Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Round 1: The Men vs. the boys

Ageism. One word, one community consumed with youth and beauty. Who you like to date is obviously a preference; but how much of it is formulated by our own community and group of friends? I like to date older guys, of course that can mean many things. The oldest I have gone was 14 years older than me, and that was the previous 9-year relationship. Contrary to everyone's beliefs and assumed assumptions of why younger guys date older men, this was not a sugar daddy relationship. I repeat, this was NOT a sugar daddy relationship.

We met online, fell in love, moved in together. His personality is what drove me to him. Some people might say that I haven't dated enough guys my own age or younger to see the potential in them. Wrong. Ok, don't get me wrong, maybe he is out there, if he is, well I haven't met him. If he is reading this, you know how to reach me! This is where we begin to separate the men from the boys. People ask if there is a difference between dating Men and just guys/lower-case men/boys. Yes!

Men don't hide their true feelings. If they like you, they say it. They don't change their mind months down the road and then leave you. They don't say I love you if they don't mean it. Currently, I am dating someone who is 40 years old. A few days ago he told me that he enjoys spending time with me and that he really likes me. He shows it. He says it. There is no pretense. After he said that, I told him, it is refreshing and nice to hear someone say that.

The boys well say yeah I like you. They make you work for it. To them it is something that has to be proven, earned, and then tried on for size. Hun, this isn't Nordstroms, where you can return my used love/like/fuck. They tell it to you, but you hear from them very randomly. A text comes through, hi how are you? Nothing else. One worded, short, leaving you confused and wondering if they meant it.

Men don't pressure you or give you a hard time because you don't want to have sex/fuck. There you are after dinner and drinks, beautiful conversation, likes and dislikes, and he takes you home. Sitting on the couch having a glass of wine talking some more, his hands glide over your Burberry polo, down your Diesel jeans. Sure, you get a rise, but you know you don't want to have sex. You say not right now. He says, "That's fine, besides I can stay here all night cuddling and talking and getting to know you." Perfect!

Boys meet you at a bar, get you a little tipsy like a Ke$ha video, and say come back to my place. Ok, yes I can say no. And I do, then they say, don't worry we don't have to have sex. We can watch a movie, unwind, talk more, and cuddle. Perfect. Wrong...one minute in and his hand is moving down your Ginch Gonch barely there underwear, and he whispers let me fuck you. You say no (well I do, sometimes, circumstantially) and he continues to tell you that you will love it. When a guy says no, he means no.

Men will call you. They want to converse.

Boys will text you. They want to choose when to answer you back.

Like the seasons, people can change, grow, or sometimes become immature. The verdict is still out to figure out who will win...we shall see. The Men vs. the boys, Round 1 is up.


  1. Well it looks like the Men are winning in your tally. I wonder how the men keep score? Or is that being ageist?

  2. Yeah they are winning. I don't know how do men keep score...better yet, they probably don't.

  3. "Like the seasons, people can change, grow, or sometimes become immature."

    I would like to agree on this particular statement; when I was dating a gentlemen who was 5 years older, I was very inconsiderate and immature towards our relationship.

    Today, I am not the person I was. Well, besides being gay.

  4. Well people change. It's coming to the realization of who you are and what you want that is important. Once you figure that out, then you are ready for anything!

  5. you seem to flip flop like a fish out of water. how long until you get tired of the old guy cause he doesnt have the same sex drive as you? will he talk dirty to you like you raved about in an earlier post? old guys generally treat young guys like posessions. fuck that. waiting for the post where you dump gramps

  6. hardly a posession, but I know what you mean. We have been tainted to believe certain things about people, ages, races, etc etc etc. and hello, it's called Viagra, if needed! Thank man for medicine. But, when it comes to people I look for character, not a dick!

  7. There is so much truth in this post! I feel that age does not define who is a boy, and who is a man. Over the course of our friendship I have watched you change from the "boy" who would never answer the phone when I would call, to the man who I know I can count on to pick up the phone when I need you. There is a huge difference between being male, and being a man. We are not born men! If your lucky, you evolve into one.

    You know me, I wear my emotions on my sleeve. I can't hide them. Hell, I don't wan't to hide them! I don't know if that makes me a boy or a man, I think it just makes me Bryan.

  8. I'm pretty sure that you once dated someone younger than you who was pretty up front with how he felt.

    Just throwing that out there that it's not always the older guys who tell it to you straight up. Give a young Man some cred.

  9. Since I don't have twitter I will respond here and tell you that even though I am French I will not put just anything into my mouth you rotten bitch! You should know that, haha