge or unfair advantage.

This means that no satisfaction [control your giggle...now] must begot from the act. The minute that one feels fulfillment or the desire to be fulfilled for the act it becomes nullified, there is no moral worth. You are now acting out of want. For you see, the good will is the end-in-itself, for it is that good will that acts out of the sake of duty. Of course now we are left to define duty. Duty is that which makes us act out in reverence to the universal law. No, not the law that we shall not wear white after Labor Day, but the law of what is good. You don't lie, you don't cheat, you don't kill, you don't wear the same outfit as your friend knowing that he chose to wore the same thing and you called each other the night before.

The duty to lead a good life, which leads us to the Categorical Imperative, which is a rule (yes, more rules) that states what ought to be done is based upon pure reason alone and not contingent upon sensible desires; for the greater good is for the good of the people. Then again, all of this can be dismissed as a farce because the truth is there's no good for the people in buying someone a drink, unless frappicinos have become some type of moral cause that we have no idea about, which brings us to the point that the Categorical Imperative is moot, but buying someone a drink can be explained as a categorically unconditioned imperative. This is due to the fact that the necessitation of the action lies within the imperative alone, and the imperative alone does not seek to attend to the good, happiness, wisdom, or skill, or any other end that may set the action into motion...so what does this mean?

They want to feel in control of their own lives and take care of themselves...which is great. I love men who are passionate, have drive and enthusiasm...but put your Mexican pride aside and just let me buy you the damn over priced drink, so we can both have something in our hands and continue talking about frivolous pop culture and your love for Rhianna.

**Check out this site for a brief refresher on Kantian ethics

Romance, love, honor: The Gay Icon Classics of the World, book review

"Romantics are to gays, what Christians were to Roman's back in the day...something to feed to the lions" – Robert Joseph Greene

The Gay Icon Classics of the World brings to life a collection of stories from many different cultures and showcases the importance of the idea of romance, chivalry, and love between men. Expressing a love that transcends the physical, this collection of fables is determined to prove that gay men yearn to be something more than just lust-filled creatures., With a slight modernizing twist, and a careful selection of old tales, the author, Robert Joseph Greene accomplishes his task of giving a voice to the ancient concept of love and allowing it to speak to the modern gay man. The perfect love is in you, and love can be found in different ways. Robert Greene offers eleven different fables of love between men. Which one are you?

Greene’s choice of stories spans different times and different cultures, showing that love between men has transcended history. Though called by many names, the idea of love… true love, has always been present. In his much acclaimed story, “Bantu’s Song and the Soiled Loin Cloth,” the author recounts a story told to him from a fellow colleague about two African men out-casted for loving one another. Who knew that the song of love whistled between two lovers could be recounted so simply and yet so movingly? It’s impossible to ignore the emotion when Bantu steps forward to endure the pain of punishment that was going to be meted out to his lover in order to protect him from the scorn of the community. Bantu is a man so brave and chivalrous that it leaves the reader yearning for that same undying, romantic love.

On the other hand, in “The Three Wishes,” a story of two Mexican lovers, the idea of duty to family before love and keeping a dying woman’s promise transcends the physical sense of love. Spiritual love for one another is knowing that one’s soul mate will find his way back. Two men from different backgrounds are joined together when Santiago helps out an older woman, and is told that God has come to grant him a wish; but in order for the wish to be granted he must share it. In a world filled with imagery and culture, Greene brings to life a tale of two men destined to be with one another… in due time.

Sometimes love alone isn’t enough to quench the desire we seek most; to find a mate that understands who we are as a man, a person, and a lover. In Greene’s story, “The Journey and the Jewels,” the main character, Prince Asfar, discovers that seeking someone like him isn’t the solution to his desire. Two princes, both born of wealth and opportunity, both with the same desire for love, but very different in character, teach us, as well as the young prince, that the grass isn’t always greener on the other side. Sometimes prices must be paid and lessons learned in order to find that true love might be right in front of you.

Greene brings to light that even as classic as these tales are, the underlying note of fear for loving another man was present throughout time just as it is today. The need and search to love openly is in every story, and in every story love comes at the end of a struggle with oneself, religion, or community in a whimsical allusion that everything will be alright if one gives into love, and nothing else matters. Today, with the continued fight for gay rights and same-sex marriage, it turns out these tales are not far from the truth. These are stories of men fearing the ridicule of society for feeling how they feel for another man all the while trying to negotiate their own feelings and identity and discovering what is right for themselves.

The Gay Icon Classics of the World is a journey through a world not known to most gay men yet still remarkably relatable; a world filled with romance, chivalry, and lessons. As children we grow up reading tales, fables that show us how we should behave, what we should be, and what is right and wrong in society. It is a model for life, but who’s life? Robert Greene’s, The Gay Icon Classics of the World picks up where other fables have left off and allows a place for gay men to reorganize and reconstruct the notion of love. It is a telling of love stories that allows us to believe that love conquers all… even between two men.

To keep current with Robert Greene and Icon Empire Press follow these links...

Facebook | Icon Empire Press | Amazon 

the Tops and Bottoms of Dating: Part 13, The Second Date

photo by Alan Ilagan

At this point we have all gone on a few first dates, good and bad. For those of you who have SURVIVED, congratulations! On to the second date. The first date might be the hardest, but how does one land the second date? Are there tell tale signs? Do you wait a couple of days before you ask, text, Facebook message him? Maybe he didn't really like you and instead faked a great first date. Here is the security deposit to the Second Date. The signs you should watch for, the text of his speech, his body language, and of course the things you shouldn't do to NOT get a second date. In order to fully understand if there is a promise of a second date we must dissect the first date.

Initial Contact
You know mom always said, you never get a second chance to make a first impression, so make it count! If there will be a second date, you better shine on the first, and it all starts out at the beginning. Do you have fresh breathe? Always make sure to shower and apply deodorant. Be on time. It's alright to be old fashioned and dare we say it, courteous on the first date...if it isn't you, maybe you should give it a shot!

1. If you have already chatted a bit and know you two like each other, charm him. Open the car door for him, be a gentleman. Just because we are gay doesn't mean chivalry and romance go out the window. Think with your head, and not the one between your legs. Plus, this might leave a lasting impression after the first date is over and he goes and dishes with his friends...and he opened the door for me.

2. Being on time is definitely high up there. If one is buying into the whole idea of relationships being a business transaction, then one should ALWAYS be on time. Are you ever late to an interview? NO! In life, I have learned the rule of being 15 minutes early...to everything. If you are running late, be courteous and send a message to him. You don't want him thinking he is being stood up, right?

The Maincourse
Once hellos are all in order and you managed to make it out to your destination, the real show begins. Like a meal, the middle of the date is the most important to creating the second date. What you say will have an impact, so choose your topics wisely, and don't be afraid to stray away from things you might not feel comfortable talking about just yet.

3. Allow them to join in on the conversation. Don't dominate the date. I am sure you have some interesting insights about politics, religion, lifestyle, and maybe you feel the government is watching you through Facebook. This isn't the time to discuss THAT! If so, what did you really learn about them?

4. DON'T talk about politics, religion, lifestyle...just yet. That can kill the first date (if you have opposed ideologies)  and then there will be no second date. It doesn't ALWAYS have to be about your views being right, you know what they say, opposites attract.

5. Body language is one of the most important keys to figuring out if he is feeling you on the first date and give way to any inclinations for a second date. Is he attentive to what you are saying? Or, is he just glossed over looking past you?

6. Full facial contact. Wait right there, get the idea of cock in your face or full make out session out of your mind, that's not what I am talking about here. If a guy is fully engaged in the date his face will make full contact. He will be smiling, his eyes open up and react to comments or your stories, he is fully vested in what YOU are doing. If you are both doing it at the same time, then BONUS, you are both having a great first date which means you are on the way to a second date. As long ask you ask.

Ending the date
Wow, so much was said. You both were fully engaged in a face fuck of conversation. This is probably the point where you begin to second guess yourself about how EVERYTHING went during the date. STOP it! Wipe your hands, take a deep breath and let him know if YOU had a good time. This is the point where the first date can end and give way to the second date in a matter of seconds, minutes, or days. Ending the date is the same as writing a thesis, reiterate what happened and follow it up with, I had a lot of fun [insert awkward nervous laugh and pray he did too].

7. If you had a good time, say it. If he is shy or maybe insecure, you telling him will hopefully prompt him to know that you are in for a second date.

8. Ask for the second date. Some people will say that maybe you should wait a few days, a week, and give the guy and yourself some time to reflect on what happened. Maybe hang out with your friends, give them the dish of the date and get their feedback. I say, do whatever you feel is right. I have been asked out on a second date right after the first one ended. It's all about approach.

Post First Date
Is he going to call me back? Will he text me? Maybe he will send me a private Facebook/Twitter message. Wait, should I call him back and ask him out? Oh no, I said the wrong thing. I was picking at my face the whole time, my hair was bad. Post date anything, we freak out if things don't happen according to plan. Guess what? There really isn't a set plan to the after-date. If he likes you, he probably said it. If he had a great time, guess what? He also probably said it. So don't text him once every hour without a reply. Let him settle in, or if you were lucky you had already made plans for the next date during the first. Great job!

9. How persistent should someone be after the first date? Well, like I said it is about approach. If he wasn't into you during the first date then you would have known. It's been my experience that gay men, tend to tell it how it is. Either verbally or physically. If you didn't pick up on it, then send out a message after the first date. Say, hi, how have you been? DON'T do it every hour! Have some restraint. If after a couple of days nothing, then let it go. If he really wants to go on a second date and he is busy, he can contact you. Messaging works both ways. Period.

10. If during the first date, they say, I can't wait to do this again. Or, this is so refreshing to go on such a great date. You are a shoe in! Set something up, maybe you both discussed something you BOTH really wanted to do, or there is a great art exhibit you both have been dying to see. Ask him out!

the Tops and Bottoms of Dating: Part 12, Southern Edition

Todays post for, the Tops and Bottoms of Dating, comes from none other than TheManCrushblog.com! Serving up some witty and poignant Southern flair for dating advice. Read, have fun, and hun, don't tread on the all mighty Britney Spears! Deal breaker.

1. Pull out and reveal your "crazy" card on the first date. Maybe Yankees or West Coast guys are better at hiding or containing the crazy but in the South every guy, no matter how decent, hot or sane they appear to be, has a "crazy" card. We Southerners take pride in being eccentric and a bit off. I mean, hello, look at our Southern queen Britney Spears! Guys – if you're in the south or dating a Southern boy ... ask to see his "crazy" card. You don't want to go three dates in and have the guy whip it out on you and suddenly you're fearing for your life. True story: I once went out with a Marxist. I mean, really, I don't care much about your politics or political leanings but I kinda need a heads up if you're a bit crazy. It was like Moses parting the Red Sea: Him: "Oh yeah, I'm a Marxist." Me: [awkward silence] "Oh. Okay ..." Him: "Yeah, and I'm probably going to be dead within two years." Me: [frowns] "And why do you say that?" Him: "It's just the way it's gonna be." [shrugs]. Uhm, yes ... so you see, springing the crazy needs to happen during the flirting process. Give a guy some warning of how crazy you really are to be courteous. Please.

2. Let's not let that freak flag fly. Remember that episode of Desperate Housewives where Bree found out Rex was into being dominated and S&M? They had been married for years but she never knew this about him and he never told her. That was a good thing! For some reason that sort of modesty and secrecy does not exist amongst men. Oh, you'll hear all the kink and fetishes upfront and for some strange reason guys think this is a turn on. No! It isn't! I don't want to know the weird little things that gets your motors running. True story: I had a perfectly fine date once. We went to go see the movie version of Chicago. All was well up until the guy turns and asks, "Do you want to go into the mall with me? I need to buy a dress." Oh yes. He needed to buy a dress. For himself. He was a cross dresser! Letting that freak flag wave tall and proud is nice and stuff after you get to know a guy but it's usually a faux pas to let it fly prematurely in a relationship.

3. Let's not discuss your ex and other failed relationships. Sigh. You meet a really hot guy, you either get asked out or drum up the courage to ask him out and what happens? The whole date is spent talking about the ex and how that relationship fizzled. Unless your date is taking place on the set of Dr. Phil, let's not discuss exes or why your last relationship failed. I don't care about your ex. I'm trying to figure out if I care about you beyond hooking-up purposes. Let's keep the focus and conversation on us in the present, shall we?

4. Can we just avoid awkwardness and go dutch on the first date? There's always that awkward moment during that first date–who's going to pay? Him, you? What does it mean if he pays? What does it mean if you pay? We all know the answer to this question: paying establishes domination. Let him pay and you may get a free meal or coffee or whatever it is he's paying for: you'll be paying him back with a blow job or some other sexual favor. Take the pressure off and call it a truce: you pay for your ish, let him pay for his. That way no one is obligated under the gay terms of dating to do anything he doesn't want to do.

5. Give me some space, dammit! You meet a guy, you two are dating, things are going just swell. Then someone gets a bit too clingy. Give a guy some space! Sure, we're dating, we're hooking up. Or maybe I just entrusted you with my phone number or friended you on Facebook: I need space. Do not take a little green light by a guy as a sign that you're free to go absolutely crazy. Don't show up on his doorstep every night, don't expect to talk to him non-stop on the phone from the time he's off work till he's unconscious and fast asleep, don't think he's suddenly going to spend every waking hour with you: you're dating, or maybe just hooking up on a regular basis and casually have dinner or go out afterwards; I'm pretty sure he doesn't want a stalker or to feel like he's babysitting. Men like space and freedom, give it to them!

6. Pajamas will never be acceptable formal wear. I don't care if where we are going–whether it be to the grocery store at 12 in the morning, IHOP or Wal-Mart, it is not acceptable to be seen out in public in your pajamas. It's not sexy, it's not cool, don't do it, period.

7. Boys text. Real men call. If you can't call and talk like a grown up and can only text or worse, Tweet, you aren't worth my time.

8. If you ask me a question, don't get pissy over my answer. I'm all for communication and being an open book. So I'll be respectful and will keep my opinions to myself but if you ask me a question, don't hold my response against me if it doesn't match with what you were hoping to get as a response.

9. This is the South. Do not correct my English or Grammar skills. Look, I'll make every effort to speak in a manner in which you will be able to understand me but unless you're training me for a spelling bee or the G.R.E., do not expect every sentence I speak to be grammatically correct. The only time you should be correcting my oral skills is in the bedroom. Thanks!

10. I don't care how drugged up, confused, bloated and out of it she seems or appears–Britney Spears is the center of my world so shut up about how her "time is up." Listen, we're dating, going out (if even that), but that doesn't give you the right to rip the almighty, forever lip-syncing, slightly discombobulated Southern princess of pop. I'll endure your horrid taste in music, will nod along to the country music station, even stomach the un-Holy sounding gospel music. But I will not sit idly by as you rant and rave about how Britney Spears' is irrelevant, can't sing, washed up and so on and so forth. Bish is like herpes–she comes and goes but she's been around for years and isn't going anywhere anytime soon so get over. A strong dislike and continual ripping of the Cheeto and Uggs queen is grounds for breakup. Deal breaker! 

Listen NOW to Boymeetsboyblog.com and BabbleOnPodcast

As you all know, I spent the evening with the gals at BabbleOnPodcast! Click the link to hear all the craziness that went down. Everything from trips to Mexico, cute McFly boys, and my dating dilemmas over at Boymeetsboyblog.com!

Make sure to download previous podcasts over at Itunes. If you haven't yet, and why haven't you, follow BabbleOn over at Twitter!

@BabbleOnPodcast | BabbleOnPodcast Facebook

Oh My Queer Stars; Sex, Love, and Horoscopes

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the Tops and Bottoms of Dating, Video Edition: How to Meet a Guy Offline

I wanted to do another Tops an Bottoms of Dating, but in video form. This is one of many to come! Hope you enjoy! Also here are a few links to the shout outs I gave. Support the bloggers, podcasters, vloggers, and well everyone! Enjoy. xo

HaventHart.com | @HavenHart

theManCrushBlog.com | @Man_crush

@TheVelvetSpark

BabbleOnPodcast | @BabbleOnPodcast

Jizzona Straynger | @Jizzona

the Tops and Bottoms of Dating: Part 10

1. Find out what you do that annoys him and try not to do it anymore. Try. If you can't change it just let him know, "Hey! I was born this way." And then break out in song and dance.

2. Let him surprise you once in awhile, you might like it.

3. Get away together for a weekend. It's good practice just in case you ever decide to move in together. Plus, you can see if he does anything that annoys you.

4. Some times your musical tastes might not be aligned with each other and it's alright. Just add your own lyrics when he is listening to JLo, correction Jennifer Lopez now, and say she is amazing!

5. Don't double book yourself with your friend and him. Those are decisions that can not be solved with a coin toss.

6. If you are dating someone in another city, share the driving responsibilities. Plus it gives you an excuse to leave things at his place. A few articles of clothing, toothbrush, razor, a hair dryer with all of it's attachments, and a love fern. Hopefully he won't kill it!

7. Share in the decision making process. Every one has an opinion, especially gay men, so open your mouth and voice it! Not everyone wants to have a blue bathroom.

8. Don't tell a guy that you can get tired of being around some people, especially if you see them often. What you should say is that at times you need your ALONE/going with friends to the movie/getting drinks time. You can have separate lives and be together.

9. When going out to dinner with his parents, be presentable, but still be you. Just remember this rule of thumb, remove one piece of jewelry before you walk out the door (according to Coco Chanel).

10. It's a good thing if you wake up together and the first thing you can do is make him smile or laugh. Even if it is because you get crazy hair in the morning.

Men in the Kitchen: The Recipe for a Relationship, and Making it Work

Men, it's time to hit the kitchen! Gear up, grab your spatulas, measuring cups, whisks, and get ready to whip those eggs. Dating might be hard, but what about creating a relationship and making it work?

Ingredients necessary:
3 cups of dating
2 hearts in love
1 cup of honesty
3/4 cups of trust (add as necessary)
2 cups of open communication
a dash of sexual chemistry

**this recipe serves two people.

Preheat that dating oven to 400°F and get ready to mix.

1. Prepare the relationship by adding 3 cups of dating. Dating is very important because it allows the two people to get to know each other. They can share their mutual interests and get to know each other's bottom lines. You can add more or less of this ingredient as you may need. There is no set rule letting you know how much is necessary to make the perfect relationship, only YOU know that. Don't let others govern how you choose to do it.

2. Next, add a dash of sexual chemistry. Give it that spice you need! Lets face it, you have to be sexually attracted to the person or else all you really have is a platonic friendship. Spend some time having wild passionate sex, or have some sexy rendezvous. Sexual chemistry comes in different ways, such as, erotic massages, dirty talk, skype-sexing, use that imagination! Either way, if he doesn't make your blood flow then sexual chemistry isn't there.

3. After having endless nights of passionate sex, conversation over wine, and meeting his family and friends, it is time to add 1 cup of honesty and 3/4 cups of trust. By this time you two have really come to know each other. You both have developed trust and honesty for each other and what you want.  Trust is one of those rare ingredients to obtain. It isn't available at your local Trader Joes. If you really want it then you should be honest to yourself and him. Don't hide something that you know will rear it's ugly head later on in the relationship. Deal with it NOW. If you are able to find trust and honesty your relationship is on it's way to rising.

4. Once trust and honesty have been added it is time to add 2 cups of open communication. Add slowly and listen. Listening is a must. There are too many times that all we do is hear, but really pay attention and listen to what the other person has to say. You both have established that you like each other and that you are mutually interested in each other. Both of you have learned that you can talk to each other about anything.

5. Let the relationship rise and set in. You have talked, listened, gone on dates that have allowed you two to become closer than ever and trust each other. By this time you two have a lot on your mind.

6. Once the relationship has risen, you two can now add the 2 hearts in love. Love, is that other word used after like. After trust, love is the next hard ingredient to obtain. We say it to our family members, but to give it to someone else, who isn't blood related, is something that develops. It comes from the two people allowing themselves to open up the idea that this is REAL. There is a connection that reaches beyond friendship.

7. Now that you have established love, it is time to bake your relationship for 30 minutes. Make sure to check on it as necessary. Keep it alive, make it fun, be spontaneous and adventurous.

Bing! It is done! Take that relationship out of the oven and enjoy! Relationship is always best served warm.

The Top of the Matter: Why the Top has yet to top

Unicorns, those mythical creatures that gallop in evergreen forests where rainbows and leprechauns are always present. Amidst them is a rare and elusive breed of man, the Top who has never topped. How can this happen, you may ask. How does he know he is a top? Is he lying? A virgin...at the age of 40? I can hear it now, Daniel, don't be so gullible. Men will say anything in order to get into your pants (sometimes words aren't necessary).

There are many reasons to why a man may have never topped another guy. Sure, he is still gay! Being gay goes beyond the sexual act. Maybe, yes, he had sex with women, but that is not the same as topping a man. Is it? According to my friends, it isn't. There is a different skill set, different moves, another penis is involved. In my lifetime I have met two men, who have both not topped a guy and are both gay (and then they met me). Both were formerly with women. In order to fully understand why a man has never topped I went straight to the source. Here are a few reasons to why the Top never topped.

1. Too scared or nervous to do it. Especially if it is the first time...too cute!

2. Never had the opportunity. Having sex with straight men never allowed the opportunity other than to be a bottom...or oral.

3. Didn't realize there was a difference between a top and bottom. Some believe that being gay is a packaged deal, that one is both a top and a bottom. To quote my ex-boyfriend, "As you people call it now, versatile."

4. Not knowing how or what to do, performance anxiety. It comes back to wanting to please the other partner, after all sex is about mutual gratification. You want to make sure it is fun for both parties involved, and sometimes the feeling of possibly disappointing the other person sets in. Damn those power bottoms!

5. Overwhelmed with the concept that you/he is with someone like himself for the first time, ie. gay. Maybe he was married to a woman or dated girls previously. Give the poor guy a break!

6. Having sex for some is a big investment. He doesn't want to do it than have the person not be in his life. Some people are actually not looking for a hook-up.

8. He can't get over the fact that his penis will be inside of someone's butt. He is scared that it is dirty and doesn't know if he is ready to deal with that aspect of anal sex. FYI, it's call douching, men! If you haven't, you should.

Having sex with anyone is awkward the first time. Like I mentioned before, it is hard getting to know someone's body. You have to understand the rise and fall of their body. Don't make it hard if he has never topped, take your time, build your own relationship. You never know, it might be the hottest sex you will ever have!

No Texts, No Problem: Top 10 reasons to not freak out

You know that period of dating where texting and calling becomes less? There you are sitting by your phone, as you are laughing away at some dumb new Youtube video your friend tells you about, and you jitter around to check your phone. Only to find out you imagined it going off and beeping. Phantom texts. You begin to go down this winding path, what did I do? Did I offend? Have I made myself too emotionally unavailable? Maybe he doesn't really like me. Or, maybe he logged on to adam4adam.com and he hooked up with someone and he is way hotter, has a bigger penis, and the easiest way he can get rid of you is by stopping all communication with you.

Instead he flaunts his check-ins on foursquare and updates himself on Facebook. Yet there is no text, no I miss you, no xoxoxoxo.

STOP! Before you begin pulling out your hair, picking everything on your face, and biting your nails, there might be a perfect reason to why he is preoccupied or can't get back to you.

1. He works. Go figure, we did want a guy with a job, a steady job at that.

2. He has no cell phone service. Part of his job makes him travel, therefore maybe he is in a bad reception area.

3. He never got your past text. Maybe YOUR phone has bad reception.

4. Parents. He is the youngest of his family and it is a holiday weekend. Believe it or not some people actually get along with their family and love them.

5. Maybe you mention that you are with your ex-boyfriend way too much and he doesn't want to hear it.

6. It's a busy weekend with friends and he doesn't want to be rude and on his phone the whole time.

7. His phone is dead. (But he keeps an extra battery in his pocket)

8. Maybe you haven't been texting him enough and he feels that you don't want to see or hear him anymore.

9. He is driving and can't text or call.

10. Maybe you shouldn't get pink eye.

Meeting the Parents Version 3.0

Him: My mom said, Invite Daniel over for Easter, we would love to meet him.
Me: Gulp.

Jaw dropped to the floor, was I really ready to meet the parents? Seriously, we have been seeing each other for about a month now. Mostly me staying over the nights at his place in Huntington Beach. After a great first date, nights of watching movies at his place, awkward getting to know each other's body sex, he wanted me to meet his parents. Ok, correction, even he was weary about me meeting his parents and voiced his opinion to his mother that maybe I, Daniel, didn't want to meet them just yet.

Honestly, I was flattered. After best friends, parents are the next and final step to being a serious relationship, besides buying matching towels together at Ikea and figuring out what kind of scent our house should be. The parents are the entry way to the whole family. They set the tone to the introduction, they have the final say about their baby boy. Are they ready to accept this crazy love monster blogger?

In my short lifetime, I have met two sets of parent's from my past relationships. One was my ex-girlfriend's parents. Single mother who wanted us to stay together through the high school romance, get married, and have children. Oops, I like guys. The other parents, parent I should say, I met was my ex-boyrfriend's/partner/lover. We met accidently. At the time my my partner and I were living together in an apartment. His mom, sister, niece, and nephew were down from Texas to visit. Oh and it is true, the only thing that does come from Texas are steers and queers. I digress. During this visit, I had to leave the apartment and stay with my parents...surprise my partner at the time wasn't out. To my parent's I went were the living room was now my room.

One day after school, I had to go over and feed our cat at the apartment. My ex and his family were out  at the beach, sans me. There I am grabbing the cat food, pouring it into the plate, when the door opens. My heart stops and through my mind runs the idea, do I look too gay today? Shirt not too tight. Check. Boy pants not girl pants. Check. Rainbow belt not on. Check. Perfect, I looked normal. He walks through the door with his mom. They were both smiling. I never seen him with his mom, and as a gay man who is very close with his mom, I saw the love they shared. It was beautiful. Despite the awkwardness he introduced me to his family as his good friend.

As everyone was unwinding from a long day at the beach, my ex began to cook. His mom took a seat and began folding his underwear while she asked me questions about myself. She also proceeded to tell her son that he should invite me over for dinner. Ever the southern belle, his mom was gracious, honest, and welcoming.

Ten years later, here I am being asked to meet the parents of the new guy I am dating. No awkward moment, no expectations, a simple bar-b-que where my presence was requested. Maybe it is this simple...

An Official "Proper" Date: The Date, the Wine, the Best Friend

Post hook-up, semi-quasi first date, and two weeks later, there we are sitting in his car, listening to Depeche Mode filling up for gas. Little did he know my musical taste goes past the Britney Spears and Lady Gaga facade I put on. Note to self: Singing in the car is always fun, so have fun, it might make him smile and think you are some what normal.

We decided that we would go on an official "proper" date. He asked me out and said he would plan it. Yes people it is quite that easy! If you like a guy, ask him out, plan a day, a good ol' fashioned date. We drove down the winding PCH road leading from Huntington Beach over to Laguna Beach. Sorry, LC was not available for a shameless plug, oh wait her show is no longer on, along with her clothing line. I digress. We drove into the main part of Laguna Beach. The weather was beautiful, the sun was out, and Laguna Canyon Winery was closed. He had planned to do wine tasting, but unbeknownst to him the place we were looking for wasn't there, or so we thought. We drove down a bit more to the other location right across from the Laguna Beach Playhouse. There we found out that we just didn't look hard enough. We are men, gay men, we don't ask for directions. We have gaydar, we know EVERYTHING!

We did a wine tasting, chatted some more, asked the important questions. Do you like seafood? My answer, "I don't like any type of fish in my mouth." He learned that I love to read Jim Morrison's poetry, while sitting in the bath tub smoking a cigar. I learned he is family oriented, loves Burberry, and his favorite musical is Les Miserables. The date was going perfect. He is sincere, honest, and fun. After some wine tasting we headed over to get some food at a nice little restaurant with a picket white fence called The Cottage. It all seemed surreal, the last time I was treated out to such a day was with my ex. Most guys I have dated previously thought staying in to see a movie and fucking afterward was a first date. Of course, I also hooked up with the guy I am dating previously...nothing follows a plan.

Honestly the day could have been spent out at the beach all day with him and it would have been fine. Then the phone call...his friend, best friend, is out and about and wants to know if we all want to get together. My date asks me if I want to...before I know it YES is coming out of my mouth.

Ok, to some, meeting friends is not a big deal. To me, it is. Especially meeting the best friend. That alone means a lot. The best friend can make or break you. Meeting the friend after the first official date, on the same night, MAJOR! I once introduced a guy, I thought I was seeing seriously, to my friends right after my ltr not realizing the Facebook repercussions. I was taking it slow this time. But, he was comfortable with me meeting his best friend.

Off we went to meet him at one of the local bars in Orange County, Tin Lizzie Saloon. It is funny, because I am not shy. I talk a lot. I talk for a living. Well, I also lie for one, but that's a whole other story. As soon, as I met the friend I clammed up. For the sake of not sounding stupid I figured to keep my answers minimal but still filled with my character so he didn't think I was bland. Thank goodness the music was up a bit and Britney Spears was drowning me out...along with the Stella I was having. We all decided at some point to head out to Long Beach that night. I needed more drinks to loosen up, STAT.

Bar hopping we went and then to a sex shop. Isn't that how your dates go? Sitting at one of the bars, the best friend excuses himself, my date turns around, and says he likes you.

Relief. I explained to him that I felt I was being rude and that normally I am not shy. He understood how much importance I put on meeting the best friend. Thank goodness. I thought I was just a crazy gay man on his own, like always.

Best friends mean a lot. Especially to gay men. Best friends, or the circle of friends we make, become a family. I am not talking about the friend who leaves you in the middle of the club to randomly hook up and leave you without a ride. The friends I am talking about are the ones who are there for you when a family member passes away (even a canine family member), when you lose your job, when your relationship is coming to an end, when the guy you allowed to come into your life rips your heart out and leaves you helpless/hopeless without a way to love again.

No wonder I place so much importance on best friends and what they think.  They are looking after our best interests.

This is to all the best friends out there, most importantly my best friend Bryan. The sweetest gentle lion. My Eeyore.

Love 1.0.4: The Hook-Up as the Precursor to the Date

Far-fetched, yes. Slutty, maybe. Whore, never. As I stared at the glowing screen of my phone, there it was, room 822, Marriot Hotel. Previously, I had already invited myself over, but then the doubt settled in. What would he think about me? Would he believe that it is this easy, and that I do this all the time. Will he be able to take me seriously afterwards? We had made plans to go on a date/meet up the following day, but after playful banter via text, I said why not? Why not go over? After debating with myself, which happens a lot, I went.

There I was standing in front of his hotel room. Waiting, anticipating...he better not have lied about his stats and pictures. The door cracks open, and it's him. Standing there, in his maroon Burberry polo, navy blue shorts, and beautiful hazel eyes, it's the guy in the picture. Perfect, because I didn't have an escape plan. There was no call back phone number I could hit that would call me and tell me something happened to my dear great aunt. I had just got into town from work, so my outfit was semi-planned. Thank goodness I carry a toothbrush to work! We sat there talking about our jobs, what we like and dislike, and that he was previously married to a woman and had just come out 5 years ago. What did I get myself into? There was no flashing neon sign saying STAY AWAY!

After a few minutes of probing (no sex toys involved), we ended up in the bath tub, prepping for a massage that was promised. The night continued with the massage and more cuddling. I can continue to tell you the story, but as gay men, you have already made up the rest of it by the time I said hook-up in the title.

It was a great evening until the alarm went off at 5:30AM. That's when we woke up, I turned around saw his face in the morning light...fuck, I like him!

This was just supposed to be sex. Nothing more, nothing less. But it happened... I liked him. Good thing we still had a date planned, this would be the true test. After he got off of work I picked him up and drove us to Yard House. Great food, good beer, and the hockey game was on. He loves the Ducks. In between pauses and call outs in the game, we conversed a bit more. In the back of my head was, he just wants to have sex again. Or, he didn't want to be there, especially after already getting what he wanted. Then he says, "I didn't think it would be us having sex before the date." What a relief, we were both on the same page thinking about it.

Why were we both beating ourselves up over this idea, this concept? There is nothing wrong with meeting up for sex first and then something coming out of it. If anything, it gets sex out of the way! We both had checked out the goods, got a taste, and saw what we were investing in. There was no hiding it now. Physical attraction is a big part of any relationship.

Relationship. That is the big R-word that comes into question after a hook-up. We both talked about it. The fact is that if anything did ensue afterwards we both had to explain how we met and where to friends, and inquiring minds always want to know. That was the more embarrassing part. We didn't want our hook-up, our need for sex, to cheapen what could be if it happened. People have ideas, people judge...fuck we were judging ourselves.

Two weeks later, post self-judgement, we have gone out almost every other night. From hook-up, to dating, to....

Meet me @ TheManCrushblog.com

You can check me out today over at TheManCrushblog! Check out what I have to say about dating, relationships, and the technological age that we as gay men live in. There is no getting around it, it's 2011! Also, while you are there check out the whole site. It is filled with goodies! From getting fit, music critiques, and we can't forget the gorgeous men! Have fun!

Visit TheManCrushblog|Facebook|Tumblr|Twitter

Boymeetsboyblog.com: Video Weekend Re-edit

The weekend is here, and I thought I would leave you with a short video of me touching bases with my favorite bloggers! Enjoy, love, share! Remember, join the motha' fucking conversation! xo

Facebook, Myspace, Bed-Space; Finding the nook in his bed

After dating someone for a few weeks or in some cases a couple of days, he asks you to stay the night. It's perfect! You have had some great dates, thought provoking conversations, and some hot make-out sessions. The natural next step would be spending the night, right? I know what some of you are thinking; but you slept with him already. True, that doesn't mean having sex happens at night, only, or that I or you stay the night after having sex. My natural inclination is to not stay the night after having sex (breakfast the next day makes it too bf like). This has nothing to do with treating it like a hook-up, but his and my sleeping habits.

You can find anyone on Facebook and Myspace, but the hardest thing to find is that nook, that space where you are allowed to sleep in his bed. Not even Google Maps can tell you where to find that! He is use to tossing and turning, snoring, and sleeping with a Jets football shirt and matching bottoms on because he sweats during the night. Lets face it people, when you are asleep, your body DOES whatever it wants. YOU have no control of it. Some people sweat, others need pillows in between their knees, while others don't want to be touched at all.

One of my biggest reasons to not spending the night is finding the nook. Everyone has a spot in the bed they sleep on. Some people sleep on the left, others on the right, some people need the whole bed. If I do stay the night at someone's house I always ask where they sleep and what they like and don't like. Yes, I overanalyze everything! I just want to make sure that I am not being too cuddly, spooning the incorrect way, or me sleeping naked makes him feel uncomfortable. The first stay over should be perfect. I don't snore, I don't move...yeah sometimes I just don't sleep. The 4AM alarm goes off, as Ke$ha fills the dark silence, for him to get ready. I pop out of bed, look for my clothes, find my underwear on the other side, and make my way home for 2 whole hours of sleep.

What I have learned is to allow them, if it is their place, to control the situation. If he pulls you in closer to cuddle then go ahead. Put your arm around his chest, snuggle up right under his neck. When he decides to pull away, it's alright, maybe he is too hot. Or you are creating a pool of sweat on his side, and he thinks you are gross. That's usually when I turn around myself and sleep in fetal position. Of course, with in an hour I wake up to him humping my back side and my underwear missing. But, I digress.

Him: "So do you want to spend the night?" Me: "Sure! I love first dates!"

The First Date is Never Just a Walk in the Park

Warm Spring days and first dates, those are a few of my favorite things. The flowers are blooming in and around downtown; you can hear the birds chirping their songs to the lovers sitting in the park. Men round up! This is your chance to provide your girlfriend or boyfriend the best date ever.

Park’s are the best first date! You have to plan everything, from what to wear, which park to go to, and to what to eat. The Inland Empire has a lot of places to choose from, it just requires YOU, yes you, providing a little bit of the leg work in research. There is no need to worry. Here are a few ideas for you!

Casual Cool to Flirty and Fun: What to wear?

Men, here is your chance to amp up your style by using very little. There are a few items all men should have in their wardrobe, especially for a sunny, Spring day in the Inland Empire. A v-neck goes a long way, from playful hues of blue to your basic black and white. Pick these up anywhere you can, I recommend Urban Outfitters or American Apparel. They always have some great deals, especially when you buy in bulk.

Next up, is a fitted blazer. The great thing about owning this item is that you can wear it casually or as a formal piece. Roll up the sleeves, add a watch and you are set for that walk in the park. I always tell men they should at least have a blue and black blazer in their wardrobe. For Spring, mix it up, get a cool khaki or light grey.

For a sunny day in the IE, the best way to go with bottoms is a pair of shorts. Men, put away the cargos, those aren’t the shorts I am talking about. Find a nice pair of navy mid shorts, or to the knee. Go to your local H&M or Forever 21, take your best friend that is a girl or your bgf (best gay friend) and let them give you their honest opinion. Once you find the right pair of shorts, get a belt to go with it. Go for something casual and vintage, try a braided belt!

With all that walking and prancing around in the park, you need to make sure to have comfortable shoes. Boat shoes are great! Also try, moccasins. Both options provide different colors. It’s Spring, be bold, be daring! Remember to always go sockless with these types of shoes! A touch of baby powder in the sole will keep moisture out and your feet in great condition.

The place to park: Finding a good park

Finding a park can be more difficult than finding a parking spot in downtown Los Angeles. One, you don’t want there to be vagrants, as you are trying to woo your potential loved one. Two, you want to make sure there are a few other things to do, such as a walk around a lake, a small hike, a refreshing flower garden, or music wafting through the air as you lay on the grass eating sandwiches and drinking wine.

White Park: Located off of Magnolia Avenue, in Riverside is a great little park, with pathways, and a beautiful aromatic rose garden.

UCR Botanical Gardens: Beauty abounds with all the different local and exotic plants. Take a stroll through the beautiful foliage or take a seat and enjoy a nice chat with coffee in hand.

Fairmont Park: Located in downtown Riverside, enjoy a nice stroll by the pond or on certain days enjoy a live band over food and wine.

Ford Park: With two ponds and beautiful grassy hills, take a day in Redlands, and enjoy a nice lunch.

Sylvan Park: Across from the University of Redlands, you will find a beautiful spacious park. Filled with eating areas and gazebos for live music. Bring a guitar, have fun, and make it memorable.

Food for thought:

After your soon-to-be-loved one gushes over the thought you placed into every detail of this amazing date, you bring out the main course, food and wine! You don’t want to bring anything that may spoil, or not keep its delectable taste. Keep it simple, and make it fun! Here are few places you can pick up some tasty tidbits for you and your date.

Casey’s Cupcakes: Sweets for your sweetie. Stop here to get some amazing cupcakes! Found in the Mission Inn Center, Riverside.

Simple Simons: Also located in the Mission Inn Center, Riverside, stop here to get some delicious sandwiches, pastas, and salads. Perfect for a day in the park!

BevMo: Not Inland Empire specific, but a great wine selection. Get something crisp and refreshing. Ask if you’re not sure. They love talking about wines!

Now that you have everything covered from what to wear, to where to go, you just have to pick the date. Surprise them! Take the day off and pick them up. Better yet get on a bike, and hopefully they have one, and ride to the nearest park! Don’t forget the picnic basket, and enjoy the day in the sunny Inland Empire!

--boymeetsboyblog.com for Social Culture IE Magazine

the Tops and Bottoms of Dating: Part 8, Valentine's Day Edition

1. Find something cute to do for Valentine's Day. Maybe you two can pick a place and plan the day out. This way you both have fun and you learn a little bit more about each other.

2. You aren't obligated to say I love you on Valentine's Day. There are many card options out there! Get them an, I like you, card. Remember yellow roses are nice too, they mean friendship. Also try pink roses!

3. If it is early in the dating process, you don't HAVE to buy them a gift. Do it because you WANT to.

4. You don't have to spend Valentine's Day together, especially if your miles away from each other, make it a time when both of you have the day off together and can spend quality time together.

5. Surprises are ALWAYS good. If you figure out beforehand what the surprise is, then pretend to be surprised. Surprise!

6. Mixtapes are always a great gift. Especially if you sneak in a slow song. Plan it correctly, play it over dinner (that you cooked), and when it comes on, take his/her hand and slow dance in the living room.

7. It's alright if you aren't dating someone or have a significant other in your life on Valentine's Day. Make it a friends night. Love comes in different forms!

8. Don't buy a gift for him/her, but in reality it is for you. For example, lingerie, sex toys, etc. It shows no real thought to who the person is, it also shows that you shopped last minute. Put some effort into it!

9. If you want something for Valentine's Day and you are hinting, STOP! This isn't your birthday. Let them find something they think you will love. Plus, everytime you see it, it will remind you of them.

10. Everyday is Valentine's Day! You don't need a Hallmark made holiday to say I love you. Take every day to appreciate those in your life.