Friday, December 17, 2010

The (Non)Blame Game: "It is what it is"

The most used saying this year is, "It is what it is." It is the new fetch! You almost know when it is coming up in conversation and it is always followed after the person feels bad for what they did, if they have a heart,to explain a situation that was inevitable, or for what is about to happen. Leaving you to think, if it was, then why did it occur. Oh wait, you aren't supposed to over analyze the situation, after all the saying also implies that what is being explained is meant to be kept simple and not too much thought should be placed on the aforesaid situation...fuck it! Over analyze away, you know you and I will.

It is what it is, allows a person to not take fault for what happened. It allows the situation to be natural...hence inevitable. It is the no-pointing finger phrase. When these words are vomited out, it is a blanket phrase that allows everyone to partake in the blame or in some cases non-blame.

One of my ex's (if you are reading this, get over yourself!) used the phrase quite a lot to dismiss his behavior and our break-up. But it wasn't just him, it was also a few gay men who I knew. Fuck, it JUST isn't gay men, this is an every person thing. If you didn't want to do something or if you knew what you did wasn't alright, then why do it and then dismiss it as, it is what it is. Because it isn't!

You made the choice knowing that you might hurt someone else, even yourself, in the process. Some situations where a man will use this overly-said phrase are: leaving you, his date, at a club for another guy. Hey it is what it is. Saying I love you, then retracting it later, because he is confused. Oh, it is what it is. Miley Cyrus smoking pot, correction salvia, because she has a hard life. It is what it is. (Making sure you are awake) Having sex on the first date and realizing sexually you two can never be. That's right, it is what it is.

No matter how fucked up the situation, even if it is something so minute, it still ISN'T WHAT IT IS. Oh, I know what you are thinking some situations do happen on their own, you do fall out of love, etc...understandable. But when breaking up with someone, fyi, don't use a trite phrase to end what you had. He deserves more than that. Especially if you are going to turn around and try to date his friends afterwards. You don't want to be the guy who is known for breaking up with cheesy lines.

WOW, epiphany, it is what it is IS the NEW, 'It's not you, it's me." But really no it still is you!

I say we kill, "It is what it is," and start 2011 in a new direction. So use the phrase as much as possible, because if you didn't know 2011 is around the corner. Then there is 2012, and we all know the world ends during that time, actual time frame is still questionable. But really, let us start being honest to ourselves and others and not be scared to take responsibility for our own actions. Besides honesty makes you more sexy, it makes you a better man...a SEXY GAY MAN. Where do I sign up for one of those?

Oh, and if you feel this was about you, this isn't a Carly Simon song, it is about YOU. It is EXACTLY what it is!


  1. I'm completely guilty for overusing this phrase. Every time something doesn't go as planned - it is what it is. Nothing more, nothing less. It was a unfortunate situation for us both and what can you do? argue, fight, cry? no thank you.

    It does save you from over extended explanations, I must say. When it works it's an overwhelming feeling of relief it almost makes you smile.

    So now what do I say? C'est la vie!? But wasn't that overused a few decades back? Let's bring it back, I say.


  2. How about one that my parents used to tell me? "Tough Shit" more to come later...


  3. That's life, that's what all the people say.
    You're riding high in April,
    Shot down in May
    But I know I'm gonna change that tune,
    When I'm back on top, back on top in June.

    I said that's life, and as funny as it may seem
    Some people get their kicks,
    Stompin' on a dream
    But I don't let it, let it get me down,
    'Cause this fine ol' world it keeps spinning around

    I've been a puppet, a pauper, a pirate,
    A poet, a pawn and a king.
    I've been up and down and over and out
    And I know one thing:
    Each time I find myself, flat on my face,
    I pick myself up and get back in the race.

    That's life
    I tell ya, I can't deny it,
    I thought of quitting baby,
    But my heart just ain't gonna buy it.
    And if I didn't think it was worth one single try,
    I'd jump right on a big bird and then I'd fly

    I've been a puppet, a pauper, a pirate,
    A poet, a pawn and a king.
    I've been up and down and over and out
    And I know one thing:
    Each time I find myself laying flat on my face,
    I just pick myself up and get back in the race

    That's life
    That's life and I can't deny it
    Many times I thought of cutting out
    But my heart won't buy it
    But if there's nothing shakin' come this here july
    I'm gonna roll myself up in a big ball and die
    My, My

  4. I just pictured Topo Gigio singing "Singing in the Rain"

    Don't Ask.