Wednesday, July 20, 2011
The Truth about Honesty: Lights, Camera, Desist
Is honesty always the best policy? Especially if it involves hurting someone else and your relationship? My friend and I were chatting back and forth when he informed me about a discussion he heard on the radio. One of the callers had been cheating on her husband for the past 7 years. She could never bring herself to tell her husband of her infidelity, especially because her husband was dying. On his death bed, she held her strength and never whispered a word of her cheating on him, after all is it really right to tell someone who is dying, hey for the past 7 years I was unfaithful. She didn't want to hurt him in the last breaths of his life, no one would at that moment. Should she have said something earlier on in the relationship? If you have one indiscretion within the course of a relationship, should you fess up and tell the truth, or tell yourself it WILL never happen again and spare your partner's feelings from getting hurt?
The first case is obviously an extreme of what has happened when someone was cheating. We ALL expect the person we are with to be honest and tell the truth. We also hope they know us well enough to realize the repercussions of their actions. But how well do WE really know the people we are with? Are they being completely honest? It has been my experience that everyone has their own fine lines of what is wrong and right. As a social group of thinking human beings, we would hope that we, as a community, have reached a consensus of such ideas. The reality of it though, is that everyone will still ascribe to ideals that are correct for THEM. Isn't it survival of the fittest anyways?
As I was first coming out, I had come across a guy who was great. He was funny, witty, interesting, and loved photography and film. There was no real preparation for what was yet to come. We had hung out a few times. In my mind we were dating, becoming serious. Mr. Daryl shared his deepest thoughts and feelings with me. There was no topic left untouched. He was a recovering alcoholic who fell for the wrong guys at the wrong time. He lost his job and life from his previous breakup. But, there we were, sitting in his room, all of the sad stories aside, he began to kiss me. Before I knew it my clothes were off, and his 10" cock was coming at me. Rewind. Before this I have never seen another naked guy nor had sex with one.
He knew that my sexual experience was null and void, so he said he would bottom. The Advocate did not tell me about what was to come. There was no article to clue me in to what was a top and what was a bottom. Gay.com was in the beginning stages, where was a young gay guy to turn?
After my first experience, he asked me to be his boyfriend. I said, YES! The first few weeks were my introduction to what it meant to be in a GAY relationship. We had sex almost every other day, and then went to In n' Out afterwards...and then it started. He ALWAYS wanted to go out and I couldn't. Why don't you want to go? I know you are cheating on me. I was sitting in class working on a project, drawing and lettering my hands away. YES I am cheating.
I didn't know better. He was calling me a cheater all the time. Frankly, the thought never crossed my mind until he pushed me to do it. It? Yes, after much provocation, I figured if he was going to accuse me then I might as well cheat. Yeah the guy was hot, the sex was amazing. But...it killed me to know that I had brought myself to do that. Honesty was and is always important to me.
It was Halloween night. We were all suppose to go out to Hollywood for the parade with a few friends. The limo was set. As his phone rang I could feel the honesty come up. It was intense. Hello, are you almost ready to head out, he asked. I answered, there is something we need to talk about before we go out. It came out, without a stutter or moment of hesitation, I cheated on you. Click.
When being honest someone always gets hurt, even if you don't say anything. The person you are hurting is yourself. Think it over, make a list, what are you going to lose from being honest? Is it all worth it? Was it worth it to do it in the begining? Will you do it again? Only YOU know that answer, because only you know yourself and your behavior.
I never heard from him again. A week later I received a phone call from a mutual friend. I heard what happened to you and Mr. Daryl. I just wanted to let you know that he accused you of cheating the whole time you two were together, but the truth is he was the one cheating. What did you expect? That's what happens when you date a porn producer.