Wednesday, September 7, 2011
the Tops and Bottoms of Dating: Part 14, OKCupid.com Edt.
About three months ago, I decided that the dating world needed a little less of me. After all, the past year has taught me a lot, especially about myself...so I mulled it over, reorganized my brain, shifted my thinking, and now, OKCupid.com! My friend told me about it one day while he was answering questions for his profile, and told me, hey give it a shot. He knew that dating wasn't something I wanted to do right now, but it was a great way to meet local gay men without having to show off your cock in the first picture. Plus, it did all the weeding out for you, only showing you people who are compatible with your interests, likes, and dislikes. It rates people on a Match %, Friend %, and Enemy %. So, off I went, and clicked START.
25 questions is how the site starts, the more you answer the better the match. But where does one start with the site or any dating site? Here are a few rules to filling out a profile for dating, NOT for sex! Now before we begin, come up with a screen name for the site. I always find it easier to use some derivative of your real name, that way the guy can remember you.
1. After setting up your email, profile name (which typically is the hardest thing to do), and password, you upload a picture. The picture should always be clear and of your face. Guys, you might look amazing with your shirt off, but come on, pretend this is a head shot. Pick out something cute to wear. Remember the picture SHOULD ALWAYS be current. Don't post a picture of you when you were in highschool, or a scanned picture...who uses a scanner for pics anymore? Have at least 3 pictures of yourself...I suggest a face picture (don't make it look like a mug shot), a full shot of you, and then a fun one...it gives you character.
2. Stats: Height. Weight. Age, real age. Be honest, don't lie...remember if and when you are meeting the person, they will see you. Like, really see you. I understand that in this gay world we live in age, looks, weight, become a central part of being the gay man. The truth is, the gay man comes in different forms, so be the form you want to be, accept it, love it, and just be YOU!
3. Fill out the detailed portions of your profile. You know, those sections that ask you to summarize yourself, who you are, what you like, your hobbies, all the stuff that makes you, YOU. Use a lot of adjectives, such as, Hey guys, my name is Daniel. I am a great, honest, sincere guy who enjoys hanging out with his friends and making new ones. Three in one sentence...overload! Ok, you don't have to be that cheesy, but it gets the point across, and that is the point. Put it out there, make it honest, make it you. Remember, the more you fill out, the better your percentages go up...as well as visibility. Oh and guys don't write about who you DON'T want to contact you, what you hate/dislike, and NEVER right in text lingo. You know what I mean, gr8 vgl guy, str8 acting u b 2. We are not middle school girls! Oh yeah, and make sure to talk about your hobbies, PS...sex, gym, and shopping are NOT hobbies.
4. Once you have all the basics set upm start answering the questions. I found it easier to answer them slowly, because after 20 or so you find yourself debating who you are. Don't get overwhelmed and start biting your nails, hoping that you are answering the right way so that one hot dude you were checking out gets your match and then before you know it you are planning each other's wedding and becoming the poster couple for OKCupid. STOP! If you think an answer might give the wrong impression, thankfully you can explain it...so do so.
5. After 50 questions you have more options opened up to you. Use them! You have these things called Quiver matches. Check them out and see who you were paired with and if you might be interested in starting up a conversation. Don't worry that doesn't necessarily mean you might like these people, you can always remove them and say not interested. It's great because you don't have to reject in person and deal with that awkwardness of being in the same vicinity and knowing that he is staring you down because you said no.
6. Don't look at too many profiles, merely peruse them. Check out the ones you think you would like...they know when you visit their profile. If you think you would click, say hello. Don't be one of those guys that goes back to the same profile over and over again and never says hello. It's CREEPY. Grow some man balls and say hello! If you are scared of rejection, there is nothing to worry about, he won't respond, and it's alright.
7. Don't contact too many people at one time. Do you want to run through all of your options that fast? Keep some at bay, waiting. Plus, contacting too many people will make you lose track of who is worth talking to and getting to know. One person at a time, or a couple, is best...I think.
8. Use the percentages to your advantage. On the site there are three percentages: match, friends, enemies. Look at them and then read the profile, don't let the fact that you are 80% enemies scare you away. They are based off questions answered, and remember sometimes people are scared of tests and maybe they don't test well. This is the test of LIFE people! So read the profile and make a better decision with the numbers at hand.
9. If you chat up with someone find out more about them. Ask them questions about things they wrote or answered, don't get too serious, chat it up, have a little fun. Getting to know someone is the best part. After a couple of weeks ask to exchange numbers, if you feel it is at that place of comfortability.
10. You might sometimes be matched with guys you have dated. Maybe an ex!! Do you contact them? Do you seek out what could happen, maybe there was something left unsaid. Note to self: just say, hi, and maybe grab dinner and catch up...don't make a thing out of it. Or, maybe you both need time, so don't take this as a sign or read more than you should into it.
Definitely one of the better sites out there for dating, chatting, and making friends. Use it to your advantage, but be transparent about what YOU are looking for. Always be safe, be prepared to run into the ex (don't be a crazy bitch or use this site as a personal vendetta/crusade to smear his name), but above all, have FUN! If anything, it is an interesting way to see the gay guys on adam4adam clothed!