SexyHotGay...the video you all wanted. xo

the Tops and Bottoms of Dating: Part 13, The Second Date

photo by Alan Ilagan

At this point we have all gone on a few first dates, good and bad. For those of you who have SURVIVED, congratulations! On to the second date. The first date might be the hardest, but how does one land the second date? Are there tell tale signs? Do you wait a couple of days before you ask, text, Facebook message him? Maybe he didn't really like you and instead faked a great first date. Here is the security deposit to the Second Date. The signs you should watch for, the text of his speech, his body language, and of course the things you shouldn't do to NOT get a second date. In order to fully understand if there is a promise of a second date we must dissect the first date.

Initial Contact
You know mom always said, you never get a second chance to make a first impression, so make it count! If there will be a second date, you better shine on the first, and it all starts out at the beginning. Do you have fresh breathe? Always make sure to shower and apply deodorant. Be on time. It's alright to be old fashioned and dare we say it, courteous on the first date...if it isn't you, maybe you should give it a shot!

1. If you have already chatted a bit and know you two like each other, charm him. Open the car door for him, be a gentleman. Just because we are gay doesn't mean chivalry and romance go out the window. Think with your head, and not the one between your legs. Plus, this might leave a lasting impression after the first date is over and he goes and dishes with his friends...and he opened the door for me.

2. Being on time is definitely high up there. If one is buying into the whole idea of relationships being a business transaction, then one should ALWAYS be on time. Are you ever late to an interview? NO! In life, I have learned the rule of being 15 minutes early...to everything. If you are running late, be courteous and send a message to him. You don't want him thinking he is being stood up, right?

The Maincourse
Once hellos are all in order and you managed to make it out to your destination, the real show begins. Like a meal, the middle of the date is the most important to creating the second date. What you say will have an impact, so choose your topics wisely, and don't be afraid to stray away from things you might not feel comfortable talking about just yet.

3. Allow them to join in on the conversation. Don't dominate the date. I am sure you have some interesting insights about politics, religion, lifestyle, and maybe you feel the government is watching you through Facebook. This isn't the time to discuss THAT! If so, what did you really learn about them?

4. DON'T talk about politics, religion, lifestyle...just yet. That can kill the first date (if you have opposed ideologies)  and then there will be no second date. It doesn't ALWAYS have to be about your views being right, you know what they say, opposites attract.

5. Body language is one of the most important keys to figuring out if he is feeling you on the first date and give way to any inclinations for a second date. Is he attentive to what you are saying? Or, is he just glossed over looking past you?

6. Full facial contact. Wait right there, get the idea of cock in your face or full make out session out of your mind, that's not what I am talking about here. If a guy is fully engaged in the date his face will make full contact. He will be smiling, his eyes open up and react to comments or your stories, he is fully vested in what YOU are doing. If you are both doing it at the same time, then BONUS, you are both having a great first date which means you are on the way to a second date. As long ask you ask.

Ending the date
Wow, so much was said. You both were fully engaged in a face fuck of conversation. This is probably the point where you begin to second guess yourself about how EVERYTHING went during the date. STOP it! Wipe your hands, take a deep breath and let him know if YOU had a good time. This is the point where the first date can end and give way to the second date in a matter of seconds, minutes, or days. Ending the date is the same as writing a thesis, reiterate what happened and follow it up with, I had a lot of fun [insert awkward nervous laugh and pray he did too].

7. If you had a good time, say it. If he is shy or maybe insecure, you telling him will hopefully prompt him to know that you are in for a second date.

8. Ask for the second date. Some people will say that maybe you should wait a few days, a week, and give the guy and yourself some time to reflect on what happened. Maybe hang out with your friends, give them the dish of the date and get their feedback. I say, do whatever you feel is right. I have been asked out on a second date right after the first one ended. It's all about approach.

Post First Date
Is he going to call me back? Will he text me? Maybe he will send me a private Facebook/Twitter message. Wait, should I call him back and ask him out? Oh no, I said the wrong thing. I was picking at my face the whole time, my hair was bad. Post date anything, we freak out if things don't happen according to plan. Guess what? There really isn't a set plan to the after-date. If he likes you, he probably said it. If he had a great time, guess what? He also probably said it. So don't text him once every hour without a reply. Let him settle in, or if you were lucky you had already made plans for the next date during the first. Great job!

9. How persistent should someone be after the first date? Well, like I said it is about approach. If he wasn't into you during the first date then you would have known. It's been my experience that gay men, tend to tell it how it is. Either verbally or physically. If you didn't pick up on it, then send out a message after the first date. Say, hi, how have you been? DON'T do it every hour! Have some restraint. If after a couple of days nothing, then let it go. If he really wants to go on a second date and he is busy, he can contact you. Messaging works both ways. Period.

10. If during the first date, they say, I can't wait to do this again. Or, this is so refreshing to go on such a great date. You are a shoe in! Set something up, maybe you both discussed something you BOTH really wanted to do, or there is a great art exhibit you both have been dying to see. Ask him out!

Lets Talk About Sex, Baby!

June 27th is National HIV Testing Day

The month of June brings us warm weather, pride festivals around the world, and Obama's proclaimed LGBT Month (which is a big stepping stone and proclamation from a president), but it is also HIV/AIDs awareness month. That means get tested, be knowledgeable, and know your status! Here at BMBB.com, I promote getting tested and being safe. I can't stress it enough, this isn't an option, it is a must do before and after any sexual partner or every six months, whichever comes first.

WE>AIDs reports that over one million people are currently living with HIV in the United States and 20% of the people infected don't know. Teens and young adults under the age of 30 represent 34% of new HIV infections since the year 2006 (Kaiser Family Foundation; Fact Sheet: The HIV/AIDs Epidemic in the US). Concerned yet? Don't be scared, be informed! Know your status.

Whether you are hooking up, dating, friends with benefits, open relationship... trust me the list goes on... you should always have the sex talk. Don't be afraid to be the one asking. It's your body, you need to know if there is anything that can potentially harm you.

I was sitting with a friend having beer and tacos over at Little Cave in Highland Park. He opened the discussion, so we hadn't had the sex talk...of course the whole time before that he was singing, "Lets talk about sex baby, lets talk about you and me, lets talk about..." Insert a little dance here. It was open and honest without any awkwardness. Without skipping a beat he proceeded to ask me about my status. Down the list I went with some 80's music mixed by the DJ as my soundtrack.

Exactly what does the sex talk entail? Well here are the guidelines on what YOU need to know.

1. What is your status and when were you tested?

2. Have you ever or do you have any other STDs?

3. Have you had past partners who had HIV/AIDs or an STD? Some STDs can be carried and never physically shown. You should know the difference of the different STD's.

Now that you are armed with a few questions, you need to be prepared to answer them yourself. It's easy, that means finding your nearest clinic or making an appointment with your doctor and getting tested. If you don't have insurance, there are many programs out there that you can find that do either free HIV testing or low cost testing. Here is an easy way of locating a center, text your zip code to KNOWIT (566948). There are no excuses and money is never a problem. If you are scared, shy, or embarrassed  remember this, death is worse.

The easiest way to protect yourself from transmitting diseases during sex is easy as wash, rinse, and repeat. 1) get condoms from your local drug store, community health center, doctor 2) properly place the condom on your penis, and 3) have sex safely.

Remember, be honest, have fun, and always be safe! xo

Listen NOW to Boymeetsboyblog.com and BabbleOnPodcast

As you all know, I spent the evening with the gals at BabbleOnPodcast! Click the link to hear all the craziness that went down. Everything from trips to Mexico, cute McFly boys, and my dating dilemmas over at Boymeetsboyblog.com!

Make sure to download previous podcasts over at Itunes. If you haven't yet, and why haven't you, follow BabbleOn over at Twitter!

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the Tops and Bottoms of Dating: Part 11

1. Fresh breath is ALWAYS important! We are adults, use a toothbrush, a water pick, some floss, and mouth wash. Oh, and don't forget the dentist!

2. If you are going to tell someone what they can/can't do, then you must be sure to do the same. You can't set up rules and then not follow them, unless somehow you both mutually agree that it is stricken from the record and you can proceed as normal. The Court of Gay Love according to Judge Judy.

3. Me: "Hey there, how are you today?" Him: "Just hanging out, bored really." Me: "It's too nice of a day to be bored." Him: "Well, I'm actually horny." -- Bored=Horny.

4. Some guys use the selection of friends or looking for a relationship on profiles to get hit on more, instead of saying they are looking for a sex buddy. False advertisement, be honest about what you want. If people don't want to hit you up when you place looking for a sex bud it's probably for other reasons than you think.

5. If someone asks you in person what do you like to do, they mean exactly that, what do you like to do. Hobbies, life, friends, etc. When someone online asks you what do you like to do or into, they mean something else entirely...sex. What do you like to do sexually? So, why don't they just ask it that way?

6. When asked about how you feel about a certain situation, for example plans changing and three friends joining you making you feel like the 5th wheel because one friend is in love with the guy you are dating and needs his attention, speak up. Let him know how you feel, and it is always alright to excuse yourself from the situation and say, "Hey, I think I am just going to head home."

7. No matter how in love, don't forget to say you are sorry if you were wrong about something.

8. It's alright if you don't see the person you are dating every day. Sometimes you need your alone time to reacquaint yourself with YOU and the things you love to do. Secret single behavior.

9. Advice from a friend: "More than half the shit you think is important...isn't."

10. Make sure when you are dating someone, that their best friend (of the opposite sex) isn't in love with them. Awkward.

Oh My Queer Stars; Sex, Love, and Horoscopes

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the Tops and Bottoms of Dating: Part 10

1. Find out what you do that annoys him and try not to do it anymore. Try. If you can't change it just let him know, "Hey! I was born this way." And then break out in song and dance.

2. Let him surprise you once in awhile, you might like it.

3. Get away together for a weekend. It's good practice just in case you ever decide to move in together. Plus, you can see if he does anything that annoys you.

4. Some times your musical tastes might not be aligned with each other and it's alright. Just add your own lyrics when he is listening to JLo, correction Jennifer Lopez now, and say she is amazing!

5. Don't double book yourself with your friend and him. Those are decisions that can not be solved with a coin toss.

6. If you are dating someone in another city, share the driving responsibilities. Plus it gives you an excuse to leave things at his place. A few articles of clothing, toothbrush, razor, a hair dryer with all of it's attachments, and a love fern. Hopefully he won't kill it!

7. Share in the decision making process. Every one has an opinion, especially gay men, so open your mouth and voice it! Not everyone wants to have a blue bathroom.

8. Don't tell a guy that you can get tired of being around some people, especially if you see them often. What you should say is that at times you need your ALONE/going with friends to the movie/getting drinks time. You can have separate lives and be together.

9. When going out to dinner with his parents, be presentable, but still be you. Just remember this rule of thumb, remove one piece of jewelry before you walk out the door (according to Coco Chanel).

10. It's a good thing if you wake up together and the first thing you can do is make him smile or laugh. Even if it is because you get crazy hair in the morning.

Men in the Kitchen: The Recipe for a Relationship, and Making it Work

Men, it's time to hit the kitchen! Gear up, grab your spatulas, measuring cups, whisks, and get ready to whip those eggs. Dating might be hard, but what about creating a relationship and making it work?

Ingredients necessary:
3 cups of dating
2 hearts in love
1 cup of honesty
3/4 cups of trust (add as necessary)
2 cups of open communication
a dash of sexual chemistry

**this recipe serves two people.

Preheat that dating oven to 400°F and get ready to mix.

1. Prepare the relationship by adding 3 cups of dating. Dating is very important because it allows the two people to get to know each other. They can share their mutual interests and get to know each other's bottom lines. You can add more or less of this ingredient as you may need. There is no set rule letting you know how much is necessary to make the perfect relationship, only YOU know that. Don't let others govern how you choose to do it.

2. Next, add a dash of sexual chemistry. Give it that spice you need! Lets face it, you have to be sexually attracted to the person or else all you really have is a platonic friendship. Spend some time having wild passionate sex, or have some sexy rendezvous. Sexual chemistry comes in different ways, such as, erotic massages, dirty talk, skype-sexing, use that imagination! Either way, if he doesn't make your blood flow then sexual chemistry isn't there.

3. After having endless nights of passionate sex, conversation over wine, and meeting his family and friends, it is time to add 1 cup of honesty and 3/4 cups of trust. By this time you two have really come to know each other. You both have developed trust and honesty for each other and what you want.  Trust is one of those rare ingredients to obtain. It isn't available at your local Trader Joes. If you really want it then you should be honest to yourself and him. Don't hide something that you know will rear it's ugly head later on in the relationship. Deal with it NOW. If you are able to find trust and honesty your relationship is on it's way to rising.

4. Once trust and honesty have been added it is time to add 2 cups of open communication. Add slowly and listen. Listening is a must. There are too many times that all we do is hear, but really pay attention and listen to what the other person has to say. You both have established that you like each other and that you are mutually interested in each other. Both of you have learned that you can talk to each other about anything.

5. Let the relationship rise and set in. You have talked, listened, gone on dates that have allowed you two to become closer than ever and trust each other. By this time you two have a lot on your mind.

6. Once the relationship has risen, you two can now add the 2 hearts in love. Love, is that other word used after like. After trust, love is the next hard ingredient to obtain. We say it to our family members, but to give it to someone else, who isn't blood related, is something that develops. It comes from the two people allowing themselves to open up the idea that this is REAL. There is a connection that reaches beyond friendship.

7. Now that you have established love, it is time to bake your relationship for 30 minutes. Make sure to check on it as necessary. Keep it alive, make it fun, be spontaneous and adventurous.

Bing! It is done! Take that relationship out of the oven and enjoy! Relationship is always best served warm.

The Top of the Matter: Why the Top has yet to top

Unicorns, those mythical creatures that gallop in evergreen forests where rainbows and leprechauns are always present. Amidst them is a rare and elusive breed of man, the Top who has never topped. How can this happen, you may ask. How does he know he is a top? Is he lying? A virgin...at the age of 40? I can hear it now, Daniel, don't be so gullible. Men will say anything in order to get into your pants (sometimes words aren't necessary).

There are many reasons to why a man may have never topped another guy. Sure, he is still gay! Being gay goes beyond the sexual act. Maybe, yes, he had sex with women, but that is not the same as topping a man. Is it? According to my friends, it isn't. There is a different skill set, different moves, another penis is involved. In my lifetime I have met two men, who have both not topped a guy and are both gay (and then they met me). Both were formerly with women. In order to fully understand why a man has never topped I went straight to the source. Here are a few reasons to why the Top never topped.

1. Too scared or nervous to do it. Especially if it is the first time...too cute!

2. Never had the opportunity. Having sex with straight men never allowed the opportunity other than to be a bottom...or oral.

3. Didn't realize there was a difference between a top and bottom. Some believe that being gay is a packaged deal, that one is both a top and a bottom. To quote my ex-boyfriend, "As you people call it now, versatile."

4. Not knowing how or what to do, performance anxiety. It comes back to wanting to please the other partner, after all sex is about mutual gratification. You want to make sure it is fun for both parties involved, and sometimes the feeling of possibly disappointing the other person sets in. Damn those power bottoms!

5. Overwhelmed with the concept that you/he is with someone like himself for the first time, ie. gay. Maybe he was married to a woman or dated girls previously. Give the poor guy a break!

6. Having sex for some is a big investment. He doesn't want to do it than have the person not be in his life. Some people are actually not looking for a hook-up.

8. He can't get over the fact that his penis will be inside of someone's butt. He is scared that it is dirty and doesn't know if he is ready to deal with that aspect of anal sex. FYI, it's call douching, men! If you haven't, you should.

Having sex with anyone is awkward the first time. Like I mentioned before, it is hard getting to know someone's body. You have to understand the rise and fall of their body. Don't make it hard if he has never topped, take your time, build your own relationship. You never know, it might be the hottest sex you will ever have!

An Official "Proper" Date: The Date, the Wine, the Best Friend

Post hook-up, semi-quasi first date, and two weeks later, there we are sitting in his car, listening to Depeche Mode filling up for gas. Little did he know my musical taste goes past the Britney Spears and Lady Gaga facade I put on. Note to self: Singing in the car is always fun, so have fun, it might make him smile and think you are some what normal.

We decided that we would go on an official "proper" date. He asked me out and said he would plan it. Yes people it is quite that easy! If you like a guy, ask him out, plan a day, a good ol' fashioned date. We drove down the winding PCH road leading from Huntington Beach over to Laguna Beach. Sorry, LC was not available for a shameless plug, oh wait her show is no longer on, along with her clothing line. I digress. We drove into the main part of Laguna Beach. The weather was beautiful, the sun was out, and Laguna Canyon Winery was closed. He had planned to do wine tasting, but unbeknownst to him the place we were looking for wasn't there, or so we thought. We drove down a bit more to the other location right across from the Laguna Beach Playhouse. There we found out that we just didn't look hard enough. We are men, gay men, we don't ask for directions. We have gaydar, we know EVERYTHING!

We did a wine tasting, chatted some more, asked the important questions. Do you like seafood? My answer, "I don't like any type of fish in my mouth." He learned that I love to read Jim Morrison's poetry, while sitting in the bath tub smoking a cigar. I learned he is family oriented, loves Burberry, and his favorite musical is Les Miserables. The date was going perfect. He is sincere, honest, and fun. After some wine tasting we headed over to get some food at a nice little restaurant with a picket white fence called The Cottage. It all seemed surreal, the last time I was treated out to such a day was with my ex. Most guys I have dated previously thought staying in to see a movie and fucking afterward was a first date. Of course, I also hooked up with the guy I am dating previously...nothing follows a plan.

Honestly the day could have been spent out at the beach all day with him and it would have been fine. Then the phone call...his friend, best friend, is out and about and wants to know if we all want to get together. My date asks me if I want to...before I know it YES is coming out of my mouth.

Ok, to some, meeting friends is not a big deal. To me, it is. Especially meeting the best friend. That alone means a lot. The best friend can make or break you. Meeting the friend after the first official date, on the same night, MAJOR! I once introduced a guy, I thought I was seeing seriously, to my friends right after my ltr not realizing the Facebook repercussions. I was taking it slow this time. But, he was comfortable with me meeting his best friend.

Off we went to meet him at one of the local bars in Orange County, Tin Lizzie Saloon. It is funny, because I am not shy. I talk a lot. I talk for a living. Well, I also lie for one, but that's a whole other story. As soon, as I met the friend I clammed up. For the sake of not sounding stupid I figured to keep my answers minimal but still filled with my character so he didn't think I was bland. Thank goodness the music was up a bit and Britney Spears was drowning me out...along with the Stella I was having. We all decided at some point to head out to Long Beach that night. I needed more drinks to loosen up, STAT.

Bar hopping we went and then to a sex shop. Isn't that how your dates go? Sitting at one of the bars, the best friend excuses himself, my date turns around, and says he likes you.

Relief. I explained to him that I felt I was being rude and that normally I am not shy. He understood how much importance I put on meeting the best friend. Thank goodness. I thought I was just a crazy gay man on his own, like always.

Best friends mean a lot. Especially to gay men. Best friends, or the circle of friends we make, become a family. I am not talking about the friend who leaves you in the middle of the club to randomly hook up and leave you without a ride. The friends I am talking about are the ones who are there for you when a family member passes away (even a canine family member), when you lose your job, when your relationship is coming to an end, when the guy you allowed to come into your life rips your heart out and leaves you helpless/hopeless without a way to love again.

No wonder I place so much importance on best friends and what they think.  They are looking after our best interests.

This is to all the best friends out there, most importantly my best friend Bryan. The sweetest gentle lion. My Eeyore.

Love 1.0.4: The Hook-Up as the Precursor to the Date

Far-fetched, yes. Slutty, maybe. Whore, never. As I stared at the glowing screen of my phone, there it was, room 822, Marriot Hotel. Previously, I had already invited myself over, but then the doubt settled in. What would he think about me? Would he believe that it is this easy, and that I do this all the time. Will he be able to take me seriously afterwards? We had made plans to go on a date/meet up the following day, but after playful banter via text, I said why not? Why not go over? After debating with myself, which happens a lot, I went.

There I was standing in front of his hotel room. Waiting, anticipating...he better not have lied about his stats and pictures. The door cracks open, and it's him. Standing there, in his maroon Burberry polo, navy blue shorts, and beautiful hazel eyes, it's the guy in the picture. Perfect, because I didn't have an escape plan. There was no call back phone number I could hit that would call me and tell me something happened to my dear great aunt. I had just got into town from work, so my outfit was semi-planned. Thank goodness I carry a toothbrush to work! We sat there talking about our jobs, what we like and dislike, and that he was previously married to a woman and had just come out 5 years ago. What did I get myself into? There was no flashing neon sign saying STAY AWAY!

After a few minutes of probing (no sex toys involved), we ended up in the bath tub, prepping for a massage that was promised. The night continued with the massage and more cuddling. I can continue to tell you the story, but as gay men, you have already made up the rest of it by the time I said hook-up in the title.

It was a great evening until the alarm went off at 5:30AM. That's when we woke up, I turned around saw his face in the morning light...fuck, I like him!

This was just supposed to be sex. Nothing more, nothing less. But it happened... I liked him. Good thing we still had a date planned, this would be the true test. After he got off of work I picked him up and drove us to Yard House. Great food, good beer, and the hockey game was on. He loves the Ducks. In between pauses and call outs in the game, we conversed a bit more. In the back of my head was, he just wants to have sex again. Or, he didn't want to be there, especially after already getting what he wanted. Then he says, "I didn't think it would be us having sex before the date." What a relief, we were both on the same page thinking about it.

Why were we both beating ourselves up over this idea, this concept? There is nothing wrong with meeting up for sex first and then something coming out of it. If anything, it gets sex out of the way! We both had checked out the goods, got a taste, and saw what we were investing in. There was no hiding it now. Physical attraction is a big part of any relationship.

Relationship. That is the big R-word that comes into question after a hook-up. We both talked about it. The fact is that if anything did ensue afterwards we both had to explain how we met and where to friends, and inquiring minds always want to know. That was the more embarrassing part. We didn't want our hook-up, our need for sex, to cheapen what could be if it happened. People have ideas, people judge...fuck we were judging ourselves.

Two weeks later, post self-judgement, we have gone out almost every other night. From hook-up, to dating, to....

Round 1: The Men vs. the boys

Ageism. One word, one community consumed with youth and beauty. Who you like to date is obviously a preference; but how much of it is formulated by our own community and group of friends? I like to date older guys, of course that can mean many things. The oldest I have gone was 14 years older than me, and that was the previous 9-year relationship. Contrary to everyone's beliefs and assumed assumptions of why younger guys date older men, this was not a sugar daddy relationship. I repeat, this was NOT a sugar daddy relationship.

We met online, fell in love, moved in together. His personality is what drove me to him. Some people might say that I haven't dated enough guys my own age or younger to see the potential in them. Wrong. Ok, don't get me wrong, maybe he is out there, if he is, well I haven't met him. If he is reading this, you know how to reach me! This is where we begin to separate the men from the boys. People ask if there is a difference between dating Men and just guys/lower-case men/boys. Yes!

Men don't hide their true feelings. If they like you, they say it. They don't change their mind months down the road and then leave you. They don't say I love you if they don't mean it. Currently, I am dating someone who is 40 years old. A few days ago he told me that he enjoys spending time with me and that he really likes me. He shows it. He says it. There is no pretense. After he said that, I told him, it is refreshing and nice to hear someone say that.

The boys well say yeah I like you. They make you work for it. To them it is something that has to be proven, earned, and then tried on for size. Hun, this isn't Nordstroms, where you can return my used love/like/fuck. They tell it to you, but you hear from them very randomly. A text comes through, hi how are you? Nothing else. One worded, short, leaving you confused and wondering if they meant it.

Men don't pressure you or give you a hard time because you don't want to have sex/fuck. There you are after dinner and drinks, beautiful conversation, likes and dislikes, and he takes you home. Sitting on the couch having a glass of wine talking some more, his hands glide over your Burberry polo, down your Diesel jeans. Sure, you get a rise, but you know you don't want to have sex. You say not right now. He says, "That's fine, besides I can stay here all night cuddling and talking and getting to know you." Perfect!

Boys meet you at a bar, get you a little tipsy like a Ke$ha video, and say come back to my place. Ok, yes I can say no. And I do, then they say, don't worry we don't have to have sex. We can watch a movie, unwind, talk more, and cuddle. Perfect. Wrong...one minute in and his hand is moving down your Ginch Gonch barely there underwear, and he whispers let me fuck you. You say no (well I do, sometimes, circumstantially) and he continues to tell you that you will love it. When a guy says no, he means no.

Men will call you. They want to converse.

Boys will text you. They want to choose when to answer you back.

Like the seasons, people can change, grow, or sometimes become immature. The verdict is still out to figure out who will win...we shall see. The Men vs. the boys, Round 1 is up.

Dirty Mouth, Dirty Talk: Sex talk, do you like it like that?

"Tell me how you like it."
"Oh yeah, you like riding my cock."
"Do you like how it feels in your hand."
"Yeah baby, it feels good, your cock, in my hand, in my [fill in your own blank]..."

Wow, I might have came just a little in my pants. This might be the most explicit piece I have yet to write. Dirty, raunchy, not the Christina Aguilera song, sex talk. Yes, dirty talk in the bedroom (for others sometimes anywhere will do). We have all participated in it, willingly or not. Sometimes they start moaning and groaning, as they let out a yes, yes, yes, oh yes. Mild, I know. The truth is, you were there and whether you choose to talk back, they were a go! Lights, camera, action baby, tell me how you like it!

Lately, I have been dating a guy, who I met online. He is a nice guy, put together, good job, car, a place of his own, a definite catch! Guys and gals get your popcorn because the show is about to start. We went back to his place after our first date, with no real intentions of having sex. We just wanted to make out. Making out is definitely always HOT. I look forward to a make out sesh with a good kisser! As we laid there kissing, I believe the alcohol came on, because before we both knew it we were naked and he was telling me how he liked my cock in his hands. Followed up by, "Yeah you like pleasing daddy?" Interestingly enough though, he chatted more in the bedroom, then on our date.

We continued with the witty sex banter until we both climaxed and rolled over to sleep. 2AM comes around and the kissing starts up again. This time I mount him. The dirty talk starts revving up as we are both winding down from the alcohol. This time I am more aware of what I am saying, but I throw caution to the wind, and let my inner dirty boy come out.

In the past I strayed away from dirty talk. Only because it made me laugh. It never sounded real to me. Instead it was like being in a porn movie, and I didn't have my script. This time, I admit, it was a little different. I found myself going for it, without a giggle or a blush. Maybe it was the fact that he has a dominating personality and when he says it, it comes out and I believe it. It's the whole package.

My friend often kids with me about being a prude or a little to conservative with my sexual proclivities. But, isn't it those type of people who are typically a freak in the sheets? I am not tooting my own horn, but when I am into someone, trust me I give it  my ALL. Now, I don't know what to expect from Mr. Dirty Mouth in the long run, but I do know what/who will be coming when the lights are off and we are in between the sheets, "Yes daddy, I like it like that!"

 Do you like talking dirty during sex?

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the Tops and Bottoms of Dating: Part 6

1. I said it before, I will say it again, don't ever talk about the ex on the first date.

2. Crying, screaming children, cholos, vatos, b-boys, familias...next time pick somewhere to have a date that doesn't include this clientele.

3. Cheek kisses are always welcome on a first date. It's cute. They are fun. They remind me of being a kid and when you kissed a girl on the cheek then ran away all giddy. Young Love.

4. If you pick up the guy to go on a date, always have a play list ready on your Ipod. He will more than likely ask what kind of music you like. Hit play, listen, and enjoy.

5. Lady Gaga, Katy Perry, Britney Spears, should NOT be on the playlist.

6. Use a cold rainy day to have a stay-at-home date. Light the fire, watch a movie, or listen to music, while you chat and learn about yourselves over a glass of wine.

7. Get a good bottle of wine! Google it, read up on it, that way you sound informed, smart, and damn it like you know your wine. Gay men love wine connoisseurs...and musicians.

8. Be careful of guys who read your blog/Livejournal/Tumblr/Buzznet etc, they might be dating you because they want to be a post in your blog.

9. Don't date people who are your readers/follower of your blog.

10. Wine and a movie are the new first date.

Love 1.0.2: Redefining the Relationship

It is hard to write about this idea without falling into stereotypes, ideologies, Truths (capital T), gender/sexuality identities. It's a fuck cluster of contradictions and reifications. Tradition seems to be a hold fast, and as a gay man/community, we try to define ourselves as normal or to the normal. After all, we are all striving for the same, so better to leave gender/sexuality out, right? But, by all means, we live in a label socialized world. Even within our own community we push our own propaganda/agenda. Be it, gender, sex, physical ability, beauty, money, the list goes on. Exactly how does relationship and the idea of what it is play in this? Explore the idea with me...

As a gay man, I have the ability to decorate the idea of traditional relationship in my own terms. We can create the rules, we can create our own normalcy, in whatever terms we so desire. The open relationship, polyamory, 3somes, NSA.... Yes these are the extremes of the idea. In essence they are relationships. Relationships that are formed by two consenting people. But exactly why do we/they do it? Are we/they searching or trying to satisfy the other person in the relationship? Sometimes I feel like people do it to save their relationship or their need to not fully commit to something. Of course this is all inference.

A few weeks back I was discussing this with my friend (because he casually meets up with someone who has an open relationship). Insert pun here, what gay man isn't in an open relationship or open to the idea of it. We explored the idea that maybe because gay men in general aren't allowed, by popular idea, to have a normal relationship, we/they tend to do whatever they so desire. It is a shocker, even to some gay men, when they find out someone has been in a relationship for more than 2 years, monogamously. We search for the flaw, the rules, or exceptions. So it never comes as a shocker if they do choose those ideas, because it has become the default answer in mind.

The other side point is that these two people decided this is what works best for them and their relationship. After all, who are we to say what a relationship is. The only relationship that is every really right is the one that we and the other person are comfortable with. You decide the rules and if they are right for you. You decide to take the relationship where you want to go. Just remember that honesty must and should always be present. Don't allow yourself to do something you would never do. Don't cut off all your ideas of what a relationship is to you. You should be happy in it too!

Some other topics are, when is the right time to have sex? Should we kiss on the first date? How much should we compromise to make a relationship work? Is it alright for me to have my own set of friends and go out with them, alone? Can he? Can I text while we are out together? When is it alright to say I love you? When is the should-we-become-boyfriends talk appropriate? Is it ever?

Fuck, so many questions, so many ideas. I can give you advice, you can ask your friends, truth is, only YOU know what is right for you. Only you know what rules and how you want to define a relationship is. You have to make your own mistakes to figure that out....

Fuck! How did people do it before the Internet?

Love at the Dinner Table, Divorced at the Parking Lot

It 'twas the night before Christmas and all through the [Yard] House, all the bartenders were stirring...even the mouse. Ok, I lost it at the end. Go figure. My friends and I decided to get together before the holidays to have dinner, drinks, and gossip. Hey, what else do we need, a boy has to watch his figure. There we were all dressed up and ready to eat. One of my friends, invited his coworkers, one of them apparently gay and single. He told me, that I would like him, he is young, cute, and white...cause I like white guys.

After a few drinks, the aforesaid cute white boy shows up. Our eyes locked, we said hello, exchanged names. He was adorable. Plaid shirt, skinny jeans, my indie alt boy dream come true. This must be what Katy Perry was singing about. There he sat, right across from me. We chatted amongst the group and got to know each other through simple questions. He loves music, so do I. He loves to cuddle, so do I. He wants something more than just sex, so do I. It was love already at first sight/chat. He smiled, he laughed at my dumb humor. He got me. Plus, it didn't hurt that he is a DJ! Cute!

Then the dilemma reared it's ugly head. Apparently while in the bathroom with my friend, I found out the guy showed some interest in my friend. You know what we say around here, don't date/fuck in company waters. So my friend continued to press the idea that the guy liked me. So I asked, what I should of probably not asked and have already known to stay away from, "is it alright if I get his number." My friend said yeah it's cool, he obviously likes you. Going against my better judgement, I went back to the booth and slid right next to the guy. Note to self: If your friend says it is alright, it really isn't, especially when it comes to a guy.

It was cute. Our eyes met face to face, he got all shy. We talked about our favorite bands and the music scene. I swear I heard, Hearts on Fire, by Cut Copy come on. I bought him a drink. He was gushing that someone bought him a drink. He said most guys make him pay for everything. Too cute.

So there we were enjoying our presence when all of a sudden he wrapped his arm around mine. We were holding hands. That was it, it was love. He wanted to be close to me. In our minds the wedding was planned and done. He might as well have called me babe. We tried to enjoy the time together, like love at a club.

The night was coming to an end and we all started saying our goodbyes. I ended up getting the guy's number. We walked out together hand in hand, and then under the clear night sky, with my ex and best friend walking behind me, we kissed. His lips were soft and sweet. It was perfect.

Two weeks later...we have yet to text.

The (Mis)Adventures of Gay Online Dating

Remember the days when we use to write letters, fold them into hearts, and have them hand delivered by our friends to the person we were crushing on (mind you we had to keep some air of mystery). Or, the time we didn't dare ask that person for their number so instead we used a mutual friend to get it from, so we could ask that person out. To think we thought dating was hard back before computers, email addresses, and internet dating sites. Everything is at our disposal now, and dating is STILL something we find hard to do.

The thing is I don't think dating is hard to do (if you know the rules), it's knowing where to start. Especially for a gay man. In this era of Iphones, Androids, Blackberry's, Adam4adam, Manhunt, ManCrunch, Grindr, Match.com, and well you get the idea. There is so much. You think it would be easy. But, where are all the serious men? Not the ones that go online, say "I'm bored and horny, lets fuck." PS, that isn't a date, it's a hook-up/fuck-date (sometimes).

I know what you are thinking most of these sites aren't really online dating. It is a yes and no, I think. You definitely have to search through a lot of men to find the one who wants to date and build a relationship. The same thing can be said about dating in general, even if it isn't done online. Of course  I thought I found that online and three months later the heart monger ate my heart. Now, he is back online, this time looking for fun. I digress...yes these sites are a hit and miss. They typically ALWAYS lead to a hook-up or someone telling you that you don't fit one of their 100 rules and regulations of who they can and won't date. I have standards, yes, but a requirement of 5'9" and 7" thick, uncut dick, is not necessary to ride this ride.

Online dating is crazy, even on the most serious sites. You still see the same people, with the same shit worded differently. Still, some how, people manage to get a cock picture up. Only this time around you have to pay for the site (because it is a serious/real dating site) to see their cock. Does that not make it prostitution? The other scary part of online dating, is getting what you see. Sure people can fancy up their profiles, place some pictures (sometimes pictures of them 10 years younger), lie about their age, and I am sure the list can go on. You can't assure the person you are talking is the real person. What if it's a chick? OMG, you are straight! There is no real safe haven for men who want to meet men and build something more than NSA. If there is, please point me in the right direction.

Lo' and behold (yeah I said it, and please read it in the most cliche voice ever), there is a site called Gay Shark Tank! As I began my adventures of dating, I set up a Twitter account. Note to self, plenty of single men on Twitter. I found Gay Shark Tank on there and was intrigued by their short bio. It was honest, simple, and to the point. A place where men can meet, without taking their clothes off, and build a friendship or date. The site works with people logging on and video chatting. That's right, you can't post some phony pic or have a cock shot! It is YOU baby...ALL OF YOU! Besides isn't that the person we should really be meeting. Now don't get this confused with Manroulette, where you get naked and well jizz all over your keyboard. This is a site where you are forced to see each other in your everyday attire, everyday look, and take it for what it is. Hey get dolled up if you want, just be YOU! It is a fun site and definitely think it will open up a new venue for gay online dating. Now lets just pull those pants up, throw on a t-shirt (yes your muscles look amazing) and get to chatting!

Hmmm...I wonder who is in the tank now! Bite and reel!

the Tops and Bottoms of Dating: Part 5

1. Don't call me babe after one date or just after chatting me up. I am not your baby. Ok babe/babes/hun/love/dear. xo

2. Never share how many men you slept with, even if he asks you and says he isn’t bothered by such information. LIES. They are! Instead be a gentleman and direct the conversation towards something else, like, where is the seediest place you have had sex.

3. Have a list of conversation starters in your head, and always stay up on current events. It will kill the silent awkward moments during a date. Or beware the rant, that’s when everything comes out and you don’t want that to happen...just yet.

4. Wear cute underwear, you never know where the night may take you (especially after sexy intellectual talk). Hopefully not taking off your clothes at your local gay bar/club!

5. Don’t drink too much on the first date, it can/will make you look sloppy. Hold it together! Breathe, and just be you, if all else fails only have ONE shot of tequila to help loosen you up.

6. NEVER bring up the ex in conversation on the first date. It can make you look crazy. Instead wait until a month, and use it to explain why you are damaged and cannot attach yourself to anyone, which is why you are emotionally unavailable.

7. Always make sure to carry gum, breath mints, or binaca mouth spray. You don’t want to kill your date after eating something with onion in it.

8. Always have the salad when on a date. It will minimize the above.

9. If and only if you do plan on getting lucky on the first date (slut/whore/free-spirit; I am not judging), and you are a bottom, do the top a favor and clean. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!

10. INVEST in an enema/anal douching kit.

the Tops and Bottoms of Dating: Part 4

1. If you are going to date more than one person, please make sure to keep everyone and everything you said straight. That way you don't get yourself in trouble. Hopefully he does the same, and doesn't call you by someone else's name.

2. Always go dutch on dates. It shows that you are independent and/or have a job.

3. Dating and meeting new people is awkward to begin with. It’s like having sex for the first time with someone new. For some gay men this happens all at once. Awkward.

4. When you are no longer interested in someone, or don't see it going anywhere, YOU must let them know. Don't be a heartless monster and lead them on. Don't say I love you amidst a drunken stupor.

5. NEVER fish/rim/sex/bj in company waters. Instead wait until they get fired or if they are seasonal, talk to your store manager to find out if he will be kept or let go. Once let go, then proceed to ask him out. In the meantime he must remain a Man Crush.

6. It is alright to break dating rules, this is why man created the delete button and erasers...permanent markers work best.

7. If you or a guy makes a mixtape for the other, it means something. Mixtapes are the old/new I love you. Retro is always in!

8. It is alright if you and a guy have not had sex after the 4th or so date. It means he likes you and respects you. So stop thinking you are ugly, fat, or weird. He is courting you. Chivalry isn't dead just the word.

9. Don't text, Grindr, Radar, or have your phone to your face while on a date. He might think you are uninterested...fact is you probably are.

10. Skype-ing a guy is the new long distance dating/relationship. You can get dirty and sexy with him and then turn him off when you don't want to talk or see him anymore. It's kind of perfect!

The Ex-Sex Factor

Yeah, I am bringing it up! Sex with the ex. The ex-sex factor. Is it ever alright to have sex with your ex? Or, is it something you should completely stay away from, after all you did break up for a good (questionable) reason. According to my 3-month stint, "hell yeah it is alright." He said he had done it, but that he felt selfish for doing it, while at the same time feeling like he was taking advantage of his ex. So then why do it? Is it because it might be an assured good fuck?

Having sex with the ex might complicate things, right? Unless, you set up rules to maintain the ex as an ex. Are we talking about NSA sex? The most common relationship (for the lack of a better name) found on Adam4Adam, Gay.com, and Manhunt. I think we are!

But still it's your ex...the problem continues. I am not going to lie, I have done it. I am guilty of the guiltiest pleasures, sex with my ex. Don't judge me!

I like to think the reason some of us have sex with the ex is purely physical reasons. He knows my body, he knows what it takes to make me come. Not cum...come damn it! Lets be adults here. My ex, knows that he shouldn't tickle me, that my left side of the neck will get me to do anything. Stop taking notes...you are not hopping into bed with me...EMAIL ME!

I digress. So yes sex with the ex might be great, but it is temporary. Plus, it stops us from allowing ourselves to allow someone else to enjoy us. Right? Shouldn't we be out there, dating/hanging out and allowing someone to learn our bodies, our mind, those inner workings that make us, us?

Think about it. Having sex with the ex does not allow us to move on from ourselves and what we had with this other person, even sexually. Unless you are void of all emotion and thought, then I guess you can do it all, but then again it is completely physical. Or maybe you are my 3-month ex and are a heartless monster who eats hearts and spits them out on the ground. Once, again I digress...be honest to yourself and what you want!

Honesty to you and the person(s) you are with. If you don't want something more than just sex, then say and it's alright. Now go...have fun, hey have sex with the ex, just wear a condom!