Monday, January 3, 2011

Party Like It's 1999: My Coming Out Story

It was just another weekend at my house. My stereo was going, playing the latest house music. I love(d) my deep house. There I was getting ready, dancing, throwing on jeans and a button-up short sleeve, making sure my hair was perfect. Splashing my self with Polo Sport, hey it was the 90's! I smelled good, looked good, I was ready to party it up at Rage Thursdays, Varsity. Yeah, I just dated myself! It was where are all the 18+ year olds went at the time...definitely not like it is now.

There I was waiting for my friends to come by and pick me up; my poor little red Chevy Cavalier couldn't even make it around the corner. That's when I noticed my dad was pacing back and forth. He finally came to a stop, opened the already cracked bathroom door, and asked, "Mijo, can I ask you something?" I said of course...hey the man can ask me whatever he wants, he pays the bills. I swear it rolled out in the best slow motion, "Are you gay?" Caught off guard, wondering, is this my coming out? Is this how I envisioned me telling my family that I like to be with guys both sexually and emotionally? Shouldn't there be more drama, a dream sequence of the not-so-right moment over cutting the turkey on Thanksgiving? Yes, this was my moment, as slow as my dad said it, I spit out a fast YES!

There it was. It was said. It was out there, I couldn't take it back. I didn't want to. It was now a REALITY to him. It was a big deal to me, and as fast as I answered, my dad said, "Ok, I just wanted to know." My dad screwed me over on my coming out. Ok, not really, my dad isn't phased by a lot. I am actually very thankful that my dad was the most understanding Mexican man I have encountered. I am blessed to have the family I have and the values they have instilled in all of us. As fucked up as some people think I might be on here...but dating and family values are different things. I digress...

I went out that night and had fun with my friends. I had told them what happened. They were surprised my dad didn't kill me or kick me out. I was happy too. This whole time I had thought my dad would be disappointed in me. His straight-A kid, who graduated with High Honors, turning out to be gay. We already had a distant relationship, as long as I did good in school it was fine. No real love was ever shown between us. Not a hug, not an I love you. Of course that has changed since.

After my dad, I began to think. Fuck, he is going to tell my mom! How will she take it? Will she hate me? Will she hate that I told my father first? Luckily, my dad did not tell my mom. He told me that was for me to do. This was much easier said than done. It's not right, my dad made it easy coming out!

Before I decided to tell my mom, I needed a support group. I came out to a few family members and my aunt. My aunt helped raise us, my sister and I, while my mom and dad worked when we were younger. We were all a tight knit family, even to this day. My aunt thought that my mom would take it well and that I shouldn't think twice about it. She also said, "Deño, (what she always calls me) I already knew you were. It's not much of a surprise." Everyone had me figured out before I did. I love it!

A few days had passed. My mom was doing the laundry, and there I was sitting and eating lunch she prepared me. I love moms, they make the best food! I was watching Ricki Lake. The topic was my gay son. Perfect! My mom was sitting there after doing laundry with me while I ate. We watched intensely as  people told their stories...silent pause...I turn around, look at her facial expression. In a mousy voice I say, "Mom...what would you do if I was gay?" As if there was a was. She paused and then proceeded to ask me what I was trying to say. I told her, in the most dramatic way of course, "Mom I am gay." She began to cry. Fuck, the very thing I never wanted to make my mom do...cry.

It was 2 weeks later and my mom finally came around to talking to me. She was hurt that I thought I couldn't tell her. She was hurt that my father knew before her. She was hurt that my aunt knew. Note to self: go to mom first, FOR EVERYTHING!

Since then, my family has been there for me 100% in everything I do. My dad continues to want to know that I am alright, and that some guy isn't fucking me over. My mom wants to make sure that I find someone who will fulfill me, love me, and put up with my antics. They want me to have kids with someone and create a family. Yes, people my parents are the best!

Now I just need to find someone they can call son-in-law. The search continues...


  1. You don't know how lucky you are that it went down the way it did for you. 33 years old and I haven't found the courage to disappoint my family again. I'm not a straight A student, never was. Just another disappointment in a long line of them. And I don't have a shoulder to cry on when things go horribly wrong when that time comes either....

  2. From the title alone, i already knew i was going to like this one! and i loved it. yes, youre very lucky your parents are okay with you being gay. and most of all love you and not treat you any different after you told them! So far, Im slowly doing the same thing. and yes, so far so good...i hope! the next family member i tell or friends, ill have to grow some more balls! xoxo

  3. Coming out, no matter what is always going to hard. It is the full realization of who we are, or at least a part of us, is. It is formally announcing it to ourselves and accepting ourselves. Just remember to always be honest to who you are and those around you.

  4. Your lucky to have a very supportive and loving family.

  5. Are they supportive of this blog? Do your mom and dad read it? Do you think putting all this out there is something they would approve of? All of your posts seem to have a negative tone besides this one. You are lucky that things turned out the way they did as far as coming out goes, but every other post makes it sound like your personal life is spiraling out of control. You seem lost.

  6. Thanks for coming back! I love you xo. Maybe we should get lost together!