Wednesday, February 2, 2011

The 9AM Boyfriend Wake-Up Call


So you have been dating someone for awhile, and before you know it you are talking about the boyfriend/girlfriend label. I know it is the logical order of dating. You meet, have some tea together, discuss popular culture and how Lady Gaga has infiltrated our daily lives and how Obama is the Lady Gaga of the United States, and wham he asks if you want to be boyfriends. Now, frankly, that would be the ideal situation, but what about in the morning as you are waking up and your hair is a mess?

9AM, pomade still stuck in your hair, and there you are about to discuss the serious proposal of becoming boyfriends. Fuck, I already sound like I am opposed to the idea. I am not! I just think that bringing someone into my life right now isn't the best, and I believe becoming boyfriends would put me back at square one and cause me to change into that person again. That person that becomes so consumed with someone else that they lose track of who they were and are.

Before I knew it, that is what I said out loud. Yeah, my mouth can get me into trouble...most of the time. Mr. Pseudo-9AM-bf told me that I don't have to change myself and who I am. True, I don't. For the past few days though, I have been contemplating that adding that label would cause a change. After all becoming boyfriends adds another level, a depth to what we have at the moment. A depth that I most honestly am scared about.

Why so scared? I am a self-professed relationship monster. Since high school I have ALWAYS been in a relationship. I want to know how to function on my own, as a single person. There is no shame in being a single person. What is worse I don't know what it is I WANT to do with ME. I have so many ideas of my career goals, passions, loves...and if I can find someone to share them with me at the moment (without the boyfriend label) even better! It may not be fair to the other person, but I am not one to hide what I am looking for if asked about it. I am honest, maybe too honest. I would rather the person like me for me and ALL of me...and willing to understand that the boyfriend status isn't right for me...right now.

9:15AM, laying in bed, still half lucid...he is now pissed.

14 comments:

  1. My only advice is...If you think you want to be alone for a while then you should stop dating.

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  2. Well the ultimate goal of dating is to seek a relationship. Be clear that you are not interested in something serious right now. Don't lead him on, thats not fair. Obviously he wants something more than what you want at this point. If you enjoy interacting with him maybe the best thing to do is let him go seek a boyfriend and just remain friends. When you continue to flirt and do romantic things you lead him on, causing feelings to become more powerful. You don't want a boyfriend right now, your simply trying to fill the aching hole in your heart with something. Don't do to someone else what the last guy did to you. And stop with the monster talk already! You are just an emotional being like the rest of us! Calling yourself a monster makes it sound like there is a problem with having feelings and wanting to be with someone you love.

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  3. I guess I date for the social interaction. I know, I can just go out and chat with people...and I do. I don't mind seeing someone, I just don't need the boyfriend label at the moment. I think we are good where we are for the moment, and there is no need to progress into boyfriends that soon.

    He knows it, I know it...and we are good.

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  4. Its always good when everyone is good. He's good and knows that your good, your good and you know that he's good. All of which I think is good. So I think over all thats a good thing.

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  5. oh and I also don't think just because I want to be single I can't date. It just means I don't want a full blown relationship right now.

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  6. I would be gratified by belief that everything is good. Unfortunately, I share a contra opinion in matters of public thoughts.

    Though we are different individuals brought together by Universal forces, someone is going to get hurt. Regardless of your belief.

    With that, I leave you with this chilling question; What is your understanding of dating, when your ultimate goals are a priority?

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  7. It tends to be that way that someone gets hurt, but if we are both honest in the beginning I think the hurt can be assuaged or even become null. Dating can be anything to people, to me it means connecting with people, hopefully one, in a romantical sense. Yes, I would love the person to be involved with my life and want to see me succeed as I would them, but I don't need the bf status to do so. Dating has become so nuanced with pop culture, programs, and corporate holidays...I am trying to go back to the very nature of where love lies and is, through dating...maybe.

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  8. Boy, sounds like you are just being a little selfish. And I agree with Edward. Someone is going to get hurt.

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  9. he is being selfish, but at the same time not. he said the guy knows, and if that is so, the guy can choose to not be with him. I think it sucks that people have to pin themselves down into an idea of how things should be...you are in relationship, stop thinking about yourself. dumb.

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  10. Wow....I'm loving all of the anonymous posts! they are all spot on!! You don't go on a date to be single, and you don't have to change yourself when you get into a relationship. Wake up Mr. blogger.

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  11. I think I am awake. I am awake enough to realize how I become in a relationship...and to realize that I need to change that. I move at a fast pace, I guess I just want to find someone that moves at the same pace and wants so much more out of life than just what they have. I have been in a relationship where I was myself and I was told, "Hey you don't have to be that way, just slow down." I was in a 9 year relationship where I settled down completely, became comfortable, and lost sight of what I wanted to do with my life. I became the 'we.'

    I am just trying to figure it all out...that's where all of YOU come into play. I read the comments, I take them as advice, and constructive criticism...fuck my dating life has only spanned about 7 months.

    Pitfalls abound, and some will be caused by my own behavior, but at least I know that I am willing to change them, and I am honest and don't pretend to be otherwise. So I say, thanks...keep commenting! And just join in the conversation! xo

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  12. I think your next poll shouldn't be about going to the bathroom. I think it should be to ask your readers if they date to be single, or date to find love and a relationship. I think you probably are in the minority as far as your viewpoint on dating goes. And in this guys mind, I think he is convinced that he is going to get you to become his boyfriend. He is trying to convince you that things don't have to change, he just wants the status. He wants you to stop dating others, which judging by the content blog I assume you still are, right? Is this the guy that lives in some far off land? Whats the rush for him to want to be your boyfriend if he lives far away? Not being near one another takes all the joy out of it. Might as well have a penpal on another continent.

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  13. Hey Anonymi! Can't you at least use an initial so we can follow which one of you makes the most sense? Sorry, other than that, I don't have a comment on this post, although Anonymous #1 makes a good point.

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