Round 1: The Men vs. the boys

Ageism. One word, one community consumed with youth and beauty. Who you like to date is obviously a preference; but how much of it is formulated by our own community and group of friends? I like to date older guys, of course that can mean many things. The oldest I have gone was 14 years older than me, and that was the previous 9-year relationship. Contrary to everyone's beliefs and assumed assumptions of why younger guys date older men, this was not a sugar daddy relationship. I repeat, this was NOT a sugar daddy relationship.

We met online, fell in love, moved in together. His personality is what drove me to him. Some people might say that I haven't dated enough guys my own age or younger to see the potential in them. Wrong. Ok, don't get me wrong, maybe he is out there, if he is, well I haven't met him. If he is reading this, you know how to reach me! This is where we begin to separate the men from the boys. People ask if there is a difference between dating Men and just guys/lower-case men/boys. Yes!

Men don't hide their true feelings. If they like you, they say it. They don't change their mind months down the road and then leave you. They don't say I love you if they don't mean it. Currently, I am dating someone who is 40 years old. A few days ago he told me that he enjoys spending time with me and that he really likes me. He shows it. He says it. There is no pretense. After he said that, I told him, it is refreshing and nice to hear someone say that.

The boys well say yeah I like you. They make you work for it. To them it is something that has to be proven, earned, and then tried on for size. Hun, this isn't Nordstroms, where you can return my used love/like/fuck. They tell it to you, but you hear from them very randomly. A text comes through, hi how are you? Nothing else. One worded, short, leaving you confused and wondering if they meant it.

Men don't pressure you or give you a hard time because you don't want to have sex/fuck. There you are after dinner and drinks, beautiful conversation, likes and dislikes, and he takes you home. Sitting on the couch having a glass of wine talking some more, his hands glide over your Burberry polo, down your Diesel jeans. Sure, you get a rise, but you know you don't want to have sex. You say not right now. He says, "That's fine, besides I can stay here all night cuddling and talking and getting to know you." Perfect!

Boys meet you at a bar, get you a little tipsy like a Ke$ha video, and say come back to my place. Ok, yes I can say no. And I do, then they say, don't worry we don't have to have sex. We can watch a movie, unwind, talk more, and cuddle. Perfect. Wrong...one minute in and his hand is moving down your Ginch Gonch barely there underwear, and he whispers let me fuck you. You say no (well I do, sometimes, circumstantially) and he continues to tell you that you will love it. When a guy says no, he means no.

Men will call you. They want to converse.

Boys will text you. They want to choose when to answer you back.

Like the seasons, people can change, grow, or sometimes become immature. The verdict is still out to figure out who will win...we shall see. The Men vs. the boys, Round 1 is up.

I Do or I Don't: The Same-Sex Marriage Debate

There we were, standing in the middle of a crowd at night, but it felt like it was just the two of us. He held me close from behind as we watched the fireworks sparkle across the sky...I held my breath, anticipating the big boom. As the show came to its height, when all the fireworks climax, released to show their splendor, there he takes my hand, and slides a silver band with four diamonds. Breath released.

He didn't get on one knee, he didn't have to. He didn't ask will you marry me. He didn't need to. With our eyes, we both mutually agreed that we wanted to be together...partnered...married.

Since then, marriage has been one of the most heated debate in news, everyday lives, and the U.S. Should two people of the same sex be allowed to marry? Allowed...what a bunch of bull shit! We are human, last time I checked marriage is between two people who care about themselves and are trying to protect what they have together. Allowed...when did I ask permission?

Now I understand my blog is about dating, and some people may think that I am a lost individual in need of some desperate help. That is neither here nor there. I still believe if two people want to be married they should.

What I question is the reason to why I want to do it. To me, marriage is a spiritual bonding along with the piece of paper that says my partner and I are entitled to the very same rights my heterosexual counterparts have. Spiritual, yes!

I am not saying that the Church/Doctrine/Pope/religion has to sanctify what I have, to me it is much more than that. It is a ceremony to me...I remind you I grew up Catholic. In these days that can also mean nothing. I grew up in a very liberal Catholic home where I was raised by two lesbian "aunts" for a good portion of my prepubescent life. But, I still hold to the idea that a marriage is a spiritual tie and bonding and sometimes you want to share that with your family, friends, loved ones, and if you believe in so...a higher power.

But then again, the fight for marriage isn't about that, it's about rights. The right to see my partner in the hospital if something was to happen. The right to 50/50 separation of the assets. The right to the same tax breaks. The legitimate right to file as a couple. (Don't worry, I am not running away from the couple or boyfriend idea).

With my ex-boyfriend/partner I always felt we had those rights. Or, so I thought. I never once had to deal with negativity or backlash for our relationship. I remember once he had to be admitted because he was dehydrated and a week had passed, and he almost collapsed. I rushed him to the ER and the nurse took him to the back to situate him, then came out and said for me to come to the back to be with him.

Filing taxes together was also never an option, not because we couldn't, because we could, but it would affect my status as a school student. He apparently made too much money.

To me a marriage always fell into the spiritual side, only slightly buttered with the legislative/judicial rulings of rights. Conflict arises within me because of this conundrum. In one point, I feel like I am betraying my community (word used loosely) and what it is fighting for, while on the other hand I feel like I should continue to design what I believe is right for myself. I know that no matter what, marriage to me will never be simply a piece of paper legitimizing what I have with someone; what I want is on a different level, that doesn't have to be legislated.