Wednesday, February 2, 2011
The 9AM Boyfriend Wake-Up Call
So you have been dating someone for awhile, and before you know it you are talking about the boyfriend/girlfriend label. I know it is the logical order of dating. You meet, have some tea together, discuss popular culture and how Lady Gaga has infiltrated our daily lives and how Obama is the Lady Gaga of the United States, and wham he asks if you want to be boyfriends. Now, frankly, that would be the ideal situation, but what about in the morning as you are waking up and your hair is a mess?
9AM, pomade still stuck in your hair, and there you are about to discuss the serious proposal of becoming boyfriends. Fuck, I already sound like I am opposed to the idea. I am not! I just think that bringing someone into my life right now isn't the best, and I believe becoming boyfriends would put me back at square one and cause me to change into that person again. That person that becomes so consumed with someone else that they lose track of who they were and are.
Before I knew it, that is what I said out loud. Yeah, my mouth can get me into trouble...most of the time. Mr. Pseudo-9AM-bf told me that I don't have to change myself and who I am. True, I don't. For the past few days though, I have been contemplating that adding that label would cause a change. After all becoming boyfriends adds another level, a depth to what we have at the moment. A depth that I most honestly am scared about.
Why so scared? I am a self-professed relationship monster. Since high school I have ALWAYS been in a relationship. I want to know how to function on my own, as a single person. There is no shame in being a single person. What is worse I don't know what it is I WANT to do with ME. I have so many ideas of my career goals, passions, loves...and if I can find someone to share them with me at the moment (without the boyfriend label) even better! It may not be fair to the other person, but I am not one to hide what I am looking for if asked about it. I am honest, maybe too honest. I would rather the person like me for me and ALL of me...and willing to understand that the boyfriend status isn't right for me...right now.
9:15AM, laying in bed, still half lucid...he is now pissed.